Heart in a Headlock
by bloodofbeckie
Summary: When left again to bask in the glow of her sun, Bella finds her heart in a headlock when she finds passion in Jacob rather than Edward. Can she get past her feelings of longing for Jacob when she knows that Edward is the one who needs her?
1. Stupid Males

**A/N: This is the first collaboration that Lexy and I have done. It is proving to be really fun. A couple of things to say before we let you start reading the story though. **

**First, we want to extend a big shout out to the Simply Twilight forums, which provided Bex and Lex a place to meet so they could form this ridiculously awesome story. Come join our fun here: ****/forums/**

**Second, we owe so many thanks to our beta, Megan. She is amazing and we are so lucky to have her. Love you butt. **

**We hope you like it!**

The battle was over, Victoria and the newborns were gone, but Alice had seen a vision that some of the Volturi guards were coming. Edward and I headed to the clearing to join the rest of the family. I hugged Alice and Esme, reassured that they were unhurt. That was all we had time for before Jane, Felix and two other gray shrouded guards came into the clearing. Edward pushed me behind him.

"Hello," Jane said with a haunting grin on her face. "Long time no see."

"Jane," Edward nodded.

"Edward," she said, with a nod back in his direction. "Ah, you must be Carlisle. Aro has told me much about you. I'm so happy to finally meet you at last." Carlisle stepped up and took her hand.

"The pleasure is mine, Jane. What brings you all the way over here?" Carlisle asked, wanting to get to the point.

"Ah yes. Aro, Caius and Marcus request your presence in Volterra. There is a matter that they must discuss with your coven before the human," she nodded disgustedly towards me "can join in your ranks."

"All right," Carlisle agreed. "I can come with you now."

"No, he wants the entire coven to come. He hasn't met everyone yet and is very interested in seeing everyone," Jane said sweetly.

"I'm not leaving Bella behind," Edward said vehemently.

"She can not come," Felix said. "We have orders for only the coven." Edward hissed.

"Very well," Carlisle said. "Can you give us some time to go home, prepare for the trip?"

"Yes. You have two hours," Jane said. "We will meet you back here." They headed for places unknown. Edward looked hauntingly at me.

"Let's go," he said, pulling me onto his back. We were quickly at the Volvo. He was pulling out his cell phone and dialing before I could get my seat belt on.

"Seth. Edward. I need to talk to Sam. Can you ask him if he can meet me at Bella's house? Thanks."

"What's going on?" I asked, fearing the answer.

"I have to go with my family. You can't come. If you come, they have orders to kill you. But I can't just leave you unprotected. I want to have Sam bring you to La Push and keep you there. I don't know how long we'll be gone. Aro didn't tell them that, so I don't know. But I want to be assured you're safe, and I know that Sam can keep you safe." We drove in silence to my house. The cruiser was still gone, so he must still be with Billy. Sam was standing on the edge of the woods, waiting for us. Edward helped me out of the car and led me over to where Sam stood.

"Edward," Sam said with a nod.

"Thanks for meeting me, Sam. A complication has come up that I'm hoping you can help me with."

"I can see what I can do," he said cordially.

"Our entire family has to go to Italy to meet with the Volturi, which is somewhat like our government. I was wondering if you could bring Bella to La Push with you, and keep her there."

"Bella, is this what you want?" Sam asked me. Edward huffed. I looked at him in confusion, then looked back into Sam's deep brown eyes.

"Yes," I said, knowing it was what Edward wanted and I wanted to keep him happy.

"Very well," Sam said. "You can stay with Emily. She'll enjoy the company. Go pack your bags, and I'll meet you at her house. Charlie is still at Billy's. I'll talk to him, tell him that you're going to stay with Emily."

"Sure, thanks," I said. Sam began to turn away, back into the woods. "Sam? How's Jacob?" I asked, fearful for my friend.

"He's healing, Bella. He'll be just fine. He just needs a little time." I nodded. Edward started leading me to my house. Once we were in my bedroom, he started shoveling clothes into my bag.

"Edward, how long do you think I'm going to be there for?" I asked, stunned.

"I don't know. I don't want you to have to come back for anything though." I nodded and grabbed my things from the bathroom. Edward carried my bags out to the truck. We stood in the driveway.

"I'll miss you every day that I am gone," he said, touching my face. I threw my arms around him and hugged him close.

"I'll miss you. Hurry home," I said, pressing my lips to the cold marble of his cheek. He released my grip from his neck and opened the driver's side door of my truck.

"I'll come back as soon as I can. Stay safe, Bella. Don't do anything stupid," he warned, and with a final kiss to my forehead, he was gone.

I drove to Emily's small house in La Push, trying not to think about what the Volturi wanted with my vampires. Hopefully it wouldn't snag my plans of change. I was anxious to see Jacob. After the kiss in the woods, I didn't know how he'd react to me, but I was concerned and needed to see that he was okay. Sam wasn't there when I arrived, so I brought my bags into the small spare bedroom and told Emily I'd be back after seeing Jacob.

I hurried out to the truck and sped as fast as I could to the Black's house. I didn't even shut my door all the way before I was running into the house. I didn't notice my dad, Billy, the members of the pack…they were all there piled in the house. They only person I thought of was Jake.

"Jacob!" I cried, and darted into his room. He was lying on his bed, but picked his head up when I stepped over the threshold.

"Bella?" he asked, surprised. I practically jumped from the door to his bed. His arms wound around me.

"I'm so happy you're okay!" I said, burying my head into his shoulder.

"Of course I'm okay. And I'll be better by tomorrow night. Until then, not as great as I'd like to be, but whatev. And I'm better now that you're here."

"You scared me!"

"I told you, I'm fine. So, how'd Edward take it when you told him you kissed me? Was he mad?" Ugh. I had forgotten about that.

"No, he wasn't mad. He understands. But he also understands that it won't happen again," I said, glaring at Jacob with a warning evident in my gaze. He laughed.

"Right, Bells. Delude yourself into thinking you didn't like it," he chuckled. I stood up. He groaned at my movement.

"Jake? Are you okay?"

"Shit…" he moaned. I looked around and found a bottle of pain pills. Looking at the directions written on the bottle in Carlisle's perfect script, I handed him two pills that he swallowed down dry.

"What hurts?" I asked him, laying my hand on his chest and trying not to notice his hard sinewy muscles underneath my palm.

"Everything," he sighed, and closed his eyes. I sat with him until he fell asleep, then crept out, trying not to wake him up.

"Everything okay, Bella?" Billy asked, coming up behind me. I nodded and followed him out to the living room. I sat on the couch and thought about the last time I had spent time here in La Push. Edward had still been gone, and I was going over my feelings for Jacob. He had been my sun then, and I wanted to return the favor to him now.

Unfortunately I figured that his idea of my help was probably much different than mine. I couldn't help but consider the kisses that we had shared recently. I could pretend that I didn't like them to Jacob, but I couldn't lie to myself. Jacob could really kiss me. Edward had to control himself.

Even though I sat in a familiar house, everything was suddenly foreign to me.

Sam's question from earlier lingered in my mind. "Is that what you want, Bella?" I didn't know what I wanted. I was nervous being here in La Push with Jacob. Edward was on the other side of the planet. I didn't understand why I couldn't be home, I mean, really what trouble was left now that Victoria and the newborns were gone? Maybe the Volturi. The thought made me shudder.

I felt someone sit next to me, but I didn't look up from my hands.

"It will be all right, Bella," Emily whispered. I glanced over at her. Her words, meant for comfort didn't even touch my despair. I felt the sudden urge to do something to calm myself down.

Sam sat next to Emily and wrapped his arms around her. Great. Another way for me to feel completely alone in this house stuffed with people.

I wanted Edward, but he was gone. I wanted to be anywhere other than here. If I had to be her, I wanted the old Jacob back. The Jacob who was my personal sun, not the pushy Jacob who was trying to make moves on me every chance he got. I loved him, but I loved Edward more…right?

I watched as Jake limped in the room. So much for that nap. Seth immediately stood up to give him the recliner.

"Hey Bells! Why don't you come and give Billy a hand with this spaghetti?" Charlie called. I sighed in relief and stepped away from the couch and my brooding thoughts. Walking into the kitchen, I felt Jake's eyes on me, and I fought the urge to take a peek back at him. I could hear his voice in my head taunting me, teasing me to look back at his half-naked body. I resisted the urge, but barely.

When I stepped into the kitchen I wondered if I had stepped into a war zone by accident. Generally any time my father offered to help make a meal something exploded, and tonight's meal was no exception. Billy must have asked for my help out of desperation. My father had spaghetti sauce smeared over his shirt but was laughing at something.

"Dad," I started, trying to scowl. All I could do was laugh. "Billy, you should have known better. This man can not cook." My father pouted while Billy bent over with laughter.

"Charlie, you put up a good fight, and sometimes that's all you can do," Jacob's voice cut through the room. I looked up to find him leaning against the doorframe. "You fought the good fight, but it is in Bella's hands now." Somehow I knew he wasn't talking about pasta or Charlie's cooking skills.

Billy and Charlie laughed. I forced a smile as he limped in with a strange look on his face.

"You know, Bella, I'm a pretty good cook," Jake said, walking over to me. I busied myself with the sauce on the stove. It sounded wildly suggestive to me. A shiver ran through me and I tried to brush it off.

"Come on, Jake. I've had your cooking. It's isn't that great," I said. His face fell. Ah. So he wasn't talking about cooking.

"That's true Jake, I have to admit it," Billy said, missing out on Jake's barely masked innuendo.

"Hey, Bella could give you lessons," Billy suggested. "Help you impress the ladies." I felt my face burn. Did he not see what was going on here? Did anyone see? Stupid males. I wanted to scream. I gazed over at Jake, letting my eyes wander over his toned body, his pouty lips and into his smoldering black eyes.

"I'd like that," he said, giving me a look that was both tempting and sinful. I couldn't look away if I wanted to. His grin was almost too much to handle. I felt the sudden urge to kiss it off from his face.

I was saved by Billy's decision to finally get everyone out of the kitchen so I could get the food ready.

I leaned my elbows on the counter and put my head in my hands. Okay. This was bad. This was very, very bad.

**A/N: Ok everyone, ready-set-review!! Haha. Please leave us some love!**

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	2. Gravity

A/N: This is a collaboration that I'm doing with my FF friend Lexy. We also have this up on Simply Twilight's site, definitely check it out there.

Many thanks to our beta Megan, she's amazing and we wouldn't have the right degree of hotness without her.

We're up for awards!! Beckie is aka bloodofbeckie, Lexy is aka Doll_Parts. Make sure you vote for heart in a headlock, once upon a moon, fantasy you can't control and take what's mine in the awards! We're up for several, so check it out!

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**Steph Meyer owns Twilight. We only share a love for Jacob Black and lemons. **

Chapter 2

Jacob

I woke up in an extremely good mood. Yesterday had been a fantastic day. I got to kiss the love of my life and kill some nasty vamps. Only downside was getting a bunch of my bones crushed, but hey, I heal fast. Getting up and stretching, I decided that I'd feel well enough to phase by lunchtime, andseeing as it was already noon, that wasn't far away. I walked into the kitchen to rustle up some breakfast. When I pulled out the box of pop tarts, I saw a drop of spaghetti sauce on the counter.

I smiled to myself, thinking of Bella's expression last night while we were in the kitchen. If I was food, she would have devoured me whole. Finally, there were some feelings there in her eyes; it was about time. Try as she may, she couldn't deny that there was an amazing attraction between the two of us. If only I could get her to actually admit it out loud.

Stuffing half a pop tart in my mouth, I sprawled across the couch and turned on the television. I had just started to change the channel when Paul walked in the door. I groaned. Great-this day was quickly losing its appeal. What was he doing here?

"What's up assface?" he said, falling into the chair next to me. I didn't respond. He sat up and grabbed the other half of my pop tart and stuck it in his mouth.

"Dude, what the hell?" I complained.

"Sam wants to talk to you," he said, chewing with his mouth wide open.

"You're disgusting," I said, walking out the door. I pulled my sweats off and phased. Ouch. Maybe I had phased a little too early.

Jacob, Sam's voice said.

I'm here, I thought back at him. Shit, my chest hurt. Wait, no thinking about pain. I didn't want Sam to think I was a wimp. I was annoyed at my own mind for betraying me.

I need you to run into Forks. Bella is working today. She gets work at two and I don't want her alone. Go get her and bring her back when she gets off, he instructed me, graciously ignoring all my thoughts of pain.

Definitely. I smiled to myself. Like I would ever hesitate to go to Bella.

And Jake? He paused. One more thing.

Yeah?

Don't do anything stupid. Like be yourself.

Thanks Sam, I thought, rolling my eyes. I phased back and headed inside for some more food before Paul could eat us out of house and home.

Around one, I phased and headed for Forks. I paced in the woods behind Newton's until about one-thirty. I couldn't stand being far away from her any more so I phased back to my human form and walked into the store. A little bell rang, signaling my entrance.

I peered around the store. "Bel-laa, ohh Bella?" I laughed at the sound of my voice, I sounded like a little boy. No one came to my call. Hmm-odd.

I leaned against the front counter, wishing they had a bell. I suddenly thought about Bella coming to me any time I rang a bell. I bit my lip. How had I just made the ringing of a bell dirty? Must not think, I chuckled to myself.

Where was she? Sighing, I meandered down an aisle and found a half open door marked "Employees Only". Riiight, like a sign was going to stop me from finding Bella. I moved silently into the room. It was obviously a stock room mixed with an office. There were rows of boxes, a desk, lockers, and a wall full of sticky notes and OSHA signs; but still no sign of Bella.

I continued to work my way around the room, my bare feet padding across the floor. Dammit, I knew I had forgotten something. I sighed. While I knew it was nothing new for me to be half naked, I had wanted to impress Bells with my ability to wear clothes. Shit.

Then I saw her standing on a footstool, trying to get a box that was out of her reach, even on her tiptoes. Before I could think of Sam's warning to not do anthing stupid or act like myself, I was already behind her and grabbing for the box. She whipped around and lost her balance. I dropped the box and caught her in my arms before she could fall. Her feet fell at a weird angle around the footstool. Gotta love Bella's reflexes. She blew her tousled hair out of her eyes and glared up at me. God she was cute when she was angry.

I put my foot on the stool and kicked it across the room in one swift motion, freeing her feet from around it. I heard it scrape across the floor and bounce against the lockers. She gasped at the sound of metal crashing against metal. It was a delicious sound, and I licked my lips as I took in the sight of her.

"Hey, Bells," I said cheerfully. I should have thought of something more original than that, but I couldn't.

"Jacob," she breathed, backing up against the set of lockers and nibbling on her lip.

"Bella," I whispered back, while words again failed me. She started to duck to the side so she could get out from between the proverbial rock and hard place, but my hands slammed down on the lockers on either side of her, blocking her path. Her breath hitched as her eyes locked onto mine. I couldn't believe that I was doing this. Was I scaring her? I leaned down to peer into her eyes, and an awe-struck smile came over her face. That was an encouraging sign.

"We, ah…You, er, I…uhh…I-I…" she stammered, trailing off as I stared into the chocolate depths of her eyes.

She was pulling me in. I was a moth and she was my flame. It didn't matter if I got scorched doing it, but I was going to kiss her again. I felt her small body press against mine as she raised up to her tiptoes and returned my stare.

She was gravity and I was taking the plunge. Our bodies pressed together as I bent forward, leaning my forearms against the cool metal of the lockers on either side of her head. I searched her eyes once more, and she was mine. She knew what I was going to do, but didn't utter a word, instead she grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me in to find my lips.

My right hand laced into her chestnut locks, and I traced my tongue over her sweet-tasting lower lip, begging for her to allow more access to her mouth. She gave me exactly what I asked for. Her tongue danced with mine, she moaned into my mouth, and her delicate fingers clutched at my chest.

I let her walk me across the room, she was taking full charge of me. This was like nothing I had ever experienced. The moment was filled with fire and passion; I never wanted it to end.

The back of my thighs hit the edge of the work desk, I wrapped my arms around her and sat back, pulling her on top of me. The desk rattled and things fell all over the floor. She straddled me, knees on either side of my hips. My hands kept a tight grip on her back, and she lifted her head long enough for both of us to try to catch our breath. I hoped she would not pull away from me now.

I gave her hair the slightest tug, making her whimper and arch her back. She ground her hips against me, and a wicked snarling grin came across my face. Kissing up her neck, I took in the taste of her sweet skin. I couldn't restrain the growl that came from my chest. She moaned and ground against me again.

My lips recaptured hers and she was like liquid fire. We melted together, and I felt her hands dancing over my skin. She wound her fingers into my hair, pulling me as close as possible to her. I felt her breath against my lips and I smiled knowing that this hunger that she had was for me, and only me.

Suddenly the door slammed open, yanking us out of our world. Bella was so surprised that she almost fell out of my arms, but of course I wouldn't allow that. We struggled to catch our breath, panting heavily. I looked across the room, biting back a smile. Bella didn't dare look. It was as if she was digging her head into my chest hoping that she could bury herself in it. She turned her head slowly, looking toward the door.

"Mike," Bella whispered. The look on his face was priceless. I struggled very hard not to laugh, and the only thing that kept my chuckles at bay was the thought of being skinned alive by Bella. She stood up from my lap as I reluctantly let her go, still trying to keep my smug grins to a minimum. I really shouldn't be enjoying this as much as I was.

"You need to get out of here," Mike barked at me with feigned authority. He was trying to stand tall and act tough. I shrugged and stood up.

"Bells, I'll wait for you out front," I said, speaking only to Bella. I leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the forehead. She shot daggers at me with her eyes but I didn't care. It wasn't only me kissing in that room. I was aching to talk to her, and hoped that Mike would let her leave work. I walked out of the room and out of the store, that little bell dinging again as I left.

"Bella, what is going on?" Mike asked. I shouldn't have been listening, but it wasn't my fault. Wolf ears, you know? It couldn't be helped. I smiled as I leaned up against the truck to wait for her.

"I…I…ugh!" she cried, and walked out, leaving Mike confused in her wake. I was confused too, I wish I knew what she was thinking. Did she like the kiss? I knew that she did, but would she admit it to herself? I watched as she stormed out of the store. She didn't even look at me as she hopped in the cab.

"Bella," I started, knowing that she'd still be able to hear me over the roar of the engine. She put the truck in gear and started out of the parking lot. I laughedand hopped in the bed. As she stopped for a red light, I opened the passenger side door and swung myself onto the seat. I watched in horror as she swiped at something on her cheek.

"Bella, are you crying?" She pointedly ignored me though. I felt like pond scum. No, lower than pond scum. Was there anything lower than pond scum? Yes, there was. Me, Jacob Black. How was I going to make this better? We drove the twelve miles from Forks to La Push in silence. She pulled up to Emily's house without a single word to me. I watched her go into the small house, and felt torn. Should I go now and try to talk to her? Probably not. She probably needed to calm down. I wanted to do something special for her. I phased into my wolf form and called to Quil and Embry. Leah was on patrol and told me that they were at her house, hanging with Seth. I quickly ran the mile and a half to the house Seth shared with Leah and their mom. I phased back, pulled my jeans on and burst into the house.

"Jake! What's the matter?" Embry said, standing up from his spot on the couch. Quil and Seth followed suit.

"I need your help. I fucked up. I kissed Bella…"

"Again?" Quil asked.

"Yeah. And now she's crying and all mad at me…"

"You're that bad of a kisser?" Embry laughed, but I ignored him.

"I have to make it up to her," I said, collapsing on the couch. Seth sat down next to me and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Dude, you've got it bad."

"I know."

"Is she still with the leech?" Embry asked, sitting in the recliner on the other side of me. I nodded. " Oh man."

"I want to prove that I'm the one for her, that I'm the one that she wants. And I've fucked it all up. She kissed me back, kissed me like I've never been kissed before, but then we got interrupted which gave her time to actually think about what she was doing. And now I need to make it up to her. I need to show her how much I love her. But I don't know how," I said, hanging my head in my hands, feeling desperate.

"I've got a plan…" Embry started. I lifted my head to look up at him. An almost devilish smile came over his face.

**A/N: Wouldn't everyone wanna be tossed against a locker with Jacob, then lovin' him on a desk? Just saying…**

**Leave some love please…and VOTE!!**


	3. Sunflowers

**Thanks to Megan for being our beta. If we didn't have her, then we'd have run-on sentences and poor grammar. **

**Thanks for all the reviews. Keep them coming; they evoke warm feelings in our hearts. :) **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Bex and Lex own only the squeals that emit from our lungs at the sight of Taylor Lautner and Rob Pattinson without their shirts on. **

Chapter 3-Sunflowers

Bella POV

When I got to Sam and Emily's, I leapt out my door and slammed it loudly behind me. I ran, not caring where Jacob went. Part of me longed for him to leave and never come back again; another part cried for him to come after me. God, I had become a complete basket case. I dashed up the three stairs leading to the house, tripping in my haste. I didn't let it slow me down because I couldn't risk what might happen if Jake tried to 'help' me again. Still, I couldn't help wishing he would.

What was wrong with me? I loved Edward. I had told Edward that I was going to marry him. I planned on spending all of eternity with Edward. Why was I kissing another man? And it was my best friend at that. I was being so unfair.

My chest was heaving as I walked through the door. I tried my hardest to hold my breath, hold my tears, and god, hold my tongue. I wasn't ready to talk about this.

Emily heard me slam the front door and stood up from her chair in front of her easel. She dropped her paint brush and came rushing over to me. I tried to keep from bursting into tears and managed a feeble smile as I rushed to my temporary room.

"I'm fine, Emily," I said, grasping the brass door knob to the spare bedroom. It was ice cold in my tight grasp, making me think of Edward. Oh my God, I thought of Edward. With a sob, I quickly pushed my body into the door as I turned the knob. Saving myself from falling into the room, I quickly shut it behind me before she could even say a word. Now, I felt guilty for ignoring the person who was allowing me to stay in her home. I threw myself across the bed.

A knock sounded on the door, and it opened a crack. "Bella? Are you all right?" Emily asked, concern in her voice. I choked back the tears.

"Come on in, Emily," I said, sitting up and wiping my face. She sat next to me on the double bed.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"Emily, have you ever been really torn up over something? You love one person, then this other person comes around and just amazes you?" She smiled because she knew just who I was talking about.

"Kind of. But my situation was different. I didn't have to choose between two men, I had to choose between my family and my soul mate. And you obviously know my choice," she said, standing up and patting my shoulder. "You'll make the right choice, too." She walked out and closed the door, leaving me to my thoughts.

Her vote of confidence somehow made me feel worse, bringing new tears to my eyes. I laid face down on the bed, half hoping I'd suffocate. I crushed my face into the pillow trying with all my might to bury myself in it. I could hardly breathe, not only because I was smothering my face in a pillow, but from the sobbing as well. I felt as if I was wrapped up in a blanket of guilt. What would Edward say? The harder and harder I tried to breathe, the closer I came to hyperventilating.

I arched my back and freed myself from the soft pillow. I took in a few deep breaths. Breathe in and out, in and out, I told myself. I started to count, 1-2-3, just breathe, Bella. 4-5-6, see, breathe...7-8-9, you can do it... I hitched on the last breath and again found myself diving for the pillow again sobbing harder into it. I rolled over hugging the pillow tight to my chest, maybe I couldn't do it.

I knew right now I wouldn't be able to ease the tears. I couldn't even pinpoint why I was crying. There was guilt, pain, and lots of worry in my mix of emotions. Then there were all the questions I had for myself. Why had I done this? What kind of person was I? It wasn't just Jacob doing the kissing in that back room, I had gripped onto his shirt and pulled him close with all my strength.

I was horrible. Sighing, I allowed myself to wallow in my horribleness. I had been unfairly leading Jake on, but the little brat didn't exactly deserve fairness at this point. He was pushing me to insanity. God, I was so confused, I felt like I was doing all the wrong things; I was such a bad friend.

There was another side to this though; I was an even worse girlfriend. I had kissed my best friend twice in the past twenty four hours. That was not fair to Edward. I felt my body rock with tremors when I realized that I truly wasn't worthy of his love. No wonder he never gave me more. Look at me; I didn't deserve him.

I grabbed onto my pillow tighter, sobbing uncontrollably now. Thoughts could no longer form in the swirl of emotions and crying. The windows cried along with me as rain splashed against the panes. Soon, darkness overtook me, and I slept.

I awoke with a start. My room was growing dark and a glance at the clock told me that I had been asleep for three hours. I grabbed my toiletry case and pajamas and went to take a shower.

The shower soothed my aching muscles as I washed the day away. I wished I could wash away the pictures that were imprinted on my brain just as easily. I wished that the water could wash away my guilt; if only the shower would be so kind.

Staring at myself in the mirror while I brushed my hair, I wondered how I had gotten myself into this mess. I should have just stayed in Phoenix with my mother. Right, I thought wryly. Like that would have solved anything. I was sure disaster would have figured a way to find me there as well. Obviously, I seemed to be quite good at getting into trouble.

I found Emily and Sam seated together on the couch watching television when I stepped out of the steam-filled bathroom. Emily looked up at me with a smile.

"Feel better, Bella?" I shrugged, but gave her a weak smile in return.

"Not patrolling tonight, Sam?" I asked, leaning against the door frame.

"I have the nine to five shift tonight," he said. Emily stood up and walked to the kitchen, coming back out with two scraps of paper.

"Here, Edward called while you were sleeping. Twice, in fact. These are the messages he asked me to pass on," she said, handing them to me. I forced a smile back at her then told them I was going to go read a book. I felt their eyes on my back as I walked into the guest room and closed the door. I hoped I wasn't being too rude.

I stuck the pieces of paper on the dresser face down. How could I read them? I sighed. I didn't want to read his declarations of love or about his despair over being away from me. It would just make me feel worse about today and the kiss. Oh my gosh-the kiss. The singularly best kiss I have ever had in my entire life. I felt a blush come over my body as I thought about it, about Jake's hands over my body, the feel of his skin under my fingers, the taste of his mouth… I stopped myself as I began to get hot over the memory. My eyes flashed to where the messages sat, renewing the feelings of guilt.

I sat on the bed. "Ugh, what the hell!" I groaned, what on earth was I getting myself into? It was more then I could handle for sure. Jacob was just so much more passionate than Edward. While I felt passion with Edward, I had to be so restrained. I had gotten used to this. The feelings inside me now were almost impossible to resist.

Every time I shut my eyes I saw flashes of his hot russet skin pressed up against me. I saw the hunger that he had for me in his black brown eyes-his full lips drawn up in a smile, leaning in towards mine. God, I loved those lips. That kiss. I kept seeing us in the back storage room. If Mike hadn't come in, I was pretty sure that I wouldn't have been able to stop. I was so bad.

"Ugh," I sighed. I had to get out of my own head, not an easy task. Why was Jacob doing this to me? He knew I was with Edward. He knew that Edward had asked me to marry him and that I had said yes. Why did he have to be so damn attractive to me? I didn't want to want him. But I did want him. I wanted him so badly. I had never realized passion could be this strong.

I didn't have to be careful with Jake, and he definitely wasn't careful with me. I thought about him pushing me against the lockers, and then I had to block it before I could make my body go warm again. I was surely losing my mind.

I flipped over and splayed out on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and chewing on my bottom lip. I was going out of my mind. I loved Edward, I knew that. But I loved Jacob, too. Jacob was my best friend. I had once longed for him to be my brother so that I could have a claim to him, but the feelings I had towards him now were anything but sisterly. What place did Jacob Black now hold in my heart?

I questioned everything, wondering if Edward would blame me for my actions. I thought about that for a moment. He should. It was me who pulled Jake closer. I had wanted Jake as much as he wanted me. I heaved a labored breath and sighed. What was I going to do? Why couldn't everything just be simple?

What was it? What was changing? I began wondering if I just had to come to terms with the fact that I might just be a horny schoolgirl. This made me laugh. Me, a horny school girl with a god-like man-child throwing himself at me and a boyfriend who made male models look like gargoyles.

It was the hormones; they had been flying wild between us. That had to be it. Jake had not been acting like himself in days. Not like my personal sun, the boy who put me back together when I was broken after Edward left. The Jake I knew right now was a ball of fire, passion, and lust. In a strange way I liked knowing that I caused these feelings to stir inside him, but I also missed my best friend, my sunshiny Jacob.

Hoping to forget all my thoughts, I grabbed my much loved copy of Jane Eyre and relaxed on the bed. However, after a couple of pages, I felt unsettled and put the book down. I stood up and made a move toward the dresser to see what Edward had said.

Tap, tap, tap.

I jumped at the sound, looking around wildly for any kind of weapon I could use on an intruder. Turning in the direction of the sound, I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Jake's face pressed against the window. I hurried to the windowsill, pushed it up, and watched his immense frame squeeze in through the tiny window. Once upright, he pulled me into his grasp, and I all but melted into his arms.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to hurt you this afternoon. I don't know what happened to me. Can you forgive me?" His voice, rich but shaky, echoed in my mind. He said he was sorry… had I ever heard Jake apologize? I couldn't breathe because he was holding me so tight, but I didn't care. I hugged him back just as hard. His words put me at ease as he pulled back, looking for an answer. I gulped air back into my burning lungs. Speak, Bella. Speak!

"Jake, I…" I started, trying to form the words that I wanted to say.

"Oh, I forgot," he said, ducking his upper body back out the window and coming back in with a paper bag. "This is for you." His face was beaming at me and his eyes begged me to take the humble little paper bag. I smiled back. How could I deny him this? I held my hand out for the bag, wondering what was in it.

"Sit," he instructed. I did so, looking at him and wondering what he was up to. Something was different about him… what was it? Then I noticed, as I let my eyes trail over him from head to toe and back again. He had on neatly tied shoes, a gray button up shirt, dark denim jeans, and oh my gosh!-was that a belt? I half laughed.

"Jacob…you have clothes on. Even shoes," I said, surprised.

"Yeah," he said, grinning down at his body. He looked really good. Dreadfully good. I had the sudden urge to rip the clothes right off of him. It should be a crime for him to wear clothes. I bit my lip, holding back my lust surge and waiting while he opened the bag. He pulled out a small box and handed it to me.

"What's this?" I asked, holding the box in my hand.

"Open it," he instructed with a smile on his face. I did so, and found a package of chocolate covered strawberries.

"Oh, my favorite," I sighed. It had been ages since I had enjoyed my favorite treat.

"These go with them," he said, holding out two bottles of A & W root beer.

I couldn't hold back the smile bubbling up. Another favorite. I was surprised that Jake had remembered what I liked. After all, it had been so long ago that I had told him. Back when we first started hanging out, working on the motorcycles, I had mentioned some of my favorites in passing, but here he was with all the simple little things he remembered that I loved.

"That's so nice of you, Jake," I said, putting the boxes and bottles on the nightstand and then leaning back against the headboard.

"Wait, I've got one more thing," he said. He pulled two sunflowers out of the bag and handed them to me. They were big and bright, like him. I couldn't stop from burying my nose in them to smell their sweetness. He sat down on the bed next to me, and tilted my chin up so I was looking at him.

Jake was touching me, and I wanted to melt. This was getting dangerous. I wasn't sure what to expect next. He was being the sweet and shiny Jake that I had missed so much. I held my breath, waiting for the twist. He smiled and sat down, taking my hand.

"I was walking over here and I found these growing on the side of the road. Did you know that the sunflower follows the sun wherever it goes? It's like the flower just wishes that it could be close to the sun. That's how I feel about you, Bella. The sunflower is a sign of my unwavering devotion." Jacob confessed, looking at me with pain in his eyes. All this time I thought he was the sun.

My heart stopped as I looked up at him in silent shock. His pure honesty left me breathless. I thought back our entire lives, over the years when he had shown me his unwavering devotion. My muddled memories were becoming clear. Five year old Jacob trailing after Rachel, Rebecca and me. Seven year old Jacob bringing me dandelions while his nine year old sisters laughed at him. Fifteen year old Jacob falling victim to my terrible flirting and telling me his tribe's legends. All that Jacob Black ever wanted was to be close to me.

"I love you, Bella. And, if you can only love me as your best friend, then I'm happy with that. I'm happy with whatever part of you I can have." As he spoke, my heart swelled. I couldn't pry my gaze away from his deep espresso colored eyes. They were bright with unshed tears.

"I do love you, Jake," I murmured. He nodded, and then turned to take the bottles of root beer off the nightstand. When he turned back, the glimmer of tears was gone, replaced by a glorious smile. He opened mine for me, and then opened his own.

"To best friends," he said, as his bottle clinked against mine.

I watched the glass from the bottles make contact, hearing the ting as they did. Jacob brought his bottle up to his lips and I fleetingly wondered if his lips would taste like root beer. Shaking my head, I took a sip of the soda, and thought about how he tasted better. Bad Bella. I pushed those thoughts back and then opened my box of chocolate covered strawberries.

"The lady who owns the bakery in Forks had those on special today. I thought you'd like them," he said, almost shyly. I offered him one and bit into my own.

"They're really good, Jake. Thanks," I said, trying not to get chocolate on Emily's bedspread.

I looked up as he took a bite out of his strawberry. When had eating become so sexy? Ah. Focus. _No more thinking about Jake sexually_. Jacob Black was my best friend; he was willing to be that even with how unfair I was to him. Jake was my friend and that was all he was going to continue to be. I needed to stop letting him think there could be more.

We spent the night talking and laughing. It was just like it had been before. Before we knew that Jake was a wolf, before Edward had come back. It was like when I discovered that he could make me whole. His presence here at Emily's was reassuring, and I leaned against his warm chest as I grew sleepy. His deep breathing harmonized with the steady beat of his heart and lulled me to sleep.

I was vaguely aware of being moved. I was still in a state of slumber that I didn't want to leave. I felt arms moving my body under the comforter and the sensation of being tucked in. Warm lips touched my forehead and then they were gone, leaving me to fall into a deep slumber once again.


	4. Finger Painting

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Chapter 4-Finger Painting

Bella

I woke to the smell of peaches seeping through my door. Mmm. Emily was cooking and my stomach was growling. I stretched my body, then curled up like a kitten after extending its limbs out. A big yawn emitted from my chest. I truly couldn't recall the last time I had such a sweet sleep.

I lurched up, bringing my feet to the hardwood floor. I yanked them back and shivered; it was chilly in here. I placed my feet in my purple fuzzy slippers and shoved my arms through the sleeves of my yellow flannel robe that fell just past mid-thigh. I knew that my hair was a hopeless wreck, but my stomach won in the fight against my pride; it was only Emily and Sam after all.

I opened the door, looking forward to whatever it was that Emily was making. I would have to get her to give me the recipe if it tasted even half as good as it smelled. I haphazardly stumbled out the door, yawning again with my eyes closed tight before looking out to greet my hosts. What I saw instead, was the entire pack sitting in the kitchen and living room.

Had I have known they were there, I would have put different clothes on. I felt a little exposed. I snuck back into the bedroom and pulled a pair of jeans up. I Shrugged and decided to leave my pajama top on—it wasn't like I was trying to impress anyone. I did however brush my crazed hair into a ponytail. I didn't want the masses of waves attacking the pack while they were eating. I stepped back out, sans the housecoat and slippers, hoping no one had seen me before.

"Bella! What happened to the short little flannel and purple fuzz? That was hot!" Embry called out.

I flushed bright red. Oh God, I had been seen. I did a quick search for Jake And found him sitting on the overstuffed arm chair with his arms behind his head and a large smile on his face. I guess he had seen me too. Disgusted, I went out to the kitchen.

"Good morning, Em. Do you need any help?" I asked, stealing a piece of bacon from the towering pile.

"I think I've got it covered," she said, taking the last set of French toast off the griddle. "Boys! The food is ready!" She called with a wide grin as she peeked over her shoulder at the boys already crowding behind us.

They descended like, well, a pack of wolves. I giggled to myself over the analogy. "Bella, there's a package here for you," she said, pointing at the counter with the spatula. I furrowed my brow. Why would I have a package here? Edward. I sighed, and opened the box.

I looked inside, and found a smaller silver box with a blue bow. I rolled my eyes. He always made everything ostentatious when it came to giving me gifts, no matter how hard he tried to pass it off as something small. Opening the box, I was surprised to find the new iphone that I had commented on liking in passing. There was a post-it on it that had an arrow and the words "push here." I did so and Edward's face flashed over the screen, making my chest constrict.

"Hey love," his voice rang out. "I'm here in Volterra. We just got here, but I wanted to buy you something so you'd know I was thinking about you. All of our numbers are programmed into the phone, please call me if you need anything. I hope that you're staying safe, and doing what Sam and Emily tell you to. I miss you, and I can't wait until I can see you again. I love you." I was startled when I heard the sound of glass breaking.

My train of thought shattered, like the bottle of syrup that had been in Jake's hand. I whipped around and saw Jacob there with a fistful of glass. He was covered in Emily's homemade blackberry syrup. His eyes were burning boldly at me, the mere mention of Edward's affection had him in a rage. I saw his body shake, but I couldn't take my eyes from his.

No one else seemed to notice the rage bubbling up just yet, as they were all too busy laughing at Jake's accident. I ripped my eyes away to see that Paul was sneering at me while everyone else guffawed at the now blue Jacob. Sam must have felt the tension because he now turned to Jake.

His eyes were on Jake. "Jacob, do you need a–" Everyone grew silent when they heard Sam speak.

Jake smiled at Sam and shook his head, "Nah man, I am fine," he said with a laugh. I rolled my eyes when he turned his smile on me. The tension in the room dissipated.

I went back to looking at my new phone, wanting to play the video again so I could listen to the loving words from Edward. But I was distracted again when I heard the scrape of Jake's chair across the floor. He knelt down to pick up the glass shards of the bottle and put a piece of the glass on the table. He brought his sticky fingers to his lips.

I shouldn't have looked. I should have just focused on the video of Edward. My breath caught in my throat as I watched his blue-stained fingers press against his pouty lips. His tongue flicked over the tips of his fingers before he stuck them into his mouth and sucked on them just for a moment. Oh God, this may be too much for me. All I could think about was that tongue and those fingers being on me. His eyes flicked to mine, and from the glint I saw there, he must have had an idea of what was going on in my mind.

"Mm, damn Emmie. I'm sorry I wasted this. It is really good," he said, biting his lower lip to hide the grin.

He pulled his stained white shirt over his head. Of course, with Jake it was any reason to be half naked. His sticky fingers left a trail on his russet colored skin. My God, I wanted a taste. He must be doing this striptease to see just how much of this I can take. I struggled to breathe, as this was really becoming way too much for me to handle. He quickly went to work using his ruined shirt to clean up the rest of the glass, wrapping the shards carefully in the cloth. He leapt up onto his feet and dropped the shirt and glass into the trash. He smiled at Emily while he went to get a wet cloth to clean up the rest of his sticky mess.

I couldn't keep my eyes off him. I tried to stop from drooling as I checked out Jake's well defined back and the way his pants hugged the curve of his ass as he wiped the floor. Oh god. Oh god. I needed to turn my head. I needed to not think about this. I closed my eyes, hoping to get some relief. I Instead, I saw myself on my knees in front of him finger painting on his chest then bowing to lick the spirals of syrup off. I felt my skin burn as I blushed.

I plopped down in a chair, with my eyes bugging a little and biting my lower lip. Must not think, must not think. Must not...

"Oh, look at the poor little leech lover. Don't you just wish you could handle being the wolf girl?" Paul's sour voice filled the room. I blushed brighter still, Oh no, I forgot there were other people in the room.

I looked up to see Paul wearing a cocky little grin as he brought his glass of orange juice to his lips and took a big gulp. He wiped his lips with his forearm, and was still smirking. I wished I could pummel his face 'till the stupid smile fell right off.

"You need something hot to melt the cold front you're stuck in, do you, Bella?" He added with acid on this tongue.

My jaw dropped. I didn't know what to say in response to that. I felt my face twist up in anger, but my face was still burning red from embarrassment. The overload was about to bring on the water works. Oh, how I hated Paul.

"Jeez man," Paul suddenly yelped. Seth was trying to hide a grin from across the table. Apparently someone had gotten a swift kick at Paul's shin. I watched as Jake tensed up in response to Paul's sudden temper.  
The distraction had been just enough to keep my tears at bay, and I felt a swell of courage. I stood up and leaned over the table toward him. "Please. Why on earth would I want to be a wolf girl? I'd have to put up with the fleas after being around dogs like you, Paul," I hissed with an uncharacteristic amount of my own acid, before giving a soft smile to Sam, Jake and the others. "No offense."

I half laughed; thankfully, so did the rest of the table. I was lucky no one took my comments to be directed at them. I really was glad I didn't offend Emily, Sam or Jake. I didn't want to hurt Jake any more, if I could help it. I would have felt pretty crappy if they had taken my bitchiness as a jab at them. Paul just made me so furious.

I slowly turned around. "I'm going to go call my fiancée now," I said with fake calmness and extra emphasis.

The table rattled as Paul flew up from his seat. "In that case, maybe I should get a head start on ripping you apart before you get a chance to become a little leech too," he growled.

His body was quaking; he was looking at me with fire and rage. I hated to admit that I was terrified of Paul at that moment, but he looked like a very dangerous predator.

"Paul," Sam said in a deathly serious tone.

He was a little late, Paul was already shaking. "Shit no, Get him out of here!"

Jake was on him before I could even blink. He, Quil and Seth started to drag Paul out of the house. Sam was standing between Paul and me. Emily shot a reassuring smile over his shoulder at me.

"You're really taking the leech lover's side? Did you hear what she said about you, Jake? Did you?" he howled, waving his arms and glaring at me. I could see his skin ripple and his veins bulge; it took a lot of strain for him to hold it in.

"Paul, you need to calm down," commanded Sam in his alpha voice.

I watched the three guys pull him out the door and down the stairs of the deck. I excused myself from the others so I could to my room. The phone Edward had given me was still clutched in my palm. I thought it might be best to get out of sight. You know, out of sight out of mind. The least I could do was help Paul calm down. I shouldn't have let him get to me like that, knowing the ridiculous temper he has.

I sighed. I supposed I was just lucky Paul had come a long way since they had first started phasing. If I had said that to him a year ago, he would have phased right at the table and most likely ripped my throat out. I shuddered at the thought.

My mind flashed over thoughts of Edward's old warnings of young werewolves I had known Jake would never hurt me, but I didn't think about how hotheaded Paul is. Thankfully for me, I was well-protected here. I sat there looking at the phone. I should call Edward; I had not been fair to him. I shouldn't have ignored him just because I messed up. He was most likely worried sick. I was suddenly really thankful there was no way for Alice to see the little Paul fiasco. If she had, Edward probably would have already been on a plane to come back.

I let my body fall into the soft comforter and my head hit the pillow. I glanced at the sunflower Jake had brought me. We had made such a mess of everything, but even so, he was still the same old Jake. We had apologized to each other because we both knew that it wasn't meant to be…right? No one could really blame us for being curious. We were really only human. Well, I was at least. At least he had the excuse of being half animal, and half horn-dog teenage boy. Okay, maybe more than half animal.

I dialed Edward.

"Hello, my love," I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Edward," I breathed, his name getting lost in the sound of his velvet voice interrupting me.

"Where have you been?"

"Oh, I was just tired last night—work and all. I miss you," I said, feeling guilty for not coming clean.

"Oh Bella, I am sorry, this must be so hard on you. Alice told me that she saw you crying. That's why I bought you the phone. I sent it overnight, I'm so happy it got to you. I know you must be thinking about the last time you were alone, but I love you and I am coming back to you. I will always come back to you," he promised.

I sighed, my heart twisted up and my stomach did back flips. He felt so bad, he was apologizing to me. The guilt threatened to kill me from the inside out. Still, I knew if I told him now, he would only disregard the Volturi's orders and come back. I couldn't risk him getting himself hurt on my account.

"I know you will, I love you so very much. Do you know when you get to come home?" I crossed my fingers like a little girl, praying it might be soon. Or maybe he was really just at the treaty line, and was going to surprise me. Or maybe…

"At least a week or so. Maybe two," He answered, sounding so painfully defeated. "You know I would do just about anything to come back to you now. Unfortunately, if I do that, we might not get much of a forever." he laughed darkly.

"I know, I understand," I said consolingly, even though on the inside I was terrified of those two weeks. Still, part of me was happy that he wasn't coming back quite yet. I didn't know what to think about that.

"Bella, I will be coming back to you, I love you, don't be worried. Please know I won't stay away again. Even though I am not there right now I am coming back to you. I wouldn't do that to you again." He went on professing his love and trying to convince me everything would be all right.

I felt horrible. I had been so unfair, not just to Jake but to Edward too. I sighed. From now on, I would be a better friend and girlfriend. I would be a better Bella. I sighed again.

"I know you wouldn't. I love you Edward." I smiled—there, that was a start. I hoped I would be able to comfort him. "I trust you, I know you will come back. I know you aren't going to be able to stay away this time."

We went on like this for a little while. I was really unsure of how long we talked. The end of the phone call worried me when I heard Jane's high pitch chuckle and then Edward groaned. He didn't sound as though he was in pain, but he certainly did not feel like rainbows and butterflies.

"Bella love, I have to go now. I love you. Please, Bella, please stay safe." Suddenly, there was silence. Edward was gone.

I sighed for a moment and looked around the room. I seemed to have lost track of the time. I heard the boys outside still talking Paul down from his rage. I had heard Emily go for a shower when I was on the phone so I thought it best I help clean up the mess the boys had made because of me. I found that she had gotten most of it done, so I just finished the dishes and wiped down the surfaces.

Once I was done, I retreated back to the safety of my little room. I didn't want to go out and upset Paul and the rest of the pack, no matter how much I wanted to see Jake. I huffed, realizing that my books were in the same bag as my toiletries in the bathroom. I was very pleased when I finally heard the water stop. I waited for a minute, and thought I heard the door open.

I figured it was safe, so I walked to the door that connected my room to the bathroom. I Pulled it open, and was dazed at the sight before me. It was the russet skinned god that was my best friend. My breath caught, when I saw he was clad in nothing but a towel and some water droplets. It wasn't as though I had never seen Jacob half-naked before; I had many times in fact. But at this moment, the knowledge of him being in a towel that could all too easily slip away hit me like a glorious slap in the face. He smelled of fresh grapefruit mixed with his own earthy musk. I was beside myself. This was too much to handle. I wanted to close the door, to turn away, but I couldn't. I was rooted to my place on the threshold. It was as though all my lust for him sank to the floor and created cement boots intent on holding me in his presence. His back glistened like liquid gold as the sunlight streamed in the window. He must have noticed the difference in temperature, because he looked over his shoulder. He smiled as he met my roaming eyes. Does he know I'm trying to devour him whole with just my eyes?

I froze; I was like a bowl of Jell-O when he smiled. I felt my mind turning to mush, and I forgot why I had even come in here. My eyes continued to run up and down his body. I was so lost in my awe of him that I forgot to even get embarrassed.

His grin expanded as he watched me look at him. My heart was racing and suddenly I was finding myself torn. Part of me screamed 'Bella, just back up, apologize and close the damn door!' However, another part whispered, 'Bella, just take one step forward. Then another one, and you can be In his arms.'

The voices in my head were confusing me, which left me standing there, speechless and in a daze.


	5. What's That Smell?

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Chapter 5

Jacob

I pulled back on Paul's shaking shoulders, struggling to pull him away from the table and out of the house. Quil and Seth hurried over to help me. Paul fought wildly and some how held his own against the three of us. I had never seen him quite like that before. He must really have been mad as hell.

"You're really taking the leech lover's side?" he screamed once we were out on the deck, yanking himself out of my grasp. He whipped around to face me with his teeth bared.

"Did you hear what she said about us? About you, Jacob? Did you?" he howled, trying to get back to the house and back to Bella. Like I'd ever let that happen. He was dangerously close to phasing right here. His face was covered in sweat, trying to fight the urge to transform.

"Paul, you need to calm down," Sam commanded, coming out of the house and stopping in front of the four of us.

I glanced at him, then looked over his shoulder to meet Bella's startled gaze. I wanted to run to her so I could comfort and shield her. Before I could make a move toward her though, she turned, holding that damn phone in her hands. I shook my head in amazement; Edward was the one she clung to, even when he was halfway around the world.

"Chill out, Paul," Embry said, coming out of the house with a fistful of bacon. "She was just making a joke. You know, ha ha, very funny?"

We all ignored him and sat with Paul while he continued to calm down. Finally, he shuddered out a deep, soothing breath. Sam nodded at him, then straightened up from his crouched position. I sighed in relief, that had been close. Thankfully, Paul was able to control himself a little better these days.

"Jake, you are still covered in syrup," Quil said with a laugh. I looked down at my chest and was reminded of the look on Bella's face when I took my shirt off. If I could have burned from the fire in her eyes, I'd be a pile of ashes right now.

"Jacob, you should probably go ahead and take a shower. Ask Emily to get you a pair of my shorts." I nodded and headed into the house. Emily was in the kitchen, cleaning up after the disastrous breakfast. I heard Bella on the phone in the bedroom, and tried desperately not to listen in. I wasn't in the mood to hear her declaring her love for someone else.

"Need any help?" I asked, bumping my hip against Emily's. She playfully bumped back.

"Nah, I should be okay. I'm just going to wrap up the rest of this bacon…" I grabbed the plate and stuffed a couple of pieces in my mouth.

"What bacon?" I mumbled over the wad in my mouth. She swatted at me with her dishtowel, giggling at me. I sat down at the table to finish my bacon.

"Jacob," she said, becoming serious. She stepped up in front of me. A strand of long black hair had gotten in her face; she flicked it behind her shoulder, displaying her half-ruined face.

"You need to be careful. Maybe you should back off. Bella's not in the greatest place right now. She knows that she loves Edward, but she also knows that she loves you. She's trying to figure out why that is, and how to cope with it. She's really confused, and she doesn't need you pressuring her to do something she doesn't want to do."

"She loves me?" I asked with hope, even though I already knew it. Bella had told me many times that she loved me. Still, it had always felt like pity, like it was a consolation prize for being second place to the leech. I was surprised though, to hear Emily tell me how Bella felt. I wondered if Bella had confessed her love for me to Emily or if she had just picked up on it with that 'girl sense,' but I decided it would be better not to ask. Just the fact that Emily knew made that love seem real.

"Of course she does, but you know that." I nodded. This was true, but was it enough? Was it to the extent that I loved her? I did at least know this much: The woman I loved, loved me back—at least to some extent. She looked intently into my eyes for several seconds before turning back to the sink.

"You should go take a shower, Jacob. You are covered. Go and get that syrup off of you," Emily giggled. I looked at her with Sam's eyes. She was so beautiful. I was insanely jealous of Sam that the girl of his dreams picked him. I couldn't help but wish Bella could be my Emily.

"Oh, and Jake, next time you want Bella's attention on your chest, could you maybe use the store-bought syrup instead?" she teased in a sugar-sweet voice. I grinned and stuck my tongue out at her; she knew me too well.

She brought me a pair of Sam's shorts, and reminded me that the bathroom fan was broken, so I needed to leave the door open a smidgen. I nodded and walked to the small bathroom between the two bedrooms. I started the shower and waited for the water to warm up.

As I waited, I examined myself in the mirror. Why can't Bella want me like I want her? My eyes searched for a reason. The leech couldn't really be a better choice for her, could he? Angry at myself for trying to compare myself to him, I yanked at the button of my jeans and pulled them down, kicking them into a heap on the floor.

My chest heaved, it physically hurt to know that she thought he was better than me. She wanted that cold dead thing. She didn't want me, warm and alive. I pulled at the green flowered curtain, hearing the rings glide over the metal rod that they hung on. Stepping under the steady stream of water, I closed my eyes and let it beat down and massage my back.

'Puh-lease. Why on earth would I want to be a wolf girl?' I heard her voice say. My eyes snapped open and my heart jumped. Her voice was so clear to me that I peeked from behind the curtain, thinking she might have stepped in the bathroom with me. No such luck. I thrust my head back under the nozzle.

Why indeed? I had nothing to give her, nothing to offer. Cullen was rich—not that I ever took Bella for the kind of girl who cared about things like that—but he could keep her happy, he could offer her what she wanted. I shuddered, knowing that one of the things she wanted most was to be cold and dead with him.

'Why on earth would I want to be a wolf girl?' she asked again in my mind, echoing in my ears over and over. I was losing my mind.

Standing there, I tortuously compared myself to him. He was well dressed, well educated, and well mannered. And I… I was none of those things. Bella deserved better. Maybe I should back off like Emily had suggested. Things wouldn't be complicated if I could just keep my hands off her.

"…I know you wouldn't. I love you, Edward." I heard her say, pulling me from my thoughts. I could hear the smile in her voice. I thought I might heave bacon from the jealousy boiling in me. She paused, then said, "I trust you, I know you will come back. I know you aren't going to be able to stay away this time."

I leaned my head against the cool tile of the shower. I wished that he had just stayed away back then. I knew that if he had, Bella would be with me. Better yet, I wished that the unholy abomination was laying cold and dead in the ground like he should have been these past 100 years, or how ever long it was. Stupid undead bloodsucker, he disturbed the order. This was not right. She should be with me.

I sighed as I finished washing my body free of the blackberry syrup, trying not to think about the reaction Bella had had. I looked around for shampoo and could only find some fruity crap perched on the edge of the tub. Great. I was going to smell like a girl. I was sure one of my brothers would comment on it. After I rinsed, I stepped out and closed the door leading out into the hallway so I could dry off in private. I was just wrapping my towel around my waist when the door leading to the spare bedroom was yanked open.

I turned in the direction of Bella's stunned moan. I caught her eyes raking over my body again, trying to drink me in. They darted up and down from head to toe and back again. I laughed at her expression. I had never seen such an expression across her features nor her eyes hold such an intense stare.

"Like what you see, Bells?" I smirked, cocking an eyebrow in her direction. Her mouth worked, but no sound came out.

I laughed again. "Bells?" Still nothing. I couldn't help but grin at her. This was pretty amusing. It was as if she had even forgotten how to blush. I had never seen her like this, it was definitely weird. I tried to decipher the expression on her face, but as I took a breath into my lungs, a new scent came over me. I had never smelled such an aroma before and my head reeled from it. It was amazing, it even made my mouth water.

Suddenly, I couldn't think about anything but this scent, the scent that surrounded Bella, radiated from her center. It made my head spin and my hair follicles feel like live wires. I found myself leaping at Bella as every fiber in my body seemed to ignite from the lust. I grabbed her up by slapping my hands on the back of her thighs and pulling her up to my level. She wrapped her body around mine as I pushed her against the bathroom wall. As soon as she split her legs to hug them around my waist, that tantalizing scent became so much stronger. Her tongue danced in my mouth and her hands tugged at my hair. We stumbled out of the small and steamy bathroom with our hands roaming over each other as we crossed the tiny guest room.

This feeling was insane. It was like I was trying to control myself from phasing, except with this it wasn't my body that was exploding, it was my mind. I couldn't think. Part of me screamed to stop, that this wasn't what she truly wanted, but that scent just lit a fire inside of me. The other, beastly, part of me was full of instincts telling me this is exactly what she wanted, which made it exactly what I needed. I nuzzled her neck and felt a growl breaking from deep within my chest. Bella's little fingers laced in my hair as she pulled me back to look into her eyes. I could see only lust in her chocolate eyes, and I wondered fleetingly if she was thinking about what we were doing.

My heart soared as her lips seemed to seek mine out, and I forgot about being concerned. Naturally, I obliged her wish for more, giving her full access to my mouth. I felt her thigh hitch tighter around my waist, her calf grazed my ass as I lost my towel. I didn't care. Bella moaned on my lips and pushed me away from her just enough to yank the little tank top she had been wearing up over her head.

Her strong legs squeezed around me, holding her weight up, which left my hands free to roam like they had minds of their own. I took Bella in an embrace and with the flick of my fingers, I freed her of her bra and tossed it across the room. I grinned down at her. We were both panting over our desire for each other. I couldn't seem to form even one coherent thought, except that maybe her pants needed to come off too. I wanted the feel of her skin pressed on mine.

I moved my hands down past her shoulders, traced my hands over her awe-inspiring breasts, and enjoyed the stiffening of her nipples before I moved closer to the bed and we toppled on to it. The frame protested with a sharp creak under the force of our fall. I roughly yanked her up closer to the head of the bed. I let my nails graze down her flat stomach until my fingertips curled under the waistband of her jeans. I looked up just long enough for my eyes to beg permission to take the next step. She moaned and arched her back, pushing her pelvis into my hands, silently telling me to keep going.

I grunted and pulled at her pants. Within moments I had her stripped down to nothing but little sunshine-colored panties. I growled as the perfume of her arousal seemed to have me in a chokehold. Again, every fiber in my body seemed to jump. I had to have her.

I practically slammed my body against hers. My lips wanted to touch her everywhere—her lips, her neck, her shoulder, her collarbone. I moved my mouth to her breasts, sucking on her nipples, nibbling on them, and loving the sound of her whimpering for me. I licked down her toned tummy. I couldn't help but moan against her skin. Every move I made, every thing I did seemed to reward me with more of the aroma that was driving me to insanity.

"Oh god... Jake," Bella moaned, as my tongue dragged across the edge of her hip. This was the first sentence she had uttered since she had walked in on me.

Her little hands yanked at my hair, forcing me to look at her. She looked almost as wild as I felt with her tousled curls flying everywhere. She sat up and urged me to move onto my back. I did as she wanted and was rewarded as she brought one leg over so she could straddle me. She laid her hands flat on my chest. Her hot, wet... Mmmmmm... all thoughts left my head as she ground herself against me.

I could feel with my cock how hot and wet she was right through her panties. I thought my cock was at attention before, but now it was almost painfully so. Oh god! I ran my fingers softly up her back and yanked at her hair, remembering that she was sure to arch her back in response, which she did. We both let out sighs as she dug at my chest and ground her hips against me.

"Gah... Ah ohhh god," I managed to breath out.

"Jacob," she breathed, picking up the pace of her gyrations.

I leaned up, propping myself up with one arm and letting the other run up and down her back. I brought my face to her chest and danced my tongue over her nipples, alternately sucking and nipping at them. I kissed up her neck, and the more I did the more she rode me. Fuck, this is evil. I had never wanted something as bad as I wanted to feel her warmth surround my cock right now. I tangled my hand in her hair and kissed her roughly, and brought the fingers of my other hand under the band of her panties so I could pull them down.

Bella broke our kiss, tossing her head back and moaning loudly.

Rap…tap-tap...rap...tap-tap.

FUCK! My neck almost broke from swinging towards the knocking on the window. I saw Paul staring at Bella, who was still frozen in shock. I quickly grabbed her discarded robe from the floor and wrapped her in it. Luckily, she was covering me, although it wasn't as if Paul hadn't seen me naked before.

The sheer look of joy on Paul's face would have made you think he was the one laying in the bed with Bella straddling his cock. I was well aware that there was only a thin cloth separating me from her hot wetness. I was smug about this, until he mocked me with his eyes. I growled.

"So, Bella, you're not so scared of getting fleas from Jake, are you?" he said with a smirk. I let out another growl as Bella hung her head in her hands. Paul chuckled happily, which was strange. What's going on? "I will wait for you two lovebirds out front. Hurry up," he barked without the usual malice in his voice. He waggled his eyebrows and was gone.

I looked at Bella who had turned a startling shade of red, one that I had never seen before in all the years I had known her. I wanted to say something, something comforting or reassuring, but I had no idea what on earth to say. For now I could only hold my breath. Shit, I was no better then one of those awful leeches, her scent had sent me over the edge just as bad as if I was any of them. Well, maybe not just as bad, though I had been pretty damn bad. It was like raw, blind, animal lust. I had never experienced such a thing quite like that before.

Bella's face finally showed signs of change. She gave me a weak smile from where she still sat straddling my lap. She slid off my lap and I caught her taking a quick little peek. I smiled, but I didn't comment on what it did to me when she bit her lower lip while she looked at my cock, hard and aching for her.

I sighed and slowly rose to my feet walking nude across the room. I still didn't care, it wasn't like I had anything to hide from her any more. I collected her bra and her shirt from where we had tossed them across the room and silently placed them in her lap. She had her arms across her chest and was staring at her legs that she had firmly placed together. I kneeled in front of her and grabbed the jeans I had taken off of her, but she didn't make a move to take them. So instead, I placed them next to her on the bed. I was feeling very unsure of myself, I didn't know what to do or how to react.

I was about to walk to the bathroom for Sam's spare pair of shorts, but instead I cupped her face in my palm. I felt her lean into it as I made her look me in the eyes. I touched my forehead into hers, locking my black eyes with her brown ones. I let my lips just graze over hers and quickly rose to my feet. I turned away from the bed and walked into the bathroom to get dressed and to give her privacy to do the same.

As I closed the door behind me, I wondered, What if that was the last time my lips got to press on hers? I felt my heart tremble, I didn't think I could handle that.

**A/N: What'd you think? Review and let us know!!**

**We did have this story up in Simply Twilight, but unfortunately the site was compromised and we no longer have our fic there. We'll have it on here and on Twilighted.**

**Don't forget that beckie and the rest of Team SOB are rocking the wolfy love. You don't have much time left before the challenge closes. So WRITE THAT OS!!**


	6. I'm a Horrible Person

Thanks so much for all the reviews for the story this past chapter. I'm glad that you guys liked what we wrote!

Many thanks to Megan, the beta with the golden hand. BIG thanks to ysar for the hot new banner. You can find it on Twilighted. I love it, do you? I could stare at it all day long. It's lemon-inspiring, really.

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight...the books, the plot, the characters. We don't.

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Chapter 6- I'm a horrible person

Bella

I sat nearly nude in a state of shock; I couldn't close my eyes. Perhaps it was more that I refused to close them, because when I did, I saw Jacob Black in all his glory. Even now, as he walked across the room, I couldn't help but look at his firm, round ass cheeks. He bent down to collect the bra and shirt that had been tossed aside in our moment of passion.

Quickly, before he could turn around, I focused my attention on my hands resting at my knees. I was ashamed; I had become an animal who didn't think about anything but having this man that was in front of me. When Paul had peeked in the window, he had seen everything. If he hadn't seen everything, then he had certainly seen enough. He had seen more of me than my own fiancée. I shuddered when I remembered Edward. Oh, Edward! My chest tightened at the thought of my trusting and loving Edward. I was being so horrible to him, just because I couldn't keep my hands off of my best friend. I felt the soft cotton of my shirt tickle my legs as Jacob dropped my things in my lap.

I couldn't bear to look up at Jake. I just couldn't allow myself to do it. I wasn't sure if this was out of guilt or fear. I knew I felt guilty for what we had just done, but I was terrified that if I looked up at Jacob, I would pull his hard, sculpted, god-like body back to mine. The thought brought a shiver running up my spine. I heard him take a deep breath, then felt his burning hand cup the side of my face. I couldn't help but nuzzle into his hand as he pulled my face up to look at him.

He kissed me softly but this time I did not kiss him back. I did not deserve to kiss this amazing man. I ducked my head again as he walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I sat alone on the bed, closing my eyes tight and reminding myself to breathe. My mind flashed back to images of Jacob loving me. I had never felt such an intense fire inside me. I had forgotten about everything but Jake and my near primal need for him. I knew one thing for sure—I had never felt that way with Edward. I had never felt like I was going to be burned alive with his touch, I had never melted around his kiss. The guilt threatened to crush me.

In an attempt to not succumb to my tears, I threw my clothes to the floor in disgust. Try as I might not to, what had just happened between Jake and I kept playing over and over again in my mind. It was as if I had been possessed. And Jake? What had happened with him? He had never acted like that. Ever. He seemed to act like a vampire with fresh flowing blood. I didn't understand, and I was pretty sure that it wasn't just a simple teenage hormone thing.

I sighed heavily, stood up, and looked around. I needed to change, needed to feel free from the dirty feelings of guilt and shame. Putting back on the same clothes that I had just stripped off with Jacob was not clean…I'd start having dirty thoughts again. I rummaged through my bag and found a clean pair of jeans and a tee shirt. I brushed my hair out and tried to force everything that I was thinking out of my head. Paul had undoubtedly been sent over to get us for a reason and the sooner I faced the world, the better.

I stepped out of my room, somehow managing to trip over the threshold. Before I could fall forward, though, Jake was there to steady me and help me stand. He gave me a weak smile that I returned, again biting back threatening tears.

"Bella..." he started, then paused. He looked down at me and gave me a one-armed hug before leading me out to the living room where we found the smiling Paul. That was really weird. I had just insulted him over breakfast. I couldn't figure out why he was smiling and happy to see me.

He leaned up against the edge of Emily's sofa. "Okay...so, originally Sam sent me here to apologize. I wasn't going to, but he ordered me to. Then I saw…what I saw," my face burned bright again as I folded my arms over my chest. He sighed and leapt to his feet. Jake moved defensively in front of me, but Paul just grinned at him, "Cool it, guard dog."

Paul then pulled me into his arms, enveloping me in a hug. "Bella, I realize now that I seriously do owe you an apology. I mean, hell! You're part of the pack now! I am really sorry for acting the way I have. I thought you were just toying with Jake," he said, squeezing me one more time before letting me go. He stepped back and tousled Jake's hair, acting like a typical, annoying, older brother. I was speechless. Who was this, and what had they done with the real Paul?

"I mean, Jake has been a mess with you choosing the bloodsucker over him. I couldn't figure out why you did it. I mean, why would you want to be a leech lover when you could be a wolf girl? Wolf girl is so much better than the leech lover who has been putting us all through hell," he went on and I could see Jake start to puff up in my defense. Paul smiled apologetically to let us know we shouldn't take offense, then changed the subject. "All right, well, we're setting up the bonfire for Billy's party now. Jake, I'm sure we could use your help. I will see you guys at the beach." He squeezed me one more time and then was out the door.

Dear God, I think I had liked him better when he was mean. I snuck a glance at Jacob, and it looked as though he was trying to process the words that Paul had spoken. His face brightened as he came to his conclusion. Clearly, Paul's words and the meaning behind our actions had sunk in. This was bad, really bad. I groaned inwardly and closed my eyes tight. He looked so freaking happy. What was I going to do?

I didn't want to hurt him, but what else was I supposed to do? I couldn't leave the love of my life because Jake and I were horny teenagers! I realized I was beginning to go crazy. I tried to breathe, to think, to speak but all I could see in my mind was the sheer pleasure rippling from Jakes entire being as I looked at him. I loved him. Part of me wished Edward would just stay in Volterra, so I could revel in the pleasure. But he couldn't, and I couldn't.

My stomach flipped, and I felt the urge to throw up. I wanted Edward to stay away? I wanted to leave Edward? Where did these thoughts come from? I was being a horrible person. I was only leading Jake on. I was happy with Edward, I wanted forever with him. Or at least I thought I did. I was definitely a horrible person.

"Jake," I barely managed to force his name out in a raspy whisper. "Jacob?"

He picked me up and spun me around Emily's nice, tidy living room. Stop. Stop! STOP! My mind screamed at him to stop being so damn perfect! "Jacob, put me down please."

He looked at me with confusion strewn across his face, and he seemed to know that my tone could not be good. He set me down on the floor and I gave him a weak smile. How on earth was I going to do this? Why did he keep making me do this to him? How many times did I have to feel like a demon that was out to break his heart?

My head flashed to the woods the day that Edward left me. I could only hope he took my rejection better than I had taken Edward's. I told him over and over that it would never work but nothing like this had ever happened between the two of us. He never looked like he did now, full of joy and love.

"Bella, please..." he started to beg, but I placed my fingers on his lips and shook my head back and forth.

"No, Jake. Jacob. This is not happening. What Paul thinks is...well it just isn't. He's got it wrong. I am not going to say that moment between us wasn't amazing but it was just that, Jacob. It was an amazing moment. I am engaged. I am going to marry Edward in a couple of weeks." Seeing his face as I said the words made me ill. I could hardly stomach the thought of me being the reason for his pain. The urge to throw up was back as I watched his brow harden and he cloaked his eyes shut. The Jake Face was gone and the Pack Face was back. He gnawed on his lip and started to shake.

"Jake?" I whispered, wanting to take the pain away, wanting to die from doing this to him over and over again. He turned away from me and I thought that my chest was going to collapse from the pain. It felt eerily similar to the hole I used to have in my chest, the hole he had helped to heal.

"Bella, you're insane, but I guess I've always known that. I'm done. I've fought the good fight for so long, but I can't fight anymore. I love you, but you don't love me the same way or with the intensity. I am sorry for what happened in there. I am so sorry. I shouldn't have acted like that."

"Don't be sorry, Jacob. That was amazing. Please, Jake," I wanted him to turn around, so I could see his beautiful face. My voice trembled, "I'm the one who should be sorry." He finally turned, looking haunted and shrunken in pain.

"Yes, you should be sorry, Bella. But don't be sorry for me. Be sorry for yourself. I'm in love with you and I always will be. Be sorry that you chose not to love me back, be sorry for what you'll be missing. I am not going to fight with you anymore Bella. I've fought for you almost as long as I've had you in my life. I'm done fighting for you, and fighting with you over what you want. You've made your decision," he barked and turned away from me, leaving me alone in the living room. Oh dear God, if this was the right choice then why did it feel so wrong?

I stumbled back into the bedroom, overcome by tears. I couldn't get over what an atrocious, evil person I had become; I didn't deserve either one of the amazing men in my life. I sobbed into my pillow that still smelled like Jacob and grapefruit until my mind shut itself down and I fell into a fitful sleep.

There was a ringing sound next to me. Groaning, I lifted my head and answered it. "Mm, hullo?"

"Bella?"

"Dad?"

"Why aren't you here? It is Billy's birthday. Get on over here to Billy and Jacob's house. We're hanging here for a little while, and then we're going to head over to the beach around six, after the game." I glanced at the clock, and was surprised to see that it was already past three. My stomach growled and I realized that I hadn't had breakfast or lunch.

"Dad…"

"You need to come here," he hissed quietly into the phone. "Billy is my best friend, and it is important to me." I heard a mumbling sound in the background. "Emily says that if you get over here, she's got food, since you haven't eaten anything all day, apparently," he said disapprovingly.

"Fine. I'll be there in about ten minutes." I hung up and gathered my bearings. I was going to have to see Jacob. I wondered how he'd react to my presence; I wondered how I would react to his. I grabbed a sweatshirt and a blanket for the bonfire before heading out of the house.

As I arrived in front of the Blacks' house, I was unsure of my role there. I figured I'd do my best to just avoid Jake—yeah, like that was ever possible. It was as if he was a magnet for me. I just wanted to be around him all the time. I grabbed the box containing the flannel shirt I had bought for Billy and headed into the house.

All the guys were surrounding the television, watching the Mariner's game. Emily and Rachel waved to me from the kitchen. I took the gift to Billy, he unwrapped it and gave me a thankful kiss on the cheek. I avoided Jacob's hot gaze that I felt on me and went into the kitchen.

"…he's been staring at you all day," Emily said to Rachel, who snuck a peek into the living room. I looked behind us and indeed, saw Paul staring at Rachel like she was the only person in the world.

"I know! But he's different now, he's so handsome…" she sighed. I grinned at Emily over Rachel's head.

Imprint, she mouthed over Rachel's head and I nodded. "So, Bella, feel better after your nap? I was going to wake you, but you looked like you really needed it," Emily said, handing me a sandwich and a glass of milk. I simply nodded again and started on my sandwich.

The afternoon passed by quickly as the guys watched the game. I tried to evade Jacob's conspicuous looks and helped Emily with the cooking for the bonfire. Around five, we packed up all the food and headed down to the beach. I parked my truck out of the way and rode with Emily. We didn't really know where they had planned to build the bonfire, so we giggled over our long walk. Once we found the others, I stayed close to Charlie and asked him about work, the house, and anything else I could think of to prevent me from having to look at Jacob. I needn't have worried, he was with Embry and Jared lighting the towering pile of wood.

We laughed and talked as the evening turned into night. Billy wanted to do some storytelling, so we all settled on the ground to listen to him.

"Hey, Bells," Jake said, sitting next to me. "Long time no talk."

"Hey, Jake," I stammered. He acted like nothing was going on. Billy began his story, but I was too focused on each and every breath out of Jacob's chest to hear anything that was being spoken. He inched closer to me a little bit at a time until he was almost on top of me, but not quite touching me. My body felt like a thousand live wires were attached. I wanted to stroke my fingers across his body so I could remember the silkiness of his skin. I wanted to tangle my hands in his soft, black hair. I wanted to taste his sweet lips.

I couldn't handle being around him. I swiftly stood up in the midst of Billy's story and ran off.

"Don't worry, I'll talk to her," I heard Jacob reassure someone, I'm sure it was either my father or Emily. I huffed and continued to run towards where I remembered I parked the truck. I knew I didn't have a hope of staying ahead of him.

"Leave me alone, Jacob!" I screamed over my shoulder, stomping up into the vegetation just past the rocks of the beach. My God, this man-child would not take the hint. I felt my stomach knot as I thought about that. My head rushed over the past couple of days' memories. The night I punched him, the morning of the battle in the clearing, the kiss we shared at Newton's, and today…perhaps it was me who was the one not taking the hint.

Even now, thinking about him made my heart pound even faster. I remembered his hot lips burning on mine and his hands over my body. I remembered the way his hands had made the metal of the lockers crash when he surrounded me at Newton's and the way his breath felt against my neck. Most of all, I remembered I was the one who leaned in. I was the one who couldn't handle the heat. He'd always waited for me to make the first move, and I was the weak one.

I had to get away from here, I had to get out of La Push—Edward and Sam be damned. What had I done? I had all but jumped Jacob's bones at the first chance. I couldn't keep my eyes, my hands, my lips off of him, and he was in almost every one of my thoughts.

"Bella, get a hold of yourself!" I shouted, surprising myself.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I realized I had left my keys and wallet by the bonfire with Emily. Could I handle going back, could I handle looking at Jacob when I felt like this, filled with longing and need, shame and regret?

I took a deep breath. Suddenly, warmth came over me as I felt his breath on the back of my neck. He stood behind me, not touching me. I turned around and brought my face to his chest and his arms wrapped gently around me. It felt so wrong but so right all at the same time.

"Even if you don't have a hold on yourself, I would still like to," Jacob whispered in his sweet, kind, husky voice. At that moment, he sounded like my best friend Jacob, not the slightly overbearing but oh so intoxicating temptation he had been for the past few weeks.

I smiled up at him because I suddenly lost all feelings of hostility; I felt happy and safe. "You always have a hold on me, Jacob," I breathed out in a sigh. I don't know why I was confessing, but I didn't want to run from him just then.

The grin that graced his face made my head spin. He bit his lower lip and his eyes bore into mine, almost as if he was looking for truth in my words. He fell to his knees, making him almost at eye level with me. He placed his palms on my cheeks and brought my face down to press his forehead to mine. Our eyes became locked in a heated discussion that neither he nor I wanted to speak out loud.

I was the one to break the silent dialogue. I slid my arms around his neck and laced my fingers into his hair. He hesitated, but I urged him closer. I crushed my mouth against his soft moist lips. He remained still for a second, almost as if he was going to stop me, but the moment passed and his hands caressed me as the fire burning between our two bodies threatened to consume us. Focused completely on his perfect mouth, I didn't even notice that he had picked me up and carried me to my truck until the back of my thighs hit the tailgate. He sat me down as he laid out the blanket I kept in the cab, then he lifted me up and laid me down against the soft cotton of the blanket.

I looked up at Jake. The sun had long since set, and as I looked at him hovering over me with the star-speckled sky as his backdrop, I thought that he was like a god, like a dream. He was my one and only desire. In that moment, Jacob was all that I wanted and the only thing that I would ever want. It was as if Edward had never existed.

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Do we think that it is gonna happen next chapter? I sure hope so. For real. They need to just do it already.

Reviews are like little Christmas presents that Santa leaves under the tree!! :)


	7. Unavoidable

WOOT! Here's what you've all been waiting for. I'm not gonna go on and on with the chapter notes, I'm just going to thank Megan for all the hard work she did with this chapter and thank And ysar for just being all around awesome.

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Chapter 7-Unavoidable

Bella

I looked up at Jake hovering over me. With the star-specked sky behind him he seemed like a god or maybe even a dream. He was my one and only desire and in that moment, Jacob was all that I wanted and the only thing that I could ever imagine wanting. It was as if Edward had never existed.

He leaned down to kiss me and while he buried his head in the crook of my neck, I pressed kisses on his shoulders, down his arms—every part of his body that I could get my lips on. His hot skin called to me and I needed to touch him. What I was feeling was something I didn't even know I was capable of feeling.

Putting a stop to my roaming lips, Jake found my mouth and kissed me hard, the amount of his passion evident as he hurriedly and forcefully edged me onto my back. While I was stunned at first by his obvious hunger for me, I soon realized that I liked it. I liked how his rough touch showed that he needed me like no one had ever needed another person before. It added to the intense desire I felt for him.

His body covered mine, and I traced my hands up the legs of his jeans to his hips. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath of his raw, masculine scent. He kissed down my neck while his hands ran up under my shirt, lifting it, inching it higher and higher. I moaned, stunned by the realization that my body was already trembling from his powerful touches.

His hot tongue yanked me from all rational thought. He tugged my shirt up over my head and leaned down, licking from my bellybutton to my neck, following the path my missing shirt had left in its wake. He glanced down deep into my eyes and the look of love that I found gazing back at me sealed it. All the words that would have stopped him became muddled in my mind. I knew that I should want him to stop but I didn't. I had never wanted anything else as much as I wanted this. To speak the words that would stop him would have been a crime.

He kissed and nibbled on my neck, groaning against my skin. I whimpered as his hands came up under my bra and found the stiff peaks of my nipples waiting for him. I eagerly brought my mouth to his while my hands started undoing the buttons of his shirt with minds of their own. My fumbling fingers only got two undone before I got frustrated and ripped the shirt the rest of the way open.

He laughed, bit his lower lip, and gave me a strange look. I thought he was about to speak, that he was just trying to find the right words, so I quieted him with another kiss. Words would simply break the peace that I had finally found. In this silence I could get away with doing what my heart and body were sure was the right thing to do. Words would ruin everything.

After a brief unresponsive moment, he eagerly returned my kiss and let his shirt fall to the ground. He broke away from me and quickly flipped us over, my breath getting caught in my throat as he pulled me onto his lap so I could straddle him. We locked eyes as his fingers ran over my skin, across my back, and tangled in my hair.I rubbed my hand across the hard muscles of his stomach, his arms, and his shoulders before reaching around his back to hold on for dear life. He sat us both up and I felt his lips against the skin of my neck as he flicked his tongue over my collarbone where Edward so often liked to place his kisses.

My brain protested as the thought of Edward fluttered through my brain…but then left as quickly as it had come. I didn't want to think of Edward; my heart only wanted Jacob, his warm body. His hot breath warmed the air-chilled trail that his tongue had traced on my neck. Goosebumps rose all over my body and I whimpered into his shoulder. I kept my arms tight around his neck and pulled him with me as he laid me back down on the truck bed again.

I ran my hands across his shoulder blades and wove my fingers through his hair. My heart skipped a beat as his hips fell against mine. The bulge of his hard-on proved his need as it pressed against my own sensitive center through the denim of his jeans. I focused on the thudding pulse against his neck, the show of his heightened heart rate. We both tried hard to catch our breath…this feeling was dizzying and exhilarating.

"Jacob…" I breathed in a moan as he ground himself into me, which was making me feel frenzied. I had to have him; I had to have him inside me right then. The primal need I had felt earlier in the day was back and showed no signs of slowing. I tightened my grip on his hips and let my hands snake around to his ass. I pressed him down to me while I wrapped my legs around his waist. My body was moving with his, wanting him so badly I thought I might explode.

"Bella?" he panted, his breath hot in my ear. "Bella…I can't do this."

"What? You don't…want me?" I asked, feeling strangely devastated as I pulled back so I could look up at him.

He closed his eyes, and whispered, "I do, you know I do." He took a deep breath and sat up. I followed suit, crossing my arms over my bare chest.

"Then what is your problem?"

"I want to do this, but I can't. Not here. Not in the back of a truck. It isn't…I can't. You deserve better than this. We both do."

"That doesn't matter to me. All that matters right now is you. Why can't you understand that?" I stood up from the truck and looked around the ground for my bra. Stupid dark, I could hardly see anything.

"And all that matters to me is you, and that's why I don't want our first time to be in the back of a truck. I want more for you. For us. It'll happen. I promise you that. But not here." His voice was thick with regret.

"Well, where then? And when? Because I want you right now." I grabbed my bra and put it on before turning to Jake with my hands on my hips. Hoping to tempt him, I leaned against him as I rubbed my chest against his. He let out a low moan and wrapped his arms around me.

"Well, my house is out. Charlie's half-drunk already, so we know he won't be driving back to Forks tonight. Emily's house is out too, because let's face it, I don't want a replay of what happened with Paul. That was definitely a buzz kill."

An idea popped in my head. "You said Charlie will be crashing at your house?" Jake nodded as he absently stroked his fingers over the top of my breasts. "Jake. Let's go to my house. There's no one there. Wait. Shit. My keys are with my father at the bonfire."

He grinned and stuck his hand in his pocket. "Oh, you mean these keys?" I smiled back at him. "Let's go." I nodded and grabbed my shirt before tripping my way through the dark to the passenger door. Jake climbed in and started the car.

"Sorry about your shirt, Jake," I said as he pulled out of the woods.

"Sure you are. I don't blame you for your inability to restrain yourself from ripping my clothes off. I'm pretty hot. 'Sides, I'm kind of used to all my clothes ripping off my body anyway." I laughed and snuggled up against him, the fire of his body warming me. I nipped at his neck as my fingers roamed over his chest muscles and delighted at the sound of his quickened breath as his free hand gripped my thigh.

It might have been the fastest ride from La Push to Forks possible in my truck, but it still took too long, The strokes, the stolen kisse and the groping almost proved to be too much as the sexual tension between the two of us built to an unbearable level. When we parked, I slid out the driver's side door behind Jake and he threw me over his shoulder as he jogged up to the front door. Using the key from my ring, he unlocked the door and carried me up the stairs. Once he had set me down, the nerves started kicking in, as well as thoughts of Edward. This was my bedroom. This was where I'd slept in Edward's arms as he hummed to me.

Expelling a breath, I kicked off my sneakers and sat on the edge of the bed while Jake took a look around, checking out my bulletin board which was clogged with pictures and mementos. His eyes lit up when he saw the movie stubs from the night we had gone out with Mike Newton to the movies. The night that changed everything.

"So, Jake…when we were back in the forest, you said that you didn't want our first time to be in the back of a truck. Ours, not yours. Is there something I need to know?" He moved his eyes from the corkboard to me.

"Well, yeah, Bella…I've been around girls. I live on a freaking reservation. It isn't like we have malls. Gotta keep ourselves entertained somehow." The corner of his mouth lifted in a half smile. What?! Jake had been with other girls already? I wasn't going to be his first? This idea perturbed me far more than I ever thought it could. I shook my head when I realized that he was still talking.

"Yeah, she was a friend of Rebecca and Rachel. It was right after you told me out in the woods that you were going to stay with the bloodsucker. I had run home to lick my wounds and voila, there she was. And one thing turned into another."

"So wait, where has she been all this time?" Was Jake…with someone?

"She went back to college back east. She was on her spring break. It was nothing, Bells. Neither was the other one."

"The other one? You mean there's been more than one?" I squeaked. This was just too much.

"Come on, Bells, it was just some fun. What, I can't be with anyone, but you can? I mean, you've been with the leech for what, over a year, right? What's the big deal?"

"Big deal? Weren't you going to tell me? At least I've never hid Edward from you." Where was this anger coming from? Why did I even care? It wasn't like I had some kind of claim on Jacob. It wasn't like this even mattered to me.

"No, instead you choose to rub him in my face over and over. Every day I have to watch you choose him. So what if I was with a couple of girls, Bella? You didn't want me. Is it such a surprise that other people do? At least I don't toss my relationships in your face like you do to me." I stood up and slapped him, hard. My palm stung and the tears in my eyes hurt even more.

Stepping closer so he was toe to toe with me, he rubbed his face where a red mark was forming a perfect imprint of my hand. "Why does it bother you, Bella? Why do you care?" His voice had gone to a dark place.

"I don't care. Why should I care who you sleep with? Just don't expect me to be the next notch in your belt," I said as I crossed my arms and glared at him.

At that his eyes went dark with a mixture of rage and desire. He hovered over me closer and closer until I sat back down on the bed. He leaned down and grabbed my wrists, simultaneously pushing me back and swinging my arms over my head. He had easily and successfully pinned me and I had no hope of escaping his hands or his eyes.

"Don't lie to me, Bells. I know you fucking care. Now tell me why you're all worked up about it when I told you they didn't mean anything." His low, growling voice sent shivers down my spine. I whimpered at the effect Angry Jake was having on me.

"Because you're mine. I don't want anyone else to have you, okay? I don't want you to be with anyone else." An evil grin slowly crawled across his face. "Please, Jake," I pleaded with him, attempting to wriggle my wrists free from his tight grip. I needed him, I needed to be his. He leaned down and kissed me roughly. "Please…please make me yours," I whispered against his lips.

His breath expelled on a sigh as he released one of my wrists and brought his hand down to my hip, pressing his groin down into me. Before I knew it, he had released the other hand and was pulling my shirt roughly over my head again and undoing the clasp to my bra. I pressed my chest against his, moaning at the sizzle I felt when our bodies touched.

He brought his mouth to my nipples, leaving a trail of hungry kisses over them while he unbuttoned the top of my jeans. I followed up with undoing his pants and pushing them down his hips, desperation taking over my senses and making my movements frenzied.

He stood up and kicked out of them, leaving him clad only in his boxers. He came back down to work his mouth over my stomach and to pull my jeans down over my legs and feet. His movements seemed to take on a crazed pace of their own as he brought his lips back to mine and placed his hands on the backs of my thighs, lifting me up to pull me closer to him. I wrapped my legs around his waist, able to feel his cock straining against his boxers through the thin cotton of my panties.

He leaned up again to drop his underwear before bringing his body to rest fully on top of mine. A shudder rippled through my body…we were really going to go through with it. Before I could think too much about it, he brought his mouth to my breasts, licking and sucking at each tip in turn.

His fingers traced down my body and found the sweet wet spot between my legs. I couldn't help but blush when I saw the smile that crossed his face as he realized just how much he excited me. I moaned in delight as his fingers softly traced back and forth over the thin soaked layer of fabric.

"Bella?" he panted, his breath hot in my ear.

His hands slid down my body until his fingers curled around the elastic band of my panties. His fingers paused as if he was waiting for something. He stared into my eyes for a few moments, and then kissed me again. Fire seemed to pass between us like it does through the dry brush of a summer forest.

"Bella?" he gasped. His body continued to grind into mine as he moaned my name again. "Bella…" I finally realized that he was asking permission, wanting to know if this was what I wanted.

Was it?

"Please, Jake," I begged him as I brought my hands back up his back and looked into his eyes. There was conflict in his eyes, but he sighed and I jumped at the sound of ripping fabric when he tore my panties away. The shock of it both startled and thrilled me. The knowledge that the last bit of what kept us apart was gone excited me even more.

He cradled my head, grabbing a fistful of my hair while the other cupped my hip. Suddenly nervous, I looked up into his brown eyes as he began to slide inside of me. Unable to help myself, I gasped in a moment of pain. His entire body tensed and I took a moment to adjust to him, digging my nails back into his shoulders. I groaned as he traced his lips softly across my forehead and over my cheeks as he gave me the time I needed. At my half-smile, he gently pushed himself deeper inside me. I gasped at the feeling of him filling me...but it was more than that—it was the feeling that he was completing me.

I took a deep breath and tried to relax for both of our sakes. I bit my lip as he began to work his hips against me very softly. He was trying so hard not to hurt me, and as my body adjusted I was able to raise my body up to meet his, urging him to go further. He glanced down at me to make sure I really ready for more and quickly obliged once he saw the pain was gone and the desire was back.

As his thrusts came faster and harder, my right hand gripped his hip while the other I laced in his hair. I smiled at him and moaned his name as we both seemed to flow together. Each thrust caused me to cry out with pleasure and brought the most joy I had ever felt.

"Jacob..." I panted. I grasped for any part of his body I could find and kissed his shoulders, his neck, his chest. I moaned as he drove into me harder and faster. "I don't care if you were with anyone else before. I think I need to thank them," I gasped. His laugh was muffled as he pressed his face into my shoulder.

I felt his body start to shake and I fleetingly wondered if he was about to phase before my own body seemed to be crashing in on itself. It was like nothing I had ever felt before, everything was all twisted together and I was afraid that I would be hopelessly tangled up and helpless for all time. I whimpered as the entire world exploded in a rush of waves and my body took on a mind of its own, completely and totally out of control. I bucked at Jacob as he moved frantically with me, crying out my name over and over.

His sweat-drenched body collapsed against mine as we both desperately tried to pull in the air around us. I relished in the closeness, I never ever wanted him to leave me.

"You're beautiful, Bella," he said, kissing me and bringing his dampened forehead to mine. I closed my eyes, euphoric. He pulled away from me and I thought the world would end. Without him inside me I felt empty, hollow. I needed him with me. I looked up at the ceiling contemplating my thoughts. I needed Jacob. No words were spoken as he wrapped his arms around me and we both fell asleep.

Some time in the night, the rain started. It hit against my window and the sound startled me out of my sleep. Disoriented, I looked around, wondering where I was. I thought I was supposed to be at Emily's…why was I here at my house? And why was I naked?

Scenes from the night before came flashing across my line of sight. Jake telling me that he wanted to have a hold on me, me pressing my lips to his, him standing above me, the feeling of his lips all over my body, the feel of him inside me. What had I done? I jumped up from my bed and looked down to see a very naked Jacob tangled in the sheets, sleeping soundly. Oh my God!

I had ruined everything!

Edward was never going to forgive me. Jake was never going to forgive me. I would never be able to forgive myself, for that matter. I had taken something from Edward that I knew he held very dear. I knew that he had wanted our first time to be together—after we had gotten married.

I turned to the window and looked out over the backyard. Would he even want to marry me now? I asked myself as I began to hyperventilate. What would I do if Edward didn't want me anymore? Even if he did still want me would I even be worthy of his love? Did I deserve him? The answer to these questions was a big resounding "No." Edward deserved someone who wasn't sleeping with another man. I tried unsuccessfully to catch my breath.

"Bells?" Jake murmured behind me. I turned at the sound of his voice. He had gotten out of bed and was standing closely behind me. How had I not heard him get up? His eyes stared into mine, seemingly all too aware of my internal struggle.

"Hey. I woke up when the rain started," I said lamely. He leaned down and kissed my shoulder.

"Well let's go back to bed. It was kind of a late night, don't you think?" I forced a smile. "That was a pathetic excuse for a smile, Bella. Seriously. Come to bed. Do I need to give you a piggyback ride over there?"

"Ha ha, piggy back. That's funny, because you're the big bad wolf," I said, with a forced laugh. I hoped he wouldn't see through it because I didn't want him to know how I felt just yet. I needed to buy some time to sort through my thoughts. I didn't even know how I felt yet.

"You're so dumb, Bells," he chuckled back and I laughed again, thinking the same thing myself. I looked around for something, anything to put on.

"What are you doing?" he asked, climbing on my bed without pulling the sheets over him. I turned my head. "Are you looking away?" he asked with a smile in his voice. "Bells, we don't really have anything to hide anymore." I pondered this and realized he had a point. I sighed and climbed in the bed with him. He pulled the sheet over top of us as I cuddled up against his chest. Edward's face was vivid in my mind and I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that it would disappear. He was never going to forgive me.

"I love you, Bella." Jake's hushed tone was like a scream in the silence of the night. Rather than saying anything back, I just snuggled closer to the heat of his body and fell asleep to the sound of his beating heart.

* * *

Thoughts?!


	8. Regrets

Sorry it's taken a little while to post on this. Real life sucks hard.

* * *

Chapter 8-Regrets are a bitch

Jacob

I woke up to the sun pouring in the window and brought my hand over my eyes to shade them. Two days of sunshine in a row in the Pacific Northwest was almost unheard of. It seemed the weather was just as content as I was, and I smiled as I looked down my chest to find Bella's chestnut hair spread across my skin as her body curled against mine. This was perfection.

She was still fast asleep, so I decided to just revel in this for a minute. I was glad that I had stopped what had started happening in the truck and talked her into coming here. Being together for the first time in the back of a truck would have been awkward. As I lay there, I thought back over the night before. It was awesome, even though the sex had started because she was pissed off at me. Even still, I was certain we both knew she belonged with me now. I mean, she had to get it finally; she had to know that she was much better off with me than with that nasty bloodsucker.

I carefully brushed the hair out of her face and she stirred slightly, turning on to her back. I watched her chest rise with each breath she took; my eyes transfixed to her every move. The rays of sun shone down on her naked skin, making it glow milky white like that of an angel. She rolled again and nuzzled her head into my chest to hide from the light of the sun before kissing her way out of her hiding spot.

"Good morning sunshine," she cooed in a groggy, raspy voice through a half yawn. I grinned down at her, laughing at her bed head. "What?" she asked, rubbing her eye.

"I'm afraid of being attacked by your hair," I said, brushing it down with my hand. She scowled and tried in vain to smooth it.

I laughed and kissed her forehead as she curled back into me, her hands tracing little spirals all over my chest. I don't think I could have been happier if I tried. We laid there unmoving for a while, not in the least bit concerned with anything other than how right this felt. I had waited so long for this very moment and there were no words to describe how great it was to be living this dream at last.

Her head lay on my chest over my heart and she sighed contently. "I love to listen to it," she half whispered. "I just love how it sounds." It was strange how she said it; it almost had a tinge of sorrowful undertones. I couldn't figure out what she was getting at.

Bella's delicate little hands slid up my chest and over my neck until she was cupping my jaw. Her thumb fell over my lips, playing with the fullness of my lower lip and her small hand stroked across my neck. She closed her eyes and smiled, biting her lips slightly. "I love how it feels too," she sighed. "I love how it sounds and how it feels, and I love that you're here with me."

I finally understood what she was doing...she was feeling my pulse. She was realizing that I had what Edward would never possess...a heart that would beat solely for her until my dying day. A smile spread over my face as I understood that Bella finally got it: Edward was wrong for her in so many ways.

I kissed the thumb she pressed against my lips, feeling the blood pulsing behind the skin at the tip. Her heartbeat was precious to me, especially because she had been so ready to lose it forever to be with the leech.

"My heart beats for you, Bella," I said to her.

A torn expression came across Bella's face. "I know, Jacob," she said, leaning up to kiss me. "I know," she repeated softly. She looked disjointed and out of it as the sunlight streamed in through the window and across our bodies.

A piercing howl echoed through the sky. Fuck, they had found me. I sighed. At least it had temporarily saved me from the conversation Bella and I needed to have eventually. I didn't like the look that had come over her face. She curled in closer to me as the pack calls filled the air. They were just on the edge of the woods.

"Do you have to go?" Bella breathed against my collarbone.

Did I have to go? I sighed again, weighing my choices and almost deciding to stay right there but then Sam's alpha howls pulled me to my feet. "Yes, I have to go," I said with a groan. Her face shone with the disappointment that matched what I felt.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I said, standing up to put my jeans on. She smiled at me distractedly as I pulled them up.

"Jake..." she started, and then hesitated. I was curious to hear what she was going to say, but this was not the time to get into anything-I had to go. I hoped that we would be able to discuss how she would break this to Cullen. In the mean time, I was happy with the way things were working out so far.

"Later," I promised. She nodded, then got out of bed and grabbed her robe so she could walk me out. We stopped at the front door.

"I shouldn't be gone for long," I said. "Maybe an hour. Then we'll go back to Emily's house, maybe go back to my house and see Charlie and Billy." She nodded. I leaned down to her. "Parting is such sweet sorrow," I whispered into her ear. She visibly shuddered and leaned against me. Shit, if she kept doing that I'd never leave. I kissed her mouth hard before I tore myself away and jumped down the steps, phasing on the fly. The second I did, the whole pack knew what had happened.

_Oh thank God, you finally did it,_ Paul said.

_Did what?_ Seth's voice asked.

_Nothing!_ Leah's voice rang out.

_Jake got lucky last night! Wolf boy can be wolf man now._

_Dude, I could hear you all the way over at __the border. __ You weren't hiding anything,_ Embry's voice rang out.

_Do they make muzzles big enough for you guys?_ I wondered. The rest of the pack laughed in my head.

_Enough you guys. Jacob, hurry. We have a lot to talk about__ today__._ Sam's voice was strong with a sense of urgency.

I raced as fast as I could to where the others were gathered. As I walked into the circle, most of my brothers looked at me with pride and laughter in their eyes, but Sam's face was grim.

_Oh boy._ I thought.

_Jake, so nice of you to join us,_ Sam said snidely. What made him so judgmental? It wasn't as if he had been so pure. Look what he had done to Leah.

_Jake..._ Leah's voice warned as I noticed the signs of Sam's temper flaring.

_Sam, cut him some slack. He saved Bella from eternal damnation. Or__,__ at least from engaging in necrophilia. _I shuddered at the thought._ We should give him a parade, not be pissed off at him._

_Wow, Paul. You're defending me?_ Everyone seemed as stunned as I was as all of our eyes slid to his.

_What?_ he asked. _I'm just sayin'._

_Anyway..._ Sam said. _We need to be back on the lookout._

What the hell could be the threat now? The leeches were with their own kind off in Italy. Suddenly I wished I hadn't left Bella. Even the Cullens watching her would be better than no one.

_Are they not all gone?_ Brady asked with wide eyes full of wonderment; he was shocked there could be so many more threats out there. This was still all new to him.

_Sam and I just came across a faint scent,_ Jared thought. We could all see the scene playing over in his head.

_The strange thing is that it's very faint. It's almost __as if__ it's an old trail, but we haven't picked up the scent before. It doesn't make much sense, but I just want you all to be on your guard,_ Sam said, a sigh on his mind.

I suddenly felt extremely nervous for Bella. No one attracted monsters more than my girl did.

_Yeah, you should probably go to her,_ Paul thought. Everyone nodded, except for Seth. He was gazing at me with anger in his eyes.

_What is your problem, bro?_

_Nothing._ Whatever, I wasn't gonna play games. No matter what I did, I couldn't please everyone. Ugh. I turned and ran back towards Bella's with the morning air rippling through my fur.

I stumbled onto my feet as I phased, not feeling the rocks under my feet as I shimmied into my jeans, stepped out of the woods and hopped up the stairs two at a time. I knocked on the door, waiting for Bella to come. I stood there a few moments and knocked again. Finally fed up with waiting, I let myself in.

"Honey, I'm home," I called with a laugh. She must not have heard me knock. I hoped she was in the shower, because I sure could use one.

I thundered up the stairs, a little disappointed that she hadn't come out to meet me. Maybe she had just fallen back asleep. I softly pushed open the door, where I found Bella completely dressed and sitting on the bed, staring out the window.

She looked so strange, so concerned. What was wrong with her? Wasn't she as happy as I was? I worried about this, but I tried to play it cool.

"Hey Bells, what's going on?" I asked, grinning down at her and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

She said nothing, just sat up and looked at me. I hopped up onto the bed so I could sit behind her and wrap my arms around her body. I knew she had a lot on her mind, so I didn't speak. She grasped at my arms around her as if someone was going to wrench her away without a moment's notice.

I knew that the thought of Edward's reaction was bothering her. She worried that he wouldn't let her go, but I knew he would. Hadn't he said that he would let her go if it would make her happy?

"Bella, honey, this is all gonna work out. It's gonna be okay. Edward will get over it. Sure, he'll be upset, but he will understand that this is what's best for you. I'm what is best for you. Your life is too valuable to just toss it away," I whispered reassuringly into her ear and her eyes closed in response.

"He's not going to like it, but he loves you enough to respect your wishes. He loves you as much as one of them could," I said, choosing my words carefully. I didn't want to berate Cullen because I knew how Bella felt for him. The last thing she wanted to hear was me tossing out words like 'leech'.

Her eyes shot open and she started to pull away from me. My stomach turned as I recognized the expression on her face because I knew this look far too well. It was the classic Bella Swan "Jacob-I-love-you-but-" face. I hated this face.

When was it going to be Edward's turn to get this face?

"No, Bella. Bella," I stammered, my mind working faster than my mouth. I knew I couldn't handle hearing it right now.

"Jacob..."

"No. Please Bella! You can't say those words right now. You just can't," I gasped for breath, fighting to get the words out as they tripped over one another. I moved from behind her and knelt in front of her at the foot of the bed so I could look into her eyes.

"It's not fair. After last night, it isn't fair and it isn't right," I tried to reason with her. She just stared at me with those deep brown eyes and her expression told me all I needed to know.

"Why not? Why can't you be with me?" I shouted before she could even say the words that I had heard so many times before. Her voice echoed in my head, _"I love you, but I can't be with you...I'm marrying Edward..."_ I knew her line already. I took in a sharp breath and leaned towards her as I harshly spat, "Don't you tell me that it's because you are marrying Edward-not after last night. You don't get to say that to me today, Bella."

I sighed as I stood up and thrust my hands into my hair, tugging at it in frustration. I was shaking, but not because I was going to phase...it was because I felt like she was pulling out my heart. I wasn't really mad, but I was more than sad...I was heartbroken. She just continued to look at me with her depthless eyes, all thoughts masked.

"But I am..." she whispered.

"Don't say that! Can you please just...not say that," I said in a shaky voice. I couldn't breathe. "You know it's wrong..." I was pleading with her now, but the hard face she wore wouldn't change no matter what I said. I bit my lip, trying to hold in what I knew not to say, but in the end, it slipped out anyway.

"Hell, you know once he finds out about what we've done he won't even want you anymore." I knew I shouldn't have said that, but it just came out. I couldn't stop it.

The look on her face went from hard to shocked, to sad, and then to furious all in the course of about two seconds. She stood up from the bed, her hand whipped up and slapped across my face. Even though it didn't hurt, I took it more symbolically than anything else. Believe me, I was getting the message loud and clear.

"You did this all on purpose, you planned it! All of it," she cried, tears falling down her face. I couldn't allow myself to feel bad over her tears. "You're evil, you're horrible, and you've ruined everything!" she screamed at me, and then started ripping the blankets off the bed that we had just shared. When they were all on the floor, she stood there on top of them, panting and gasping for air. I wanted to hold her in my arms, but my pride just wouldn't let me do it. She stood there and cried. Her tears hurt almost as much as her accusations.

"You did it all on purpose so he wouldn't want me," she whimpered, rubbing the heels of her palms against her eyes.

I knew she was upset, but really, how much more of her hurtful words could I handle? How much did I have to go through to be with Bella? How many times would she threaten to break me?

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" she shrieked, the tears suddenly gone. "You did this all on purpose! It's all your fault!" She shoved me and since I was unsuspecting, I stumbled, tripping over her discarded sneaker from the night before and landing on the hardwood floor. I felt my insides contort with rage as I looked up at her angry face. The woman that I loved was screaming at me for loving her, screaming at me because I let her lead and let her make the decisions. Un-fucking-believable. She stared back at me like I was the dirt under her feet and I felt the anger boil up inside me and heaved myself off the floor.

"I did it on purpose? Me?" My arms flew up in the air as I started pacing in front of her. "Me, Bella? Me?" I said with a cynical laugh. My face twisted in a sour expression. "Not me, Bella. If you are looking for someone to blame, don't look at me. Look at yourself," I hissed at her. "Look to the one who made the moves."

She stood there, her chest heaving in anger, so I went on. "I let you take the lead, I waited, I asked you!" I said, my voice getting louder and louder before yelling, "Didn't I?"

I took a deep breath and started pacing the floor in an attempt to calm myself down. "I know I did, so if you're looking for someone to blame then you need to look no further than the mirror to find the puppet master, Bella." I turned away from her, pacing to calm my nerves. When I felt calmer, I spoke again.

"I merely wanted to be yours in any way that you wanted me, Bella." I turned around to face her, looking into her broken expression. "I love you, Bella. I love you enough to do what you want me to do. If you want me to take the fault, then fine, but the only fault I've ever had is to love you as much as I do. Fuck, that's my fault."

I walked up to where she stood and took her hand, bringing it up to my neck where she had it earlier. "See, Bella, my heart beats. My heart beats for you and only you whereas your bloodsucker's heart doesn't even move a bit. My heart will beat for you until the day that it beats its last. So yes, Bella, it's my fault for being in love with you." I didn't know what else to say as I watched the flood of emotions flowing through her eyes. When she didn't say anything, I began to get nervous.

"Bella? Are you all right?" Finally breaking from her stupor, she dropped her hand from my skin. Her hand gone, I realized that I missed her warmth against me.

"All right? All right?" she shrieked shrilly. "No, Jacob, I am not all right. I can't do this anymore. I can't be near you. I have to stay in La Push because it's where Edward and Sam want me to be, supposedly to keep me safe. But I don't have to like it. And neither do you. Stay away from me, Jacob Black." With that, she turned and stalked out of her bedroom and thundered down the stairs. I heard her truck fire up and then head down the road and still I stood there in her bedroom alone with my thoughts and regrets.

Chapter End Notes:

Thanks for sticking with me so far! I've got the next chapter mostly done, so I will be posting soon. In the meantime, I posted a new possible mulit-chapter...depending on the feedback I get. It's called Missed Opportunities and you can find it on my profile.


	9. Hate is a Passion Too

Wow, I actually posted a chapter? I did. I've been working hard on this one and I think that it is my favorite chapter in this whole story.

Big hugs to my beta and my validation betas. Without them, this story wouldn't be up.

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Chapter 9-Hate is a passion too.

Bella

The day was taking forever. In all honesty, the four days before it had taken forever as well. Not only did I not have Edward, but I also didn't have Jacob.

I sighed. Jacob was right when he said the entire situation was my fault. I was the one who made the moves on him. I wanted him then…and if I was being completely honest with myself, I wanted him now. I sighed again as I looked over at the desk in Newton's back room. Even doing the bi-annual inventory at work didn't distract me. Holing up in that room was torture. It constantly reminded me of the fiery kisses I had shared with Jake.

"How many green North Face backpacks are there, Bella?" Mike asked, blushing when he noticed me staring at the desk. I guess he remembered what he saw in those moments with Jacob too. I fleetingly wondered if there was some possible way that I could be sure to keep Mike Newton away from Edward for the rest of his life. I was pretty sure neither one of them would complain very much.

"Five," I said, expelling a breath from my chest again. I smiled weakly at him, thinking of possible ways to keep Mike miles away from Edward…because unlike mine, Mike's brain was very transparent, and I'm sure the mental pictures were much worse in his head than they had been in real life. Fortunately, I knew we were moving to New Hampshire after the change, so I didn't have to hide him for much longer.

I shuddered involuntarily at the thought of the change, and then froze at my own reaction. What was wrong with me? I'd spent a week away from Edward and already I was reconsidering major decisions? My thoughts went back to the blissful night Jake and I had shared and the feel of his heart on my cheek. When he put my hand up to his neck, I was surprised. It was so strange to feel the pounding against his neck…something I had never felt and would never feel with Edward.

_"See, Bella, my heart beats. The reason my blood courses through my veins is for you and only you. Your bloodsucker's heart doesn't. My heart will beat for you until the day it beats its last. That's my fault for being in love with you,"_ his voice echoed in my head, and I trembled with unshed tears, remembering the tormented look in his eyes as he held my hand to his neck.

"Are you cold, Bella?" Mike asked as he stood up to pull his hooded sweatshirt over his head and draped it over my shoulders, rubbing my arms. Note to self: no more trembling.

"You're so sweet, Mike. Thanks. I've got my sweatshirt right here though," I said, removing his hoodie and pulling my own over my head. I wasn't cold, but I needed an excuse for the shakes. He shrugged his shoulders and pulled the sweatshirt back over his head before going back to the inventory list.

"How many red Ryder packs?" he asked, looking at the clipboard.

"Seven. Blue Stream is five," I grumbled, then half-smiled when he looked over at me. "How do we always get stuck doing the inventory every time? We end up being here half the night."

"At least you get paid double time, Swan. My parents tell me that I'm lucky I get paid at all," he laughed, tossing a sleeping bag at me that managed to hit me in the elbow. "Hey, what time is it?"

"Ten o'clock," I said, consulting my watch.

"Hey, the Flying Wedge is still open. Want to split a pizza?" I closed my eyes at my memory of two nights before. The pack had come to Emily's house for pizza and a movie. I thought Jake would come, and we'd make up…I even put on make-up so I'd look good. I was severely disappointed Jake listened so well when I told him to stay away from me. I had retreated to the guest room after the first half hour. I couldn't deal with the angry glares from Paul and Seth. The glares from Seth in particular had surprised me. He was my closest wolf friend besides Jake. That is, if Jake even was my best friend any more.

"Bella?" Mike asked, sounding concerned.

"Yeah, Mike, that'll be fine. I'm sorry. I'm just really tired," I said, sounding pathetic, even to my own ears. He laughed and grinned lecherously at me.

"I bet that Black kid is keeping you up all night, now that Cullen isn't around," he said. I startled, and then I remembered I had told him Edward and the Cullens had gone to Italy that first day. Wow, when did Mike get so forward? Jessica must be rubbing off on him with this newfound boldness?

"No, that's not it. I haven't really seen Jake since he got grabby," I half-fibbed, knowing that he wasn't the only one to get grabby. Still, I could make this work to my favor in case Mike did see Edward before we left. "I know he didn't mean for it to happen, he's just a hormone-crazed kid. I don't know what to tell Edward yet. I mean, I don't want him and his brothers to get all crazy on Jacob." I tried to laugh it off.

Mike laughed too, even though I couldn't figure out why he'd think it was funny. "So is the wedding still on, then?"

This question left me stunned. It wasn't the question itself, but the fact that I had a hard time answering it. More images of Jacob flashed across my mind. _"Don't you tell me that it's because you are marrying Edward. Not after last night. You don't get to say that to me today, Bella…"_ He wanted so badly for it to be different this time. As hard as it was to admit, a big part of me had wanted it to be different this time too.

"Yeah, still on. Pretty sure," I said with a laugh. "I doubt that Edward would blame Jacob for wanting to kiss me. Like I said, he's a hormone-crazed boy." I was really laying it on thick, and Mike was lapping it up. I hoped that since we were talking about it now, he would never bring it up again. Maybe, he could even downplay it without even knowing.

"Yeah, I know how that is," Mike mumbled, and then went over to the phone to order the pizza.

Inventory seemed to take forever, but we finally locked the door behind us at three in the morning after we had accounted for the last flashlight. Thank God, that night was over. Another night of missing Jake had gone by. Work had failed to distract me from thoughts of Jake's warm hands against my skin, his lips on mine, the taste of root beer on my tongue, and the smell of sunflowers in the air…

I never thought four days without Jacob would be so painful. I had been apart from him longer before, but I literally felt like I was missing half of myself without him, which was a strange feeling. I looked up at my truck and my heart leapt at the tall figure I saw there, leaning against my truck. As I got closer though, I saw it was Seth there to get me safely back to La Push, not Jacob. I bit back an exasperated huff. I needed to see Jake.

"Bella!" he called out, happy to see me.

"Hey, Seth," I said, forcing a grin. "How long have you been here?"

"About an hour or so?"

"Oh, Seth! I'm sorry. You didn't have to wait out here." He shrugged and took my backpack and leftover pizza.

"Night, Bella," Mike called, shaking his head when he saw yet another guy had joined my fan club. I smiled, thanking God that wasn't a fact. The 'We Love Bella Swan' fan club was plenty big already.

"Good night, Mike," I said. "Thanks for dinner. Have a great weekend." I waved as he stepped into his car and drove off. I walked to the driver's side of the truck as Seth hopped into the passenger seat. I shook my head at how hyper he was. We drove slowly to La Push, making small talk until we reached the limits of the reservation. He then turned to me with an unexpectedly serious look on his face.

"Bella, I have to ask you something," he started. I glanced over at him, worried.

"What's up, Seth?" I asked

"Why did you hook up with Jake?" I forgot I was driving and stared slack-jawed at him until thought came back and I focused on the road again. He hurriedly added, "I know I shouldn't ask. It's just…Edward. He's a really good guy. So is Jake. But you chose Edward when he came back. You went back to get him. I know that it's hard to choose…but don't you think what you did was unfair?" He moved uncomfortably in his seat and I had the sudden urge to punch him in the face. I resented his waiting for me tonight. I resented him even more for pointing this out to me and forcing me to think about it. This was not something I wanted to talk about, with him of all people.

"You're right. You shouldn't ask," I said tersely. I took a deep breath and tried to realize that he only has his friends' best interest at heart. "Sorry, Seth. I don't know. I…I couldn't help it. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. But sometimes life isn't right, nor fair. And some things are just none of your business."

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said, turning away and peering out the window. "I love Jacob, he is my brother. But I really like Edward too, even though it goes against everything I am. He's a great guy. I just don't know…you're right, it's none of my business." Damn straight it was none of his business. I wished he had kept his freaking mouth shut.

We drove in silence, each contemplating our own thoughts as we drove into the reservation. He was surprised when I pulled into his driveway instead of continuing to Emily's place. My truck's headlights illuminated Leah as she sat on the porch steps. She glared at me and I tried to force a smile, even though I was pretty sure she couldn't see me. I looked over at Seth as I put the truck in park. He lowered his head.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Please forgive me," he said. How could I stay mad at him?

"It's okay, Seth. Just…please…don't bring it up again. I'm trying to work through it," I said with a weak smile.

"Good luck with that," he said, glancing sympathetically at me. I nodded and put the truck in reverse, the engine roaring in the night. I got to the end of their winding driveway and stopped. Which way should I go? Taking a left would take me to where my head said I should be. Taking a right would lead me where my heart wanted to be. To Emily's house or the Blacks' house?

It was as if I became possessed and was having an out of body experience. The bumps and dips were familiar as my thoughts forced my body into auto pilot until I found myself pulling up to the Blacks' house. It was where I needed to be. I killed the engine, knowing that Jacob heard me come up the driveway. Heck, I bet the neighbors knew I was here too, with the deafening sounds my engine emitted.

I forced out what were supposed to be calming breaths as I grabbed my backpack and the leftover pizza. I convinced myself that I couldn't not bring him leftovers from his favorite pizza parlor, that if I brought the man cold pizza, he'd forgive me in an instant. I was weak, I knew. I laughed at my pathetic life. At least I brought some root beer too. I wanted to show Jacob that I could be his friend too. Even after all this, we could still be friends…right? Why was I so nervous about it? It wasn't as if it was our first fight.

I pushed the door open and let my feet land in the gravel below. I listened to the sound of crushing pebbles with every step. I stopped in front of the door and tried to calm my beating heart. I raised my hand to knock, but I couldn't seem to make my arm work. _It's just a door knock, Bella. Knock on the damn door_, I tried to give myself a pep talk. Instead of doing as I instructed, I turned and let my body slide against the door until my bottom hit the damp wooden planks of the deck.

I pulled out the fancy new phone Edward had given me, and pulled up Jake's home number. Wow, I was so mature. Was I really going to call him when I was sitting outside? I fingered the button. What would I say to him?

"I miss you," I said quietly to myself. "That's what I'll tell him." The door abruptly flew open and I fell back over the threshold to Jake's feet in my surprise. I looked up to meet Jake's eyes. He held out his hand and pulled me up without a word.

At least I assumed it was Jake. This Jake wasn't right. His eyes were haunted, his skin was sallow, and there was no warm glow around him. He looked at me, then turned and went into the house, leaving the door open to me. I grabbed my backpack and the pizza.

"I'm glad you're here. I miss you too," he whispered. I stepped up to him, my heart pounding in my chest. Who was this man in front of me?

"Oh, Jake…" I started, reaching up to touch his cheek. He took a step back so I wouldn't touch him. Suddenly I recognized the look on his face.

Jacob had the same look as the one I had seen in the mirror all those months Edward had been gone.

"I'm so sorry, Jacob. So, so sorry. Can you forgive me?" He sighed. The lack of warmth in his face was making me feel physically ill. He turned away from me and walked to the windows, looking out into the night. I watched him, looking for emotions to cross his face, but there were none. He muttered something unintelligible before leaning against the wall, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes and finally coming to a crash on the floor. I was horrified. What had I done?

"Jake, Jake…I'm so sorry…" I said, rushing over to him and wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders. He stiffened and feebly attempted to shrug me off of him, but I gripped him tightly. "Jake…what is the matter with you?" I whispered.

"Without the sun I wilt?" he retorted with a half laugh. I traced my finger across his cheek. What was I thinking? Being with him raised so many questions and emotions in my head.

I was like air, food, and water to Edward, because like all these things, he didn't need me. I was the same thing to Jacob, something that he needed. Without me, he would wither away and die. What was I saying? Edward didn't need me? Of course he needed me. Hadn't he proven that? He had been nothing but loving towards me.

Or had he? He had left me broken. Who put me back together and kept me that way? Jacob. Jake wasn't like Edward. Edward was like a dandelion. He would grow and flourish anywhere and everywhere, in the sun or not. Jake, on the other hand, was truly like a sunflower. He would always look to me as his sun, as his life source. Without it, he would wither away. Would Edward? Edward didn't even want me forever. He was only willing to change me because he had to, because the Volturi told him that it was non-negotiable.

How could I do to Jacob what Edward had done to me? What did it say about me?

I looked down at him in my arms, and felt my heart breaking. How could I do this? Before anything else, Jake was my best friend. I wanted to take away his pain and do what was right. I tightened my grip on him and nuzzled my head against him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, my lips brushing against his ear. His head whipped up and he yanked himself out of my grasp easily, even though I had been holding onto him with all my might. He slid across the hardwood floor, staring at me like I was a stranger. We stared at each other for a moment, not moving, not saying a word. I slowly crawled across the floor until my face was inches from his.

I took his hands and started to speak when he leaned in, pressed his forehead against mine, and stared into my eyes. His left hand ran up my arm then pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. I stared into his dark eyes as he cupped my face. He brought his lips to my skin, they were hot against my jaw. He pulled my body against his, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. His breath was heavy on my neck as we sat there.

I took a deep breath and bit my lip as I wrapped my arms around his hard body. I couldn't do this. I was going to be the bad guy again. I was going to kiss him and let him love me, and I was going to love him. I would be the cruel Bella that had made Seth look down on me.

Fair or not, Jake was right for me, and I was right for him.

I kissed his lips once. "I'm sorry," I panted, then kissed him again. He tore his lips from mine.

"Don't be sorry, Bella. Your apologies don't mean anything anymore. You'll be sorry again tomorrow, I'm sure. Don't be sorry. Just for once, be responsible for your actions. Be fair to both of us," he said roughly, holding me tight as he stood up, pulling us off the floor. I was shocked by his cold words, but ecstatically happy that he still held me tight in his arms.

I heard the door snap shut as my back pressed against it and Jake fumbled with the locks to click them into place. As I ran my tongue along his collarbone, he gasped and stumbled across the room, falling onto the overstuffed couch.

"Jake, I can't promise…" I started.

"No promises," he said, dragging his tongue against my neck and tugging my hair out of the ponytail holder. My body arched against him. "Your promises mean nothing to me. It has been hell staying away from you, Bella. I've been going out of my fucking mind. I never dreamed being away from you would be so terrible," he growled as his hand crept under my shirt, finding the stiff peak of my nipple waiting for him. I whimpered against his lips.

"I've been so miserable," I moaned against him as my hands worked their way up his bare back. I knotted my hands in his short black hair, pulling him to me, crushing his lips against mine and kissing him with hunger. "Please forgive me," I pleaded with him. I ground my body against his, feeling his arousal underneath my own.

_If I'm going to Hell, I might as well do it thoroughly,_ my mind thought. I immediately cursed myself for letting my mind flit to Edward's words, but they were true. If I was going to do this, I might as well enjoy every moment. I dug my nails into Jake's shoulders, breathing in his musky scent while fighting the urge to continue to apologize to him. I knew he didn't want to hear my apologies.

I stood up and pulled my t-shirt over my head, all inhibitions were gone. I reached my arms back, flicked the clasp of my bra open, and let it fall to the floor. I relished in Jake's hungry gaze running over me. I knelt down in front of him and unbuttoned his jeans, carefully pulling down the zipper. He growled deep in his chest and pushed me gently to the floor, kissing his way up from my waistline to my neck.

His right hand crept down my body as his mouth worked magic against mine. His mouth followed his fingers and he slowly started inching my pants down. I flicked them off once they were to my ankles, kicking them to places unknown. He took me up in his arms and deposited me on the big recliner before bringing his body down on top of mine.

"God, Bella, the things you do to me," he groaned against my lips. I locked my legs around his waist, feeling his nakedness against my thin cotton panties. I held him as close to me as possible, burying my face against his skin. His fingers laced in my hair and pulled my head back, again crushing his lips to mine. I clung to him, never wanting to stop kissing him. He pulled his lips away from me, and inched them down my body.

His teeth grazed slightly against my nipples, making me gasp in surprise and pleasure. His touches were perfection. He knelt to the ground in front of the chair, his mouth left my breasts in favor of my stomach. His kisses dipped lower until they were along my panty line. He growled again as he got closer to my wetness. I knew that the scent of my arousal always seemed to send him into a fit of beautiful insanity. I could feel his breath on the cotton as he sat there for a moment, hands on my hips. His eyes met mine as he pulled down my panties.

He didn't ask, but I did not stop him as he worked my panties from my legs. I felt his lips caress my thighs as he kissed his way up my legs. His warm breath tickled me more the closer he got to my center. I was trembling before his mouth even touched me. I felt like I was on fire, and I wondered if this might be too much to take.

My body jumped as his hot tongue dove into me. I gasped and squirmed slightly until he put his hands on my hips to hold them in place. As his tongue moved inside me, he moaned and the vibrations rocked through my body. Confident that I wouldn't squirm away, he brought his right hand to my clit as his tongue danced against me. My legs wove around his shoulders, keeping him against me as one of my hands dove into my hair and the other gripped the arm of the chair for support.

"Jake…" I managed, my body beginning to shake uncontrollably. My body was on the edge, and just before I thought I was dying from need, the bubble burst and I cried his name. Instead of stopping his assault on my clit, he kept going. I writhed in pleasure, gasping for breath as he brought me over the edge again. I was crying for him, tears coursing down my cheeks because of my need for him.

"I could get used to you screaming my name like that, Bella," he said with a wicked grin. His hot breath against me did wonders for me, and I wanted more. He willingly obliged me. _Mm. Screaming his name. I like screaming his name…_my thoughts trailed off. I started to hyperventilate. I was screaming his name. Where was Billy? Jake didn't seem to notice my internal struggle, but then again, I had been panting for some time now. I tried desperately to squirm out of his hold on me while he tried desperately to keep practicing his already perfect skill.

"Jake. Jacob…" I panted, trying to sit up.

"Yes, Bella?" he asked, kissing the insides of my thighs. I quivered with need. I wanted him more than I ever thought possible. But where was everyone?

"Where is Billy?" I squeaked. "And Rachel?" He laughed, but I saw nothing funny about this. "Jacob!"

"Bells, remember? He and Charlie went down to that town outside Olympia for the weekend. Fishing trip." Ah, yes, I remembered. I lay back against the recliner again. He laughed. "As you wish." I moaned his name again as I felt him licking every juice my body offered him. My head was spinning. I could hear music, and it sounded oddly like The Police. Funny, I wouldn't have thought that Sting would have been the go to guy for sex music...

"Every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, I'll be watching you…" I looked down next to me and saw my phone lighting up and vibrating where it had landed after falling out of my pocket. I looked at the clock and saw it was almost five in the morning. Why would Edward be calling me at this hour? Before I knew it, my hand acted on its own and reached down to pick up and turn on the phone.

Jacob growled fiercely against me. I felt his body quake. This was not a playful and lust-filled growl like the previous ones. I grabbed a hold of his hair and tried to yank him back, but he was having none of that. A shiver came over me as I said hello and Jacob started sucking on my clit again. My body jumped. What was he doing? I squirmed under him, and he held me still. Oh, no, this was a bad idea. A very bad idea indeed.

"Bella, my love. I've missed you so much," I heard Edward's velvety voice ring over the line. Jacob's fingers dove into me and I scowled at him while trying to hold in a moan. His eyes shot daggers back at me.

"Edward!" I exclaimed at the tail end of my gasp. "You startled me. I didn't expect you to be home so early." Yanking on Jake seemed useless. He just seemed to revel in the pain. I wanted to whimper in bliss but I couldn't. Jake was surely going to kill me.

"I'm sorry to call you so early, love. I just couldn't wait until you were up. We're back. We just got into Forks. Come home, love. I can't wait to see you." As he said those words, Jake's fingers probed more deeply into me while his tongue flicked my clit.

"Ah…that's so awesome," I moaned, partly to Edward, but mostly to Jake.

"Bella?" Edward asked.

"I…ah…can't wait to see you," I said, my breath coming in short gasps. "I'll get everything together and be there as soon as I can." Jacob was not playing nice.

"I'll meet you in your room. I love you," he said, his voice sinfully sweet and melodic. I tried with all my might to pull Jake away. His skills were amazing, but this wasn't the time. I couldn't have Edward and Jake colliding like this. They should have never collided like this. He probed his fingers inside me, and I had to bite the pillowed armrest to not scream in pleasure. I realized Edward was still on the phone and I quickly tried to come up with something to say.

"I love you too. I'll see you in a bit." I pressed the end button and dropped the phone. I looked down at Jake still buried inside me. I was so angry with him, but so aroused at the same time. I was about to speak when the hand that had been tormenting me was slapped over my mouth before I could say anything.

I was too shocked for words, and I didn't know how to react to this. He sucked and slicked his tongue on my clit, nipping it softly until I came once more, screeching his name, muffled behind his hand. I lay in a blubbering heap half on and half off the recliner as he pulled himself away from me.

"Yeah, you're real fucking sorry, Bella," he hissed, pain and hate washing over his face. I looked at him and wanted to get mad. Part of me felt I had the right to get mad. But I couldn't. I lay there, trying to catch my breath with him scowling at me. "You better get home before your precious Edward does. I'm sure you want to shower my stench off so you don't offend your cold, dead leech."

I bit back all the things I wanted to say. I wanted to scream at him, to be mad for what he did and what he had said. On the other hand, I wanted to take him in my arms, beg for his forgiveness, stay the night, and forget that Edward Cullen even existed. As I looked into Jacob's hardened face, I realized this was not something I could do; no matter how much I wanted it. I sat up, grabbed my panties and jeans, and hurriedly put them on in silence.

"That's right, Bella, you'd better hurry before the filthy bloodsucker catches you feeling alive for once," he snarled. I had never seen Jake like this before, and in all honesty, I was nervous and more than a little scared. Unfortunately, my shirt and bra were proving to be hard to find.

"Jake…" I whispered.

"No, Bella." He wouldn't even let me say anything.

Finally, I found my bra underneath the end table. The tension in there was so thick I could barely move. My shirt was under the coffee table and as I pulled it over my head, I turned to look at him. His body was as scary as his tone. His veins were bulging and his jaw was clenched so tightly it looked like he was in real physical pain.

"Jacob," I started again.

"You know what? I don't want to hear it, Bella. Go run along to death, and see what he brings you. See what loving him gets you. I can't, I won't stand by while you let your heart turn to stone," he ranted, pacing nude around the small living room. He was suddenly in front of me, sticking his hand under my shirt. With a hard and angry expression over his face, his warm hand came to rest against my chest, feeling my heartbeat.

"I can feel it, but I'm beginning to think that he's infected it with his cold, icy ways," he hissed, bringing his fingers up to my hair and tugging it back so I could look at him. "Should I start mourning you now, Bella? Already too far gone, I think," he sighed, letting me go. He stepped away, not looking at me. "You're already fucking gone."

I hadn't noticed that he had backed me up to the door until he reached around me and undid the locks. I took a shaky breath.

"I'm not gone, not yet, Jacob," I said. This was killing me. I felt my heart splintering at my own words. Instead of looking at him, I slipped out the door like a coward and let it close in my wake. I ran to my truck, repeating to myself over and over, _Don't look back, don't look back_. I knew if I looked back, I would give into my need and run back to him, and swear never to let him go. I couldn't do that, could I?

I gripped the wheel as the engine roared to live, then spun out of the driveway. As I passed the Clearwaters' driveway, I wondered if I had made the wrong decision in going to Jake's house. Had I gone the wrong way? Had I made a mistake? I wanted to cry, but I couldn't let myself fall apart yet. I drove as fast as the truck would allow me to get back to Forks, cursing my life. I cursed Jacob for the way he made me feel, I cursed Edward for coming back, and I cursed myself for being stupid enough to fall in love with two men.

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Okay, so Edward is back. what's going to happen? Your guess is as good as mine right now. I've got about one more week until classes are over for the summer break.

Heart in a headlock is up for the best Jacob/Bella story at the 2010 silent tear awards. Will you vote for me? http:// silent-tear-awards (dot) webs (dot) com/nominees (dot) htm I have a couple really good friends up for awards as well, Behind the Clouds by echoesoftwilight, Dark Games and Twisted Minds by katinki, Hold On by todream, and Never Saw That Coming by LJSummers. check them out.

Big hugs to tjb for all your help this chapter. I'm lucky to have you.


	10. SelfDoubt and Excuses

Thanks so much for the reviews already! I appreciate each and every one of my readers...I appreciate you all so much more when you review!

Big hugs to Megan for being...Megan. Also snuggles to Lee, aka leelator. I adore you, sweet pea. Thanks so much for everything you do.

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"Stupid, stupid Bella," I spat out loud. How had I been stupid enough to fall madly in love with two men? The tears that had threatened to spill at Jacob's finally got the better of me and I had to pull over when I was blinded by them. I started hyperventilating and had to remind myself to breathe. My mind replayed over and over again the look on Jacob's hardened face and the horrible words he had said to me, and I covered my eyes with my hands, willing the visions to stop.

Were those the same emotions running through his mind when I said such things to him? All those times when I told him I couldn't be with him, were these horrible feelings of self-depreciation and hate what he felt toward me? How could he even still want to talk to me if this was how he felt? My stomach turned over on itself. I felt horrible; it was as if he had given up on us…if there ever was an "us." Why did this have to hurt so much? Why did I have to care? I knew I shouldn't care, but how could I not? This was Jacob, my best friend, my…I didn't know what else to call him. I sighed; that in itself was the problem.

"I won't stand by while you let your heart turn to stone. Should I start mourning you now, Bella? You're already gone." His words spun around and around in my head.

"I'm not gone, not yet, Jacob," my own words echoed in my mind. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was already gone. I sighed. I had left him, I had made the decision to leave. And yet here I sat on the side of the road, on the way to my faithful and loving fiancée, crying and wishing I could be back with Jake.

"What's wrong with me?" I hissed aloud. Apparently all this time with mythical creatures was rubbing off on me. I had started talking to myself and actually expecting an answer. Seriously. Maybe I needed some professional help.

"Go run along to death, and see what he brings you." Jacob's voice was getting louder in my head. I moved my hands to my ears wishing his voice would just go away. While I loved listening to the sound of it, I couldn't handle the words he had said.

Was Edward death? I suppose he was, at least on some level. I mean, I had to die to be with Edward. Even though I knew that, I couldn't help the feelings of terror that came over me when I thought about it. My body started to shake, and I took a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself. It wasn't like that, I told myself. It wasn't as bad as that. While it was true that I had to die, it seemed like a small sacrifice. I would die, but for that momentary death I got forever with the man I love.

Still, I had to die and that fact couldn't be ignored. Not like it had been up to that point. I couldn't ignore it when Jacob's voice screamed it over and over again in my head. Chills ran down my spine, how was it that I was just realizing how important this was? This little fact only hit me right now? The fact that I had to die…stop breathing, stop…being.

Jake had put his hot-skinned hand against the sweat-dampened valley between my breasts and felt my heartbeat. Even though I knew he was alarmingly angry, I couldn't help but think about how extremely sensual that moment was. I should have shied away from his touch, but I couldn't, not even after I knew Edward was home.

I took several deep, shaky breaths in hopes of calming myself down and stopping the tears. Edward was waiting for me at my house and I was still anxious to see him. Because despite everything I had been tangled in this week with Jacob, I still missed and loved Edward. He was everything to me. I knew this, or at least I had known this.

Why did I suddenly doubt everything? I sighed as I racked my brain for reasons before it finally it hit me. This was normal, I mean, doesn't every woman doubt their choice before they get married? There had to be a reason it was called cold feet. Any commitment triggers this…let alone an everlasting one.

But that still didn't explain why I couldn't resist my best friend. I could not believe I had slept with him. I mean, who has sex with their best friend when their boyfriend is out of town? Not girls like me; I didn't even have the excuse of being drunk. Well, maybe I had been drunk. It seemed like every time I was around him, I got drunk on the mere presence of Jacob.

I shook my head. No, that wasn't an excuse. Not a good one anyway. Why was I doing this to myself, to Jacob, to Edward? The best excuse I could come up with was that I am a fickle girl, forever breaking the hearts of the men around me. I wished I could just make a decision. Edward or Jacob. Jacob or Edward.

Thinking of Jacob was not going to make me want to head to Forks. Thinking of Jacob was going to make me turn around and beg for him to take me away from here, away from this awful place, to hold me in his warm arms and never let me go. Yes. That was exactly what I wanted. I needed Jacob, right now.

The tires squealed as I put the truck into drive and pulled a u-turn to head back to Jacob. Then I stopped in the middle of the deserted road. I felt my heart pounding in my chest and I closed my eyes. I groaned.

Fickle, fickle, fickle Bella. "Edward," I murmured, and the mere mention of his name brought his beautiful face to my mind. I heaved a final breath, opened my eyes, and turned the truck around once more before I slammed my foot on the gas pedal, leaving La Push and a part of my heart behind.

My spirits lifted the closer I got to my house. It was like the pull Edward had over me was already in effect. I had to admit I welcomed it right then. I needed that pull to tip the scales in Edward's favor so I would not lose my mind. Without Edward's pull, I would lose it and everything I had thought I wanted up until that point in time, due to the hold Jake seemed to have on me. Freaking mythical creatures screwing with my life. Damn it.

I pulled up into my customary parking spot and as I silenced the engine with a twist of my key, my door swung open and I was pulled out of my seat, finding myself enveloped in Edward's cold arms. I had almost forgotten how fast he could be in the short time he had been gone.

I sighed in relief and smiled against his chest as I leaned into his arms, reveling in the familiar embrace. I seemed to still fit perfectly in my old place, regardless of what I had done. This put me at ease. I snuggled against his chest, breathing in the scent of him. Being with Edward was like an ice pack on a bruise…he numbed the pain of leaving Jacob. As I lifted my eyes to meet his, the details of that terrible night became fuzzy in my mind.

"Hello, love," he said, pressing his lips to my forehead. I clung to him, tears prickling the backs of my eyes, though unlike my time sitting in the truck, these were tears of happiness. "I've missed you." He brought his lips down to mine and kissed me slowly, gently. His taste lingered on my lips, reminding me just how intoxicating this man could be. I was breathless and stunned by what he could do to me just by kissing me.

"I missed you more," I said in a half whisper.

"Right," he smirked.

A chill went through me as waves of guilt crashed around inside my head. Could Edward know what had happened? I took in his calm, blissful expression and the crooked smile that had spread across his face. No, his wasn't the face of a man who knew the love of his life had slept with her best friend. He started to move away, but I grasped his hands, not wanting to let him go. I wanted to have just a little more time with him like this before I broke his heart.

"Relax, love. I just wanted to get your bags," he said. Confusion and worry flashed across his perfect features.

I hurried to explain my strange reaction. "I didn't bring them. I…wasn't thinking. I'll go back to Emily's tomorrow to get them," making the lie up on the spot as I looked into his eyes and held my breath. He always said what a terrible liar I was. Would he believe me? He simply nodded, closed the car door, and led me into the house and up the stairs into my bedroom.

I plopped onto the mattress, trying to forget what Jacob and I had done on these sheets. Hoping to hide the blush that was inevitably taking over my face, I glanced at the clock. Was it really almost six in the morning? I had no idea what time Edward had called me, but between the time I spent arguing with Jacob and then arguing with myself in the car, I wondered how much time had passed. Had Edward waited long? I couldn't be sure, but he didn't seem to be upset, so maybe it hadn't been as long as I thought it was.

I sighed as the exhaustion began to set in. The last time I had pulled an all-nighter like this I had gone to Volterra with Alice to bring Edward back after the whole cliff-diving incident. Was it simply a coincidence that Volterra and the Volturi were somehow involved in the fact that I was up this late again? Edward sat down next to me, wrapping his hard arms around me and pressing kisses to my face. As he nuzzled me, I noticed the tell-tale scrunching of his face. Ah yes, Edward thought I smelled because I had been in La Push.

"You had to know that I would pick up the scent of them while I was there," I said, with a half laugh at his confused expression. "I know that look." He grinned. "What, did you think I had learned one of your tricks while you were away? That your crazy mental abilities were beginning to rub off on me?" He snorted, and I couldn't help but laugh. This moment was wonderful, being with Edward was a piece of Heaven on Earth.

"I don't mean to offend you love, but you do sort of smell. Did you do anything besides spend your time with Jacob? His scent is all over you. I mean, I can still smell you…but there is something else there. Something that has never been there before," he said, sounding slightly put off and frustrated. What was he talking about?

I felt the urge again to tell him what had happened, but the feeling of being with Edward when he was light hearted stopped me. "Don't worry. I'll go shower." I hurried to reassure him as I stood up. A look of relief came over his features as he stood up with me, taking my robe from the hook behind my door. I grabbed an older pair of pajamas, cursing myself for leaving my bags at Emily's. It meant I didn't have my good pajamas or my new favorite blackberry body wash. The smell of it brought back naughty images in my head of Jacob and I naked, with me finger painting my name over and over again on the russet skin of his chest. Shaking that image out of my head, I turned and opened the door, tiptoeing towards the bathroom. I heard Edward's silky voice as he chuckled behind me.

"Relax Bella. You know that Charlie isn't here. It is only the two of us. You don't have to sneak." My heart dropped to my stomach. Sneaking. That's what I was doing. I was a sneak. Hearing him say the word pulled me out of my happy bliss and reminded me of Jacob in a completely non-sexual way. What was Jake doing right now? Was he hurting? Was he thinking of me?

"Bella?" Edward's concerned voice brought me out of my reverie. I shook my head and forced a smile_. I should tell him. I should tell him right now what happened._

"I'll just be a minute," I said instead, closing the door so I could stop tormenting myself with seeing his perfect face. I started the water as I quickly discarded the very clothes that Jacob had stripped me of earlier. I brought my shirt up to my face and inhaled, smelling the faint scent of Jake, sweat and sex. Oh. Oh dear God, no. The sweet, musky scent of sex must have been the scent Edward couldn't recognize. I could hardly hold in my groan. This was not pleasant. I wondered what he might be thinking right now. I wondered if he was searching in my room, if he could still smell anything from the night I had brought Jacob back to my house with me so I could let him love me.

With this thought in my mind, I checked the temperature of the water and quickly grabbed a washcloth and Charlie's bar of soap, cursing myself again for not having my own soap and shampoo. Pert Plus it is, I thought to myself. As I began to wash my body, I began to remember the feeling of Jake's hands running over my skin, causing my blood to heat. I shook my head, and then turned the faucet to allow more cold water out. A cold shower wouldn't remind me of Jacob. After I washed, rinsed and repeated twice, I stepped out of the shower and dried off before stepping into my sweatpants and tee shirt. My favorite silky pajamas, a present from Alice, were in my backpack…which was at Jake's.

"Crap," I whispered to myself. I was going to have to go back there and get my bag. Dammit. I looked at my reflection in the steamy mirror as I brushed my hair. I wanted to turn away, to not look myself in the eye, but I forced myself. I was going to hell. I was going to hell for what I was doing to these two men, and for what I was doing to myself. I hung my towel on the back of the door and stepped out, padding down the cool wood of the hallway. I took a deep breath before going in my room, where I found Edward laying on my bed with his arms behind his head, staring at the ceiling. I felt a smile spread across my face as I bounced across the room and onto the bed.

"I changed the sheets," he said, pulling my body close to his. "I don't know why, they just really smelled. I hope that's okay." I nodded silently as I leaned into him, resting my head on his stone chest. I felt his cool fingers run through my damp hair and I closed my eyes, letting his aroma permeate my senses. I was happy to be in his arms again, but even still, I couldn't help but imagine someone else's arms around me. Trying to push the wolf out of my thoughts, I wrapped my arm around Edward's waist. His body went rigid, but he didn't pull away from my closeness.

"I'm so happy you're home," I whispered. His ran his hand over my jaw and cupped my cheek.

"You have no idea," he scoffed. "It was hell without you." I didn't say anything in return because I was suddenly too focused on his chest. I was almost willing Edward's heart to beat; I wanted to be reassured by it. "Bella? What's the matter?"

"Oh!" I said, erasing the grimace from my face. "Nothing. I missed you too, Edward."

I forced a smile and shimmied up his body so I could lower my lips to his. I was surprised when he allowed me to deepen the kiss. I moaned, and I swore I heard a growl emit from Edward's throat. I had to admit I liked that sound. It was raw and lustful, but as always, restrained; just like him.

He pulled me on top of him and I stared down at him in shock from his sudden movements. His arms snaked around my middle and he sat up to kiss my open mouth. Forgetting all the rules Edward had in place for my safety, I pressed my body to his and kissed him harder. He broke it off, but he did not stop. Instead, he was kissing my neck, my shoulders. My head was spinning as he brought his lips back to mine and I intertwined my fingers into his hair.

"Edward, please…" I whispered against his lips. He froze as if he finally realized what he was doing. He kissed me once more, and then gently pulled me off of him, tucking me against his side.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. I do know one thing though. I won't leave you again. It was torture and now that I'm back, I feel so much better knowing you're all right." I was confused.

"Why wouldn't I be all right?" I was genuinely curious.

"You are a bit of a danger magnet, love," he said with a grin. "But I guess I should be thankful. I mean, if you weren't such a danger magnet, you wouldn't have such a need for having me around." I made a face at his first statement that soon melted to a smile as he went on. I grinned at him and he kissed my head.

"Why did you have to stay in Volterra so long?" I asked as I nuzzled into him. "And why did the rest of the family have to go too?"

"Ah, no real reason." He rolled his eyes at the impatient expression on my face and went on, "Aro wanted to see Carlisle, and meet the family. They've already met you, and were afraid of any…erm…mistakes." His crooked grin lit up his face and his eyes went out of focus while he bit his lower lip breathing in the scent of my hair.

Ah, mistakes, like being the meal for the likes of Jane and Demetri. No, thank you. For the first time since he left, I was glad I had been left behind. Well, if I was being honest with myself, it wasn't the first time I was glad I had been left behind. However, it was the first time the reason didn't involve wanting to sex it up with my best friend. I was trying hard to block those times out of my head but it seemed as if I was failing miserably.

Edward laughed and then changed the subject. "How was La Push?"

My body went rigid. _I should tell him. Just get it over with, like ripping off a band-aid._ "Not bad, not good. Fought a bit with Paul. Sort of dull, I guess."

"Did you spend much time with Jacob? Did you set him straight about him kissing you, and how I'm not giving up without a fight?"

"Uh…" Crap. What was I supposed to say? _Tell him_, my mind screamed. "We didn't really talk about it. I only saw him a couple times. I worked a lot." _Liar._

Edward nodded with a half smile and started to open his mouth to say something. Okay, it was time for a distraction so we could get away from the topic at hand.

"I do wish I could have come with you. I missed you," I said, bringing my thigh around his midsection. _Yep, I'm so going to hell. Instead of telling him that I slept with someone else, I'm trying to entice him._

"Bella," he warned. I sighed. Apparently the passion from earlier was gone.

"Sorry," I muttered, letting my leg fall back down.

"I wish I could give you what you want. I told you that I'll try, but only after we're married, because that's who I am. I want to give you everything you've ever wanted and let you experience everything. I don't want you to miss out on anything at all."

_Tell him that you took it upon yourself to ensure that you wouldn't miss out on anything_.

His voice reminded me I really was running out time. I felt my heart rate quicken and my breathing become shallow.

"Bella? Love, are you all right?"

The words I had heard earlier in my mind screamed at me again. Die. I was going to die. I was never again going to see my mother or father. But the worst was knowing Jake would never want to see me again. I'd never feel another of his bone crushing hugs, I'd never hear him call me Bells, I'd never kiss him again…

I started gasping for air and Edward became alarmed. "Bella!" he said loudly, taking my shoulders and giving me the smallest of shakes. I forced myself to calm down. Taking a deep breath, I forced a smile.

"I'm fine. It's just…I'm worried that if we don't make love, that you won't want to be with me, that you'll change your mind," I improvised, but cursed myself to hell for making something like that up. His embrace softened as he pulled the blanket up and around me so I wouldn't get chilled by his body. I felt him hesitate, and then he stroked my cheek and looked into my eyes.

"I love you Bella. I love you for who you are, not what your body can do for me. I made the promise to you that I won't ever go away again, that I will give you every moment of my existence," he said softly. His face was firm, he was so sure. I wished I could be as sure as he was.

"I just missed you so much," I murmured. This was true.

"I know, that's why I won't ever leave again," he promised. He almost seemed to be promising something more but I didn't fully understand through the fog that was taking over my mind. I glanced at the clock; it was seven-thirty in the morning.

"I've been up for twenty four hours," I said. "I worked a sixteen hour shift yesterday with Mike." He chuckled.

"Well after a day full of Mike, I'd say you deserve to sleep. I'm here, Bella. I'm not going anywhere," he said. I yawned. He began to hum my lullaby. As I drifted into the darkness, lulled by his melodic voice my head reminded me that I belonged to Edward. My heart though? I knew that my heart used to only belong to Edward, but I wasn't so sure that it did anymore. It suddenly felt as if my mind had my heart in a headlock, and I didn't know which side would win.

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Let me know what you think! Make sure to follow me if you're on twitter! I'm beckiey8.


	11. Taking My Man Card

I'm sorry that I have been so fail on updating this story. I've been so intent on finishing up my other story (once upon a moon) that I sort of forgot that I had another story that I was writing. My bad.

chapter 12 is already with my awesome beta megan. and if you read my other story anger management, that chapter is with ysar for betaing.

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Chapter 11-Jacob-Taking My Man-Card

It had been two days, three hours, and eighteen minutes since I had last seen Bella. And I was going crazy. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I could only think of the last words I had said to her and the look on her face. Her crestfallen expression told me she thought I had given up on her. I knew that I should give up on her. My father told me to just move on, to find someone who would treat me the way I should be treated, someone who wasn't damaged.

Bella definitely was damaged. I also wondered if she was a little touched in the head. I mean, how smart could she be if she was in love with a freaking vampire? The fact that I was a werewolf had nothing to do with this. I wouldn't kill her. She didn't have to die to be with me.

When it came down to it, was there any comparison?

She obviously thought so. If she really loved me, she would have turned around instead of stepping across the threshold of my front door. If she really loved me, she would have ignored the ringing of that fancy phone the leech had bought her. If she really loved me, she would have called or stopped over by now. I sighed and flopped down on my bed. The only thing that kept me going was knowing if she didn't love me, she wouldn't have slept with me. If she didn't love me, she wouldn't have come back with the pizza and soda, trying to get me to forgive her. If she didn't love me, she wouldn't have looked so heartbroken when she left.

Love had me turning into an out of control and hormonal teenaged girl.

I was almost too afraid to show my face to my brothers the morning after, but I had to. As I expected, they were upset that the Cullens were back, but there was more than indignation in their expressions. Even worse, there was pity. I was Jacob Black: King of All That is Fail. I couldn't even get the love of my life to love me back. I was an embarrassment to the species of man and I was surprised my brothers hadn't come to my house to yank my man-card with all the moping I was doing.

Fuck my life.

I rolled over and my eyes drifted to Bella's blue backpack in the corner of my room. I thought she would have come back for it by now. Sam said she had gone to Emily's and picked up her other stuff. Did she forget it was here? I kind of doubted that. I knew she was avoiding me. But was she avoiding me because she didn't want to see me or because she was afraid of her reaction to seeing me?

Girls make absolutely no sense at all.

I heard the howl reverberate throughout the woods, and I stood up in response. Morning meeting time. I shook my head, trying to clear Bella out of it so I wouldn't piss off my brothers. Unfortunately, I knew this wouldn't help, and they'd see everything I was going through. The rising anger of Sam and Jared I could deal with, but the pity of Embry and Paul grated on me. I didn't need it. She'd come back…she had to.

Not bothering with pants, I stepped out of my house and phased on the fly, running into the woods toward our usual meeting spot. I ignored the thoughts of my brothers and Leah, focusing instead on how fast I could run. Once there though, I had to pay attention to them…well, sort of. I let my mind wander instead of pay attention. I thought about the upcoming school year (yuck), pancakes (yum), and the gossip over Sue Clearwater dating Charlie Swan. Unfortunately, the thought of Charlie brought on the thoughts of Bella. Bella's long brown hair tangled around my fingers, the moans that slipped past her lips when my mouth was on her, what it felt like to be inside her…

_"Jacob!"_ Sam said, jerking me out of my thoughts.

_"Ugh, sorry guys," _I said, a little embarrassed. Quil and Seth shook their heads at me.

"_Right. So, as I was saying, I've devised a plan. We need to remind Edward again that biting Bella is still against the treaty. If he bites her, whether he turns her into a vampire or kills her, we have to fight them." _The thought of Bella with red eyes flashed in front of me, her warm skin suddenly cold and hard under my fingers. Then I imagined her lying broken and unmoving on the ground, the blood of her life gone, sucked away. I felt the bile rise in my throat.

_"I've gotta go…" _I said, stumbling away from the meeting and trying desperately hard not to throw up. I ran away from them and phased back as fast as I could, running to my home, not caring about my nudity or who might see me. I needed to get these images out of my head. Fuck. What was I going to do?

_"Jacob!"_ I heard behind me. Damn it. I considered running faster, but there was no point. He'd know I was heading home, and he'd just follow me there too.

"Paul, I'd kind of like to be alone," I hinted as I turned around. He walked around in front of me and tossed me a spare pair of sweatpants. I nodded and stepped into them.

"Sorry, bro. Orders from Sam. I'm supposed to tell you that it's your job to warn Bella and Edward about the treaty."

"Again? Didn't I have to do this when they came back from Italy?" He got that pitying look I hated. I was ready to smash it off his face.

"Yeah, but Sam really thinks that you're the only one that Cullen will listen to, because he knows that you love Bella too. 'Cept of course, that could also be a downside too, because he could think that you're just trying to keep her human for yourself. Which is what you should do."

"Paul, can you just keep your opinions to yourself?" I asked, feeling resigned. I couldn't believe I was going to have to go through this again. I think Sam just liked proving he was the Alpha, and that I didn't have the cohunes to take over.

"No." Wait. What? I glanced over at him. He glared at me. "I'm fucking done with this, Jacob. You need to get over yourself, and do something about this whole damn screwed up situation. Go to her. Tell her how you feel. Tell her that she needs to stop stringing you along, because it is obvious that she wants you too. Grow some fucking balls and get your girl back. Because she is yours. She isn't his. She might have been, but she isn't anymore. We can all see that." I was silent for a minute while I mulled over his words in my head.

"If she isn't his, why is she with him and not me?" I finally asked.

"Because you are a tool," he said, grinning at me. I flipped my middle finger at him.

"And you are turning into a little bitch."

"Maybe. But I'm not so much of a woman that I can't tell you to stop being a whiny little douchebag. You need to see her. See if you can catch her without Cullen first. Might as well kill two birds with one stone. You can piss her off two ways…reminding her about the treaty and then telling her that she needs to deal with the consequences and repercussions of her actions."

"Big words for a little man," I said. He barked a laugh, then punched my shoulder.

"Go on. Good luck, Jacob," he said. "You need to do this. Either you suck it up and get over it, or you fight for her. If you think she's worth it, then fight, and fight hard."

"Thanks," I said, and I yanked the pants off, tying them to my ankle, and phasing. I ran toward Forks, hoping to find Bella alone. I sniffed out Cullen's trail from when he left Bella's house, and continued on before phasing back and hopping up to Bella's window. I peeked in and saw her lying in bed, her brown hair fanning out around her face. I swung into her room, landing quietly on the balls of my feet. God, did it reek in here or what? I glanced back at Bella—what was she still doing asleep? I checked the clock…nine thirty in the morning. Apparently it wasn't too early, she must not have the morning shift at the store today. I knelt down beside her bed and looked down at her sleeping form. My chest hurt from wanting her so badly. I wanted to touch her skin, wanted to brush my lips across hers.

"Jacob…" she breathed. Did she know I was there? Her eyes were still closed. "Jacob, please don't leave me…"

"Bella," I whispered.

"Jacob, I love you. I miss you…" her voice trailed off. I brushed my lips against her forehead and she stirred. I stared down at her, willing her to wake up and say these things to me. She sighed, and opened her beautiful brown eyes.

"Jacob?"

"Hey, Bells," I replied.

"Jacob," she breathed, holding her arms out to me. I paused, and then allowed her to embrace me. She yanked on me, and I realized she wanted me to climb in bed with her. I could deal with eau de bloodsucker if I had Bella in my arms. I willingly obliged. "Jacob, my Jacob," she sighed.

"Bella, my Bella." I laughed back. She was awake, right? I had seen her eyes open, but I couldn't see them anymore. Had she fallen back asleep? According to my calculations and the rise and fall of her chest, she had. Damn. I lay there with her holding me in her arms, feeling her skin warm against mine, breathing in her expelled breath. How long would I have this? The thought made me sit straight up.

"Jake?" Bella asked, opening her eyes again and sitting up as well. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you," I said. To help keep little Jakey on his best behavior, I stood up, putting as much space between me, her, and the bed as possible.

"Jake, I know, I'm sorry, I should have called, but things have just been crazy, but…" she started, running her hand through her hair. It was obvious that she wasn't going to say the same things as she had in her dreams, so I shook my head sharply and interrupted her.

"It isn't about that. Bella, Sam sent me here," I said, looking at her. Her expression changed from guilty to confused.

"But why?" she asked.

"Bella, you know how the wolf and vamp thing goes. The treaty states that the whole deal is null and void if the Cullens bite a human…not just kill." At the word bite, Bella's face twisted in fear and she started to hyperventilate. "Bells?" I asked, rushing to her. "What is wrong with you?"

"It's nothing," she panted, trying to catch her breath.

"It's not nothing. Come here," I said, taking her into my arms. She relaxed against me and her breathing slowed. "What the hell was that?"

"I…had a head rush," she said, shifting her eyes. Did she really think I would buy that? She looked up at me, noticed my expression, and sighed. "I've been thinking. I'm not sure that I…you know what? Forget it," she said, stuttering over the words. She stood up on her bed and tripped over my legs trying to get over me. I stood up as well, trying not to notice the legs sticking out of her shorts, or her creamy shoulder peeking out from her loose tee shirt.

"I'm not going to forget it," I said. "What is going on with you, Bella?"

"Nothing! Leave me alone, Jacob. I don't want to talk about it."

"Sure, sure. Fine. Don't talk to me, leaving me in the dark is what you do best anyway," I spat, turning around.

"Jacob! You were the one who came here. You were the one who climbed in bed with me. You know that I'm with Edward. That I'm marrying him," she said, holding up the third finger on her left hand to display a ring that hadn't been there before. I stepped up to her and took her hand to examine it.

"This ring is too fancy for you. Too intricate. Too big. It's the kind of ring Edward would pick for you. He tries to make you into things you aren't, Bella. The perfect ring for you is small, classic, beautiful. Which is what you are. This isn't you, Bella. It never will be. And if you think it is, you're kidding yourself," I said. She pulled her hand out of my grasp.

"Screw you, Jacob. I can be whoever I want to be. And I know who I am. You don't need to tell me. I'm me. I'm Bella. And I want to be the right Bella. The Bella who isn't in love with her best friend. The Bella who knows for a fact that she is going to marry the love of her life. I need to find that Bella again. That Bella would wear whatever ring her fiancee gives her."

"That Bella isn't the real Bella," I said.

"You know what, Jake? I know what your problem is. It makes you burn to know I'm with another man," she spat. This was true. It did. I didn't know how much she was with him, but even the thought of him kissing her, much less making love to her, made me want to blow Cheerio chunks. Still, I forced a smirk on my face and looked down into her chocolate brown eyes.

"I wonder if he's half the lover that I am," I retorted. Her cheeks reddened and my smirk deepened. "I'm guessing that you wonder the same thing."

"I…ugh! He says he can't yet. It isn't safe for me. What the hell. I did it with you, and I was fine, right?" She was more than fine, but my mind couldn't wrap around the fact that it was me, not Edward, who had been Bella's first. "Jake?"

"You were amazing," I choked out. She looked at me strangely.

"Anyway, yeah. So yes, I wonder the same thing. Does that make you happy?" she asked sourly, turning away from me.

"Yes," I said truthfully. Her frown deepened as she walked to her closet and started pulling out some clothes.

"So is that all you came here for, to warn me and the Cullens about not breaking the treaty? Did you do anything useful, like remember to bring my backpack?" Crap. It was still sitting where it had been when I moped over it earlier that morning. I half smiled at her and shrugged my shoulders. She huffed in exasperation.

"I'll get it back to you later," I promised. She nodded.

"I've got to go and get in the shower," she said, grabbing her clothes. The image of Bella naked and washing her body was almost too much for little Jakey. I gritted my teeth. _Baseball…fixing the Rabbit…Leah naked…ugh._ Okay. Jakey was calm once more.

"What are you doing today? Wanna come to La Push with me?" I asked, wracking my brain to think of things to keep her with me.

"I'm off, so Esme invited me over to their house. Everyone else is off hunting, but she stayed behind with Carlisle," she said, disappointed. My spirit lifted a bit…it sounded as if she actually wanted to spend time with me as much as I did with her.

"Ah. Well, have fun with that. Make sure that they remember what I told you," I warned. Her mouth set into a firm line and she crossed her arms across her chest.

"I will," she said. "You should go now, Jacob."

"You're right, I should." I walked to the window, then stopped and turned around to find her looking at me. "I miss you every day, Bells," I said, gazing into her eyes.

"I miss you too, Jacob," she whispered, more to herself than to me. I nodded, then jumped down from the window and jogged across the yard. It wasn't much, but it was enough for now.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

I'm not making any promisees for updates on this story. I love writing but nursing school comes first. you can follow me on twitter (beckiey8) and see what I'm working on and find general oddness :)


	12. Admissions

YAY! Another chapter! I've finished writing my other story, now I'm focusing on finishing this so I can then focus on Anger Management. I'm guessing there are going to be about 20 chapters or so of this story, give or take. There's only so much I can really do with it :)

* * *

Chapter 12-Bella-Admissions

I woke up to the feel of a warm mouth on my right breast, kissing and teasing the peak of my nipple while an equally warm hand fondled the left so it wouldn't feel left out. My eyelids flew open and my surprised eyes focused on Jacob's, filled with lust.

"Jacob, what are you…"

"Shut up, Bella," he commanded. I shut up, a little indignant over his tone, but unwilling to have him stop. He brought his mouth to the other breast and moved his right hand down my stomach and to the top of my pajama pants, hesitating only briefly before pulling them down. His fingers found the wetness between my legs, and I gasped as he put his fingers inside me. I grabbed his hair, yanking him to my face so I could kiss him hungrily. He tore himself away from me, bringing his mouth to my mound. I moaned as his tongue danced over my clit and the slick folds.

I pushed him away from me, and then knelt in front of him, wanting to reciprocate. I pulled at the button of his jeans, bringing the fly down gently then pushing them down. He was rock hard and waiting for me. I brought my mouth around it, flicking the tip of the head with my tongue. A groan emitted from his mouth, and he tangled his hand in my hair as I brought my mouth down around him, tickling and teasing him with the movements of my tongue.

"Oh, God, Bella…" His pleasure only excited me more, and I sucked at him harder, faster. He pulled himself away from me and I was briefly disappointed before he was laying me back down on the bed, positioning himself over me. "Do you want this?" he asked me, bringing the tip of his cock to my entrance.

"Yes," I panted.

"Are you sure? If you want this, you want me. Always."

"Yes, yes, I do." I didn't care about anything else other than having him inside me. "I do…I want you."

"Wake up, Bella," Edward's silky voice came over my subconscious. Edward? Jake's features disappeared as I opened my eyes to see Edward's flawless face. He smiled my favorite crooked smile and I fought to clear my head. I sat up quickly, my eyes darting across the room. Where was Jacob?

A dream. It was just a dream. I thought I'd be relieved, but I was strangely disappointed.

"Bella?" Edward asked me, concern in his voice.

"Bad dream," I explained. He nodded and I stretched, trying to limber up my tired muscles and then attempted to tame my tangled brown tresses into submission with a hair tie I kept on the nightstand. Edward looked at me, and then pointedly looked away. I looked down, wondering what was wrong.

My body was covered in a blush, warmed by the dream and the memories of Jacob's hands on me. My nipples were poking through my shirt as if they were begging to be released and toyed with. I felt my face flame with humiliation. Whoops. I stood up, hoping to save the both of us from further embarrassment.

"You're back. How was your hunting trip? What time is it?" I asked, stepping to my dresser so I could pull some clothes out. He laughed.

"I am back. The trip was fine. And to answer your final question, it is nearly eleven in the morning. I didn't think that you'd want to spend your entire day off in bed. Alice is hoping to see you at some point."

"Wow, I guess I was exhausted from that shift last night." That and I had tossed and turned all night long thinking about Jacob's face from two days before. I missed him. I missed everything about him. "I want to see Alice too. I guess that if I'm going to see her, I should make a point to wear something nicer than jeans and a tee shirt." He frowned at me as I made my way to my closet.

"You're beautiful no matter what you wear, Bella." I smiled over at him as I dug through my clothes, finally pulling out a sundress. He stepped out while I got dressed, and then came back in to help me dig through my closet for a pair of ballet flats. I looked at myself in the mirror on the back of my door.

"Lovely," Edward breathed behind me. I turned to face him. He stroked my cheek and I stood on tiptoes to bring my mouth to his. As his cold lips touched mine, I reminded myself 'not Jacob, not Jacob.' No, Edward wasn't Jacob. Did I want him to be? I had to figure out the answer to that question, and I needed to figure it out soon. I grabbed a cardigan out of the closet then led Edward out of my bedroom and down the stairs, leaving my Jacob fantasies behind me.

***

We had been at the Cullens' house for a couple of hours. Esme had stuffed me full with some sort of quiche and yummy pastries, not to mention freshly squeezed lemonade. I had chatted with Alice, gotten stomped in Halo 3 by Emmett, and played a game of chess with Jasper. I was sitting on the couch with Edward, watching TV as he stroked my arm when Rosalie stepped in the room.

"I was thinking about going for a walk. Bella, do you want to come with me?" Ever since we had our talk the night I had been kidnapped by Alice, we had reached an understanding. I was still surprised, I hadn't really talked to her since they had returned, and it wasn't as if she had ever gone out of her way to be nice to me. Maybe this was the first time? Was she extending the olive branch?

"Uh…yeah. That would be fun," I said, kissing Edward's cheek.

"Want me to come with you?" he asked me.

"Nah, I'd like to spend some time with Rosalie." I stood up and followed Rosalie out of the house, walking out of the backyard, into the meadow. We talked about my recent graduation, the plans for the wedding, and plans for this fall. After about a half hour or so of walking, we sat down on a boulder so I could take a break.

"How was Italy?" I asked her, looking up at the rare sunlight. Rosalie sighed.

"Bella, what did Edward tell you about Italy?"

"Um, he told me that Aro wanted to see the family, and that he wanted to talk about my transformation…why? Is there something that Edward isn't telling me?" She laughed mirthlessly.

"Bella, the reason we all had to go to Italy is because Aro wants you. He wants you and Edward. He said that if Edward wants to change you, it must be done in Italy by another, better trained vampire where it can be supervised, and where you can be properly trained to use your abilities. Apparently, he thinks there is something special up there that we haven't even been able to figure out yet, since neither he nor Edward can get into your head." I tried to process her words.

"Wait. So I have to be changed by someone else other than Edward?"

"That's the idea. They are afraid that Edward wouldn't be able to…stop." Her voice was hesitant, as if she was afraid of scaring me. I started laughing uncontrollably. "Bella?" she asked, concerned. I continued to laugh.

"I made the deal to marry Edward only if it was him to change me. That's what he wanted. I figured that way we'd both get what we wanted. But now he gets what he wants, and I don't get what I want? Doesn't that just figure?" I heard a puff of laughter come from Rosalie's lips.

"That is a bit unfair," she agreed.

"Such is my freaking life. Damn it, Rosalie. Edward didn't tell me any of this. Why wouldn't he tell me?"

"I don't know, Bella. But really, what does this change? You were going to let Carlisle change you." She was right. But I could trust Carlisle; I knew that Carlisle would be able to stop. How could I be sure that whoever would be my creator would stop? That they wouldn't kill me when they tasted my blood? I stood up.

"It changes everything, Rose. Everything." I started marching back the way we had come, with Rosalie following closely behind me.

"What are you going to say?" she asked.

"I don't know," I admitted. I was so angry that all I could see was red. Lie by omission. Son of a bitch. I was going to kill him. Rosalie was silent beside me, grabbing me when I began to fall after tripping over random pieces of air. I couldn't focus on walking.

"Oh for God's sake," Rosalie cursed, then grabbed me and placed me on her back and took off running. She stopped as we were coming up on the bridge. Edward stood on the other side, looking furious.

"Thanks, Rosalie. I mean it." She grimaced, and then followed me across the bridge.

"Yes, thanks so much, Rosalie. You utterly self-absorbed waste of space," Edward snarled. Rosalie stood to her full height and hissed at him.

"You should have told her yourself. I didn't know you hadn't. That isn't my fault. Stop making yourself out to be the martyr and grow some fucking balls, Edward." With that, she ran toward the house, leaving Edward looking at me while I quivered in anger, not unlike the way Jacob would shake whenever he was upset.

"Bella…" he started. I stalked off, making my way to the house. He hurried behind me. "Bella, where are you going?"

"To the house. So I can get Jasper to take me home."

"You want Jasper to take you home?" His voice was surprised. I whipped my head around to glare at him.

"Yes. I want to be far away from you. You lied to me, Edward. Again. Sure, you didn't tell me, but you lied by omission. I can't believe you. How can you expect me to be your wife if you don't tell me things?" As we walked up to the house, Jasper was standing outside the garage with keys in his hand. I nodded at him and he got in Emmett's Jeep and started it up. I turned to Edward. "I am beyond angry with you. I need time to calm down so I can talk to you about this. I want you to stay here. I will call you when I'm ready to talk. I promise. But I need your promise to let me be."

He nodded silently. I nodded back, then turned away from him and got into the Jeep. Jasper was quiet as usual on the drive to my house. That is exactly why I wanted him to drive me. At least he knew when I wasn't in the mood for idle chit-chat. As he pulled into the driveway, I unbuckled.

"Bella?" he said, putting his hand over mine to stop me.

"Yeah?"

"Be easy on him. He loves you a lot. He goes a little crazy when it comes to you."

"He needs to calm the hell down when it comes to me. Thanks for the ride, Jasper. I appreciate it."

"Sure thing, Bella. See you later." I opened the door and climbed out, then watched him back out and pull away. I sighed. I knew Edward was just being overprotective. But I hated it when he treated me like a child. I wanted to be treated like an equal, to be in a relationship where he could talk to me about things that were not all rainbows and unicorns.

Not really wanting to go inside on such a beautiful day, I decided to take a walk in the woods behind the house of Swan. I lost myself in my thoughts, trying to figure out what to do. This was a major snag in the plans of changing into a vampire. And if I wasn't going to be a vampire yet, did that mean I still had to marry Edward right now? I mean, I could wait; I didn't have to tell Charlie and Renee. I could have more time. I could go to college.

I could have Jake.

Whoa, where did that come from? I shouldn't be thinking about things like that. No. This was about Edward. I didn't need to be thinking about…

"Bells?" I heard a surprised voice and I whipped around to see the object of my thoughts standing behind me. He was dressed in only a pair of cut off sweatpants, and was holding something behind him.

"Jacob. What are you doing here?" I asked, just as startled as he was. He was staring at me as if he had never seen me before. "Jacob?"

"Oh." He shook his head as if he was trying to clear it. I tried to hide my smile. "I brought your backpack. You were asking for it when I saw you last time." He stepped up and handed it to me. As our hands brushed, I felt an electric current run through my hand and up my arm, making my entire body sizzle.

"Thanks, Jake."

"It isn't really safe out here in the woods, Bella. Want me to walk back to your house with you?" I nodded, and without a word turned back down the path toward my house. I brooded over my thoughts, and finally broke through the dense greenery, landing me back into my backyard.

"What were you doing out there, Bella?" I looked around helplessly, trying to figure out if I wanted to tell Jacob what had just happened. He was bound to freak out, but I was freaking out too. I needed to get this off my chest. I sighed and set my backpack down, then sat against the house. "Bells?" He sat down next to me as I gathered my thoughts. Though we weren't even touching, I could feel the magnetic pull that his body had over mine.

"I'm scared, Jacob. I'm really, really freaked out. I just talked to Rosalie about their trip to Italy. And Edward lied to me. He didn't tell me about the new stipulations about me becoming a vampire." Jacob growled under his breath. I chose to ignore it and continued. "My part of the deal was that I wanted him to change me. I wanted his venom to be what changed me. To tie me to him that much more. That's the whole reason I told him that I would marry him. That and I wanted to have sex with him. But that's kind of taken a backseat now that I already…well, that doesn't matter. This is major, Jacob. The Volturi said that if I'm going to be changed, it needs to be done in Italy by someone in their Guard. They want Edward and me there for my time as a newborn vampire. And I don't want that. They won't care what I want though. That's not how they work."

Jacob was silent. I waited to find out what he would say, but as time passed, I grew more and more nervous. He was shaking slightly, as if he was desperately trying to control his anger. I rested my hand on top of his. He stood up and paced in front of me, before putting his hands against the house and leaning his head down as if he was trying to catch his breath. I stood up and got behind him, hoping that I would be able to say what I needed to and not make this any worse.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore, Jake. I don't know if this is what I even want anymore. A week ago, I left you at your house, thinking that I had made the right decision. Do you know that I pulled over not a mile from your house? I sat there for I don't know how long, talking myself out of turning around and going back. When I am with you, you are the only thing that I want. When I'm with Edward, he is. But you are beginning to encroach on my thoughts even when I'm with him."

He slowly turned and his eyes met with mine. I held his gaze, hoping that he would see that I meant every word.

"Bella…" he started, raising his hand to cup my face, his thumb stroking over my lips.

"I love you, Jacob. I mean it. I know I've told you I love you before, but I really mean it. Like when I say I love you, I mean can't live without you, want to be yours love you. But the problem is that I feel the same way about Edward too. And I don't know what to do. I don't know how this will end up. There are a lot of things I don't know. But I do know one thing."

"What's that?" he asked huskily.

"I can't resist you anymore, Jake. I can't. And I don't want to. So I'm going to stop resisting." With that, I brought my arms around his neck and kissed him as if his kiss would save me from everything that was terrible and wrong in the world. My tongue coaxed his mouth open and I was lost in everything about Jacob. He turned me around, pressing my back up against the wood of the house, trailing his mouth down my neck so he could flick his tongue over my collarbone. I felt my knees weaken as he brought his hands to my breasts, pulling the fabric of my dress down so he could touch my skin and put his mouth on them.

I stared out into the expanse of green in front of me, and briefly wondered what I was doing before I decided that I wasn't going to think anymore. I was going to focus on Jacob, and nothing else. I closed my eyes, reveling in the feeling of his mouth on me and gasped when I felt his fingers slip underneath the silk of my panties and dive inside me. His thumb circled my clit and he brought me close to orgasm before he stopped. I groaned in protest.

"Is this what you want, Bella? Do you want me?" I opened my eyes to find his face inches from mine and I was reminded of the dream I had earlier that day. I stared into his beautiful eyes for a split second before I wordlessly dropped my body down against his, kneeling in front of him and tugging his sweatpants down around his ankles. I heard his growl as I took him in my mouth, sliding down his entire length. I brought my hand to meet my lips and stroked him as I sucked. Jake grabbed my arm and once again backed me against the house, bringing his hands up my dress. In one swift movement, he tore my silky white panties off of me and lifted me onto him, moving inside me in one smooth movement.

I cried out, clinging to the hot skin of Jacob's shoulders as he thrust himself inside me, feeling the sunlight warming my skin, Jacob's breath on my neck, the siding of the house on my back, Jake's hands gripping my thighs. Had my senses ever been this heightened before? As I neared the pinnacle of my orgasm, I opened my eyes to meet the already open eyes of Jacob.

"I love you, Jacob," I cried as he brought me over the edge, and he called out my name as he came with me. We stayed there for an indeterminable amount of time trying to catch our breaths, me desperately holding onto Jacob as if for dear life, and him holding me against the house, with his head buried in my neck. Once our breathing had slowed, he sat me down, and I righted my clothes, sans ripped panties, while he adjusted his sweatpants.

"Bella." Jake's voice brought me out of my reverie. "Bella, what does this mean?" Indeed. What did this mean? Did it mean that I was choosing Jake, that I was leaving Edward? I didn't know if I could do that.

"I don't know what this means, Jacob. I know that I love you. That this isn't just about sex or anything. I really do love you. But I also know that right now, Edward needs me. And while I'm not sure anymore if I need him, I need to be there for him. But I want to be with you too." I thought for a moment, and then stepped to where Jake was standing and laid my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"I love you too Bella, and I want you, but you know that. You've always known it." And I did. I had just been ignoring the thoughts, trying to push them as far from my mind as possible.

"What about this…and you can say no if you want," I cautioned before taking a deep breath. "What if…for right now, I have both of you? I stay with Edward, try to work things out with him as far as what's going on with the Volturi…and am with you when I can?"

"What, am I gonna be a fucking booty call?" he snapped, pulling me away from him.

"No, no, no," I tried to assure him. "You're going to be my best friend…who also happens to be my lover. We get the best of both worlds."

"Okay there, Hannah Montana. But what about the wedding?" he asked. "What happens when Edweird finds out about us?"

"Why would he?" The plan was already formulating in my mind. "He already knows that I go to La Push, and he can't go over the line…so we could meet at your house, just like normal, just like we always do." He sighed.

"Is this the only way that I can have you, Bella?"

"It is for right now," I answered truthfully. He brought his hand to my neck and his forehead to mine.

"I'll do what I have to do to be with you. But, Bells, this needs to be temporary. I can't just be the man who helps you scratch an itch when your rash flares up. I want to be yours, Bella, and I want you to be mine, just like you should be." I shivered at his words, but said nothing, choosing instead to bring my mouth to his in a glorious kiss, sealing my fate as I wondered what the hell I had just done.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

Are you following me on twitter? Do it. beckiey8. Fun times, I promise.


	13. In Which Ragu Is Not My Friend

Chapter 13-In Which Ragu Is Not My Friend

Bella

After the proposition was made, I couldn't back out. Jacob seemed happy enough about all of it, and told me that he had to leave for patrols but that he'd be back. I kissed him, and told him that I'd call him after I got my shit together. I was appalled that he had agreed to my suggestion, but even more appalled at myself for voicing the idea. What was I thinking? I had gone up to the bathroom so I could shower the sweat and smell of Jacob from my skin before I called Edward and told him not to come over, that I wanted some time to think before I saw him again. He had begged me to reconsider, but I told him just to give me some time.

I spent two days working and thinking about my life and how I had fucked it all up. I talked to Jacob twice on the phone but hadn't seen him. It wasn't for a lack of trying on his part, but I was still embarrassed over the "Proposition". Finally, after those two days and the two thousandth text message from Edward, asking if I was alright, I called him and told him to come over. He was at my house in less than five minutes. I was sitting on the front step waiting for him, knowing he'd been close by.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Well, I don't know either, Edward." His head whipped up and he looked astounded that I was speaking up for myself. "Seriously. This is ridiculous. You want me to be your wife, but you can't trust me with something like this. How can I trust you if you don't trust me?"

"I do trust you. I just didn't want to upset you."

"Life isn't just happy times, Edward. We're going to go through tough times too, and the idea is to be able to get through things like this together." He stepped up to me and put his hands on either side of my face, cupping it gently. His cold skin on mine was a startling contrast to Jacob's feverish touch. I pushed Jake out of my mind and focused on the beautiful man in front of me.

"You're right, Bella, and I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?" I stared into his golden eyes and felt all of my resolve disappearing. I nodded without a word and he immediately brought his mouth to mine. I sighed into his mouth, digging my hands into his hair. He fisted his hand in the fabric of my shirt and lifted me against him as he deepened the kiss. I pressed myself as close to him as I could and begged silently for more, but he was already pulling away from me. I sighed, frustrated.

"Want to go out and do something?" I asked, hoping to do anything other than what we normally did: sit in the living room at his house, either playing chess or listening to him play the piano.

"Not particularly. Let's watch that remake of Romeo and Juliet we watched on your birthday last September," he said, stepping around me and making his way into the house. I followed him and watched him walk over to the DVD player. I groaned inwardly and went to sit on the couch, where Edward came to sit with me and put his arms around me.

"I love you," he said. I smiled at him weakly, fighting an overwhelming urge to cry.

"I know," I said. "I love you too." I tried to focus on the movie and the man I was watching it with, but I couldn't. My thoughts wandered back to Jacob, and I wondered what he was doing. We watched a lot of television and movies, but it was never like this. We bet on how many commercials there would be, fought over how many times the late Billy Mays said, "But wait, there's more," on the Oxyclean infomercials and yelled out answers on Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. It wasn't like that with Edward, and I was finally beginning to see what I preferred.

"Thank you for calling Newton's Outfitters, where you can find anything for the outdoors. This is Bella, how can I help you?" I spoke into the phone as I picked it up from the back room, where I was trying to grab a sleeping bag.

"I know many, many ways you can help me," a familiar seductive voice rang out over the line. A smile split my face in two.

"Hey, Jake!" I said happily. He chuckled into the phone. "What's going on?"

"Well, Billy just informed me that he and Charlie were going over to the Clearwaters' house to give Sue a hand with some stuff around the house and that she's going to be making them dinner. They'll be out late. I wanted to know if you had any plans for the night." I thought about it. Edward was expecting me to come over, but I did that every night. I didn't have a night to myself with Jacob every night.

"Nothing I can't get out of," I replied. Damn, I was going to hell.

"Sweet. What time do you get off work?" I looked at the clock.

"Just another hour. I'll head right over after I leave here."

"Sounds good to me. I'll be waiting," he said, and a shiver raced through my spine as I hung up the phone.

I turned the phone back on and called Edward's cell to tell him about the change of plans. I may not have mentioned that while Charlie and I were both going to La Push for the night, Charlie would be somewhere else. I reasoned that in all fairness, I wasn't lying to Edward. It wasn't my fault that he couldn't go to the reservation to see what Jacob and I were doing.

He was disappointed and I could hear the struggle in his voice through the phone when he told me to have a good night and that he'd see me in the morning. Pangs of guilt shot through me, but I steeled my resolve. I was going to do this.

After work, I headed straight up to Jake's place. Charlie arrived just after I did and picked Billy up. I was amazed that he felt comfortable leaving Jake and I alone. He hated it any time I was alone with Edward, always tried to be within hearing distance.

If he only knew.

We drove down to the store and rented some movies, figuring that we could make some dinner and watch television while our parents were gone. Most likely the movies would lie on the table forgotten. Eh, at least it'd be a good prop.

"You seriously want me to teach you how to cook?" I asked incredulously as we walked in the door.

"Sure," Jake replied, opening the refrigerator and taking a swig from the orange juice container. "Might impress the ladies." He wriggled his eyebrows, making me giggle.

"What ladies are you trying to impress?" I asked lightly in an attempt to keep the jealousy out of my tone.

"There's this one girl, she makes my heart beat almost out of my chest whenever she's around." He stepped over to me, grabbing hold of my hips. "She has the most beautiful long brown hair, these kissable pouty lips, and her body…yeah."

"Sounds like you're smitten," I said with a grin after I quickly pulled myself together from his touch. "All right, we can make dinner together. We should probably do something easy. Like spaghetti," I said as I nonchalantly twisted out of his grip.

"Aw, if we're gonna do Italian, can we at least do something fancier than spaghetti?" he whined. I stuck my tongue out at him, then peered around him into the refrigerator. I pulled out some ricotta and mozzarella cheese.

"Baked ziti it is," I announced, holding the ingredients up. His eyes lit up.

"Sweet." He listened to my list of the things we needed, and retrieved them all while I started to make some pesto with the basil and pine nuts I had found in the kitchen. Once I was done, I began coaching him on how to make the meal. He joked that I was too easy on him, and dabbed some marinara sauce on my nose, then turned to put the casserole dish in the oven. I grabbed the spatula that he had been using and flicked some of the sauce at him, catching him on the side of the face as he stood up.

Silence.

I burst out laughing at the flabbergasted expression on his face. He wiped the sauce off of his cheek and smiled slyly at me. He stalked me around the kitchen table as I looked for a way to escape. I became despondent when I realized I was trapped, trying without success to think of an idea to get out unscathed. My squeal echoed in the room when he lunged at me, catching me in his arms. He laughed as he pressed me against the pantry door. He leaned down as if he was going to kiss me, and I closed my eyes in anticipation. When his lips didn't meet mine, I lifted my lashes to see what had happened. That was when he smeared his sauce-covered hand across my face.

"Jacob!" I screeched as I started to chase after him. Our laughs reverberated in the small kitchen as we chased and dodged each other, until I slammed against his chest. He hugged me to him as he pressed his warm lips to mine. I sighed against his mouth, as I had been waiting all day for this. I tangled my hands into his hair, kissing him hungrily. He returned my kiss just as greedily, and then stumbled around the kitchen as he began to undress me, pulling my shirt over my head and unhooking my bra. I yanked at his shirt and finally pulled it off as our bodies leaned against the counter. He trailed his fingers across my back and around to my breasts, tweaking the already stiff peaks of my nipples. I gasped as he broke the kiss, his mouth blazing a path from my neck down to the rosy tip of my left breast.

I ran my fingers across his shoulders, reveling in the feel of his mouth on me, the feel of his muscles against my skin, the weight of his arousal along my thigh. I yanked his face back to mine and he picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist without breaking the kiss. He walked across the room and placed me on top of the solid wood table, scattering the leftover ingredients. I felt something squishy underneath me and decided I didn't care what it was. Jake's mouth devoured mine as he worked on unbuttoning my jeans and taking them off, along with my panties.

I moaned as he brought his mouth to my mound, flicking it with his tongue. I grabbed at his hair and pulled him up to me, tasting my juices on his lips. I felt the stiff denim of his jeans against my legs and decided that if I was naked, then Jacob needed to be as well. I pulled myself up and sat on the edge of the table, yanking the button of his jeans from the hole and pulling the zipper down before looking into the lust filled eyes of my lover. His full lips pulled up at the edge.

"Like what you see?" I bit my lip.

"Nah. You are far too chiseled and god-like. Who wants someone who looks like that? Man, I really need to find someone with a beer belly and a bad comb over." He laughed and pulled me up into his arms.

"Maybe I could change your mind," he said, bringing his lips to mine and turning to set me on the countertop. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he kissed his way across my collarbone.

"I don't know if you have it in you," I moaned. "Maybe I need to try a different angle to see how the lack of a beer belly works for you…" I pushed him back to the table and climbed on top of him. As I slid onto him, his breath caught in his throat.

"Mm, I think this works pretty well. I think I might have to rethink my choices in men, so you still have a chance." I leaned over to run my tongue over his bottom lip as I rocked my hips. His hands grasped my thighs, helping to set the pace before wandering up and flicking my pebbled nipples.

I was close to my release and he knew it. He brought his right hand down and pinched my clit gently, effectively sending me over into an orgasm. He followed just after, groaning my name as he climaxed.

I slumped on top of him and attempted to catch my breath. His hands traced patterns across my back as I listened to the steady sound of his beating heart. I jumped when the silence was interrupted by the beeping of the timer.

"Food is done," he whispered against the top of my head. I climbed off of him and tossed him the oven mitt.

"Okay, Chef Jacob. Let's see how it came out." He stood up and donned the mitt. I took a long look at him and burst out laughing.

"What?" he asked defensively. I couldn't stop, so I just pointed at him. He growled as he opened the oven and pulled out the casserole dish.

"You obviously haven't seen yourself, sweet pea," he returned. I immediately stopped laughing and went into the bathroom to inspect the damage. I groaned when I was rewarded with the sight of a face covered in spaghetti sauce, ricotta cheese on my hips, and mozzarella in my hair. Jake came in, chuckling.

"I stuck our clothes in the wash. But I think the cheese will only come out when you wash your hair."

Hmm. A shower sounded like a wonderful idea.

After some water play, Jake and I ate and then cleaned up the mess in the kitchen before making chocolate chip cookies and cuddling up on the couch to watch one of the movies we had rented. My clothes were in the dryer so I stole one of Jake's long tee shirts to cover up with. As we watched the movie, he stroked my bare leg absentmindedly. I wasn't sure what we were watching, I was too busy focusing on the feeling of his hand on my skin. I watched as his fingers snaked up my skin, marveling at the contrast of the color and warmth of our skin—his brown against my pale, his warmth against my chill.

"You okay, babe?" he asked, pausing the movie. "You're not very into the movie."

"Nah, I can't really get into it. But I'm okay. I'm just out of sorts I think."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Uh, not really. I don't think you want to hear it."

"Bells, I'm more than just your sex toy. I'm still your best friend."

"Jacob, my sex toy is in the top drawer of my dresser, hidden underneath some sexy nighties Alice bought me that I've never worn. You are not my sex toy. This is more to me than just that."

"Top drawer, sexy nighties. You're killing me here, Bells."

"Awesome."

"I'm a guy," he said, leaning over and brushing his lips against my neck. "What am I supposed to say?" I giggled. "Really, what's going through your mind?"

"You."

He visibly puffed up. "Sweet. What were you thinking about?"

"Does the fact that I'm not Quileute ever bother you?"

"What? Where did that come from?" he asked, sitting up and looking over at me.

"I was looking at the contrast of our skin, and I was just wondering if it ever bothered you that you fell in love with a…"

"With a white girl?" he said, looking away.

"No. Well, yes."

"I don't know. It may have been mentioned once, back when I told Billy that I loved you. He knew it, of course, but he also warned me because he was sure I was going to get my heart broken. He urged me to find a girl on the rez, or even a nearby rez, but it's only been you, Bells. You could be black, white, orange, purple…it wouldn't matter to me. While I'm in love with your beauty, because you are beautiful, I'm more in love with the person you are, the one who drives me batshit crazy and makes me happier than a tornado in a trailer park."

I was silent for a moment, pondering his words before I let out a snort. "Tornado in a trailer park?"

"It's just an expression," he huffed. "I got it from Tow Mater in Cars. Quil made me help him babysit Claire."

I tried to be sympathetic, but I couldn't hold the laughter in. He tried to keep a straight face but it was useless. We were still smiling when we saw the headlights of Charlie's cruiser pulling in. I quickly stood up and threw on a pair of Jake's shorts, folding the waist over and over until they actually stayed on. Jake threw on a shirt and we were sitting an appropriate distance from each other when Billy and Charlie came through the door.

"Hey guys, did you have a good night?" Billy asked.

"We sure did," Jacob said, grinning at him. I rolled my eyes.

"Bells, where are your clothes?" Charlie asked, looking at my outfit.

I blushed. "Jake made dinner tonight, and somehow more sauce ended up on me than in the ziti. I had to wash them, they're in the dryer right now." As if on cue, the dryer buzzed to signal the completion of the cycle. I stood up and went into the laundry room to grab them, with Jake on my heels, insisting on helping and calling out to our dads that there were leftover cookies on the stove.

"I figured I should come in here so I can kiss you goodbye," he whispered, grabbing me by the waist as I pulled my clothes from the dryer.

"Jake!" I whispered back, trying to peek around him to see if either Billy or Charlie had followed.

"Relax, Bells. Neither one of our fathers can resist chocolate chip cookies. I just wanted to thank you for coming over tonight. It was great to have you here."

I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I'm glad I came."

"Several times." I laughed and kissed him.

"I'll miss you," I said after I broke away from the kiss.

"Miss you more," he whispered, his lips touching my forehead before letting me go. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you too, Jacob."


	14. All Good Things Must Come to an End

here it is, the chapter that you all have been waiting for!

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Chapter 14-All Good Things Must Come to an End

I followed Charlie's cruiser home from the reservation. We talked a little before I headed up to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I opted not to take a shower, seeing as I had managed to wash my hair while on a quick break from the water play with Jacob. I shivered at the memory of his fingers combing through my hair as I rinsed. I had looked into his eyes and was rewarded with a look of pure adoration. I had been jolted by the amount of love I had for him.

This was very bad.

I sighed and started brushing my teeth, then washed my face. I tried to avoid looking in the mirror, because every time I did I realized I hated myself. I hated what I was doing, and I didn't think I would be able to do it much longer. But whose heart would I break? Jacob's, Edward's…my own? I realized that it was completely possible.

I hung up my towel and turned off the light, feeling the way to the bedroom in the dark hallway. I opened the door and flopped on my bed.

"Fuck!" I said to no one in particular.

"Love, you've been spending entirely too much time with Jacob," I heard from behind me. I flipped around and saw Edward standing against the closet.

"Edward!" I whispered, my hand covering my beating chest. "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you. I knew you'd be home eventually, and even though you didn't come over tonight, I still wanted to see you. I didn't think you'd mind. Do you mind?"

"Uh, no…"

"Good. So you've started cursing. Definitely been spending too much time with Jacob. He should know better than to speak like that in front of a lady."

"It's not…"

"And Bella, why are you wearing his clothes?"

"I, uh, spilled spaghetti sauce all over me when we were cooking dinner. Jake gave me some clothes to wear so I could wash them."

"Well, I'm wondering if you'd be willing to change. You smell just like him. Are you not going to take a shower?"

"I took one at Jacob's. I got mozzarella cheese in my hair."

"How did you…you know what? I don't even want to know. But can you please change?"

I stared at him. Change. That's all Edward ever wanted from me. He wanted me to change my clothes, the kind of car I drove, my species…when was it going to end? Would I forever be changing for him?

And yet, even though I did so much to change for him, what had he done for me? He refused to change his ways. He was still condescending, wouldn't make love to me, didn't trust my ability to handle things that were important to both of us.

"Love?" he asked. "Did you want me to get your clothes for you?"

"No," I whispered. "No," a little louder this time. "I do not want to change. I want to go to bed. It's been a long day and I want to crash. These clothes are comfortable, and they make me happy because they smell like Jacob, who makes me happy. I'm not going to argue about the clothes I'm wearing. So you can either suck it up, or you can leave."

Whoa. I couldn't believe I said that. Apparently, Edward couldn't either because his face was one of total shock.

"Bella, I don't know what's gotten into you. All I was saying was that it bothers me when you come home smelling like a d…"

"Don't even go there, Edward. Jacob is my best friend and I'm not giving him up. You've told me to do it before, and I tried. But I can't. I need him. If you want to be with me, you have to deal with me spending time with him as well."

"I never said…"

"You did. Now I'm going to bed. Are you staying, or are you going?" He stared at me for a minute and I stared back at him, the dare in my eyes. Breaking the stare, I climbed under my blankets and laid my head on the pillow, not waiting for him. I closed my eyes and heard him walk to the window.

"I do love you," he said quietly. "But I think you need some time to think. Call me in the morning." In response, I simply turned away from him. He sighed audibly and was gone, leaving me to ponder what I really wanted in this life.

I was awoken at the ass crack of dawn by the sound of banging in the kitchen. I looked over at the clock and groaned at the sight that greeted me. It had taken me ages to fall asleep, trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life and who I wanted to be with. Now I was awake at eight thirty on my only morning off? God.

I headed down the stairs to investigate and found my father attempting to make breakfast. The counters were covered with ingredients from the refrigerator and something sizzled in a pan.

"Breakfast, Bells?"

"Uh, sure?"

"Since I'm leaving tomorrow for vacation and I couldn't convince you to join me, I decided that I should do something special for you."

"Aw, Dad, that's really nice of you. I'd love breakfast. Do you need any help?"

"Nope, I've got it. Sit down and keep your old man company."

Great. This could only mean I was going to get the third degree. "What do you want to know, Dad?"

"Did you have a good time at Jake's last night?"

Oh my. I blushed. "I did. We had fun."

"What does Edgar think of you spending time with our family friend?"

"His name is Edward, Dad, you know that. I don't understand why you insist on calling him Edgar. And he doesn't like it, but I told him that Jake is my best friend and that if he wanted to be with me, then Jake comes with the package."

"Bet he didn't like that," my father commented, sliding an omelet on a plate, sticking some bacon on it and giving me a side of toast.

"I don't really care," I said. His eyebrows rose as he handed me a glass of orange juice.

"I'm proud of you, Bells. You've been letting him walk all over you since he started coming around, and took him back like him leaving you was nothing at all. Make the man grovel a little bit, eh?"

"I don't want him to grovel. I just want him to respect me."

"Like Jake does?"

"Yeah Dad, like Jake does."

After my father waved me aside when I offered to clean up the mess he had made, I went up to take a shower. I needed to call Edward — we needed to talk.

I told him that I wanted to go to Port Angeles and have lunch and he offered to pick me up around eleven. I did some laundry, but left Jake's clothes out. They still held his smell and for some reason that comforted me. I did a quick run-through of my bedroom and bathroom, and as I was finishing up, a knock sounded on the door. My father hollered up to me, so I assumed Edward had shown up. I tossed my bag of toiletries into my room and closed the door, then turned around and walked into a solid wall of man.

"Holy shit!" I screeched.

"Language, Bella!" My father shouted up the stairs, humor evident in his tone.

"Hey, Bells. I stopped over to see what you were doing on your day off, see if you wanted to come to Port Angeles with Paul, Embry and me. We're gonna do some shopping, Paul shredded another pair of shoes yesterday."

"Oh, thanks Jake, but I have plans with Edward today." His face darkened and his easy smile disappeared. "We're actually going to Port Angeles too because I want to go to that Italian restaurant for lunch."

"Oh. Well then, whatever. I'm gonna head there now. Call me later?"

"Sure," I said, wanting to talk to him more. "Jake, I…" My words were cut off by his lips. It was a quick kiss, but a passionate one.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I know," I whispered back. He turned away from me and started to walk down the stairs. "Oh, Jake, wait. I have something for you in my room. Hold on." I stepped in my room and handed him the CD I had made him. "You can listen to it on your ride to Port Angeles."

"Thanks, Bells! This is great." He kissed my cheek and broke away at the sound of a car door slamming in the driveway.

"Bells! Edward's here," my father called up the stairs, disinterest evident in his tone.

"Charlie Swan, Edward Cullen's biggest fan," Jake said. I giggled, pushed him out of my room and followed him down the stairs. Edward was waiting in the doorway. He nodded at Jake and came over to kiss my cheek.

"So he's allowed upstairs, but I'm not?"

Charlie came out from around the corner. "Jake is family." A huge shit-eating grin crossed over Jake's face. "You always trust family."

"Ah," Edward said, glancing at Jake.

OH MY GOD! Edward may not be able to read my mind, but he could read Jake's! Oh FUCK! I glanced over at Edward who was looking at Jacob, but there was nothing.

"Bells, I'm out of here. Getting crowded in here. Maybe we'll see you in the Port later."

"Bye, Jake," I squeaked as he passed me with a wink.

"Jacob's going to Port Angeles too?" Edward asked, his face scrunched up as if some bad odor had passed under his nose.

"Obviously not with us. I think he's going later with some of his friends. Dad, Edward and I are going to get some lunch in Port Angeles. I'll be home later."

"Okay Bells. I leave for my trip at oh-five-hundred tomorrow, so I'll be going to bed pretty early. I'd like to see you before I leave, so can you be home for dinner?"

I looked over at Edward and he nodded. "I'll see you later, Dad," I said, stepping out of the norm and planting a kiss on his cheek. He blushed and stammered back into the kitchen.

"Ready to go?" Edward asked me. I glanced up at him. His face was rock-hard.

"Sure."

The ride to Port Angeles was quiet, with only the sound of music playing softly from the speakers of the Volvo. When we arrived in Port Angeles, clouds had darkened the sky, making me happy I had brought a sweater to wear over my dress. We were seated outside with a view of the bay. We ordered sodas and lunch—Edward's of course being just for show.

After the waitress left, I looked at our surroundings, anything other than at Edward.

"Bella?" he asked. I turned to look at him. "Are you going to talk to me, tell me what's bothering you?"

"Yes. A lot of things have been bothering me. This whole changing thing and having to go to Italy to have it done."

"Bella…"

"I get it. I know why he wants it done. But Edward, it's more of the fact that you didn't tell me." He started to say something but I held up my hand. "I know we talked about it, that you established you were wrong. I know. But it's more than that. Ever since you left, I have noticed some pretty big flaws in our relationship. Namely that I don't feel good enough for you. I've never been good enough. I don't wear the right clothes, I don't drive the right car, don't have the right friends." The waitress chose that moment to bring out our entrees and make googly eyes at Edward before refilling our drinks and leaving.

Edward got right back on topic. "Bella, we can change that…"

"That's just the thing, Edward!" I burst out, dropping my fork onto my plate. "I don't want to change it! I like the way I am. I love my truck. And I love Jake. He's my best friend. I know it burns you knowing that I spend so much time with him. But I can't not spend time with him. You're my moon, but he's my sun. He keeps me balanced."

"Eat, Bella," he cajoled. I picked up the fork and stuffed a piece of ravioli in my mouth. "There. That's a good girl."

I finished chewing. "That's another thing. I have a father. I don't need another one. You tell me when I need to eat, when I need a coat, when I need to go to the bathroom. I'm sick of it! I don't want you to control me any more!" I took an angry sip of my soda and put it down. Edward was looking to the right of me, toward the sidewalk.

"What?" I asked. "What are you looking at?" I turned in my seat and was rewarded with the sight of three huge Quileute boys walking toward us. Embry and Jake walked by with just a smile and a wave, but Paul walked slowly by, a sly smile creeping over his face.

There was a quick intake of breath from across the table. "No," he whispered, turning his attention from Paul to me.

Edward

"No," I whispered, and Bella tore her gaze from Jacob back to me. Paul was still walking toward us, tormenting me with images in his head…not images that he'd seen firsthand exactly, but that he had seen.

Bella kissing Jacob in the woods before the fight. I knew about that one. Bella kissing Jacob in the back of Newton's store. Bella sleeping in Jake's arms. Bella grinding herself against Jacob while at Sam and Emily's. Bella begging Jacob to take her. Bella listening to his heartbeat. Jacob's head between Bella's beautiful legs. Jacob taking Bella against the side of her house and her begging him to stay with her. Bella riding Jacob on top of the kitchen table.

Sucks to be you, leech, Paul's voice rang in my head.

"I think you have some explaining to do, don't you agree, Bella?" I asked, my tone entirely too sweet.

"You know, don't you?" she asked, her tone low.

"Your friend Paul has a very vivid recall. Now I know why Jacob was reciting the Quileute alphabet in his head at your house earlier. Let's get out of here. We're going to talk. Now." I threw money at the hovering waitress and pulled Bella up. Jacob was on me in a second, snarling. I growled in return.

"Stop! Both of you! I'm sorry, we're leaving now," I heard Bella say to the startled waitress. I felt her arm pulling me, trying to get me to move. "Edward, Jacob, please. Let's just go."

"You're not leaving with him, Bella. Come on, I'll take you home," Jacob said, standing in front of her.

I remembered the sound of Bella moaning Jacob's name. "No. I think she's spent enough time with you. I'm her fiancé. I'm the one who is supposed to keep her safe."

"Yeah, and what a great job you've done of it," Jacob sneered, still standing between Bella and I.

"Bella," I said. "Come on." She peeked at me around Jacob, fear evident in her eyes.

She was afraid of me.

"This is fantastic. You've been going off on me all this time because I didn't trust you enough to tell you we were going to have to go to Italy to have your procedure done. But I always trusted you would remain faithful! I thought you loved me, I pined for you the entire time I was in Italy, and now I come to find out you have been sleeping with someone else? What happened, I said no, so you moved on to the next willing and ready body?"

"It wasn't like that!" Jacob and Bella said at the same time.

"Jacob, I don't care what it was like for you. The only reason you even had the chance was because I was gone and Bella was vulnerable. You took advantage of that. You knew that she was wrestling with feelings for you, and was missing me, so you jumped on the chance to make Bella see that you were the right one for her. But you're not. You can't give her what I can. A house, an established family of those who already love her, lifetimes of happiness. You're just a poor Indian boy, living with his handicapped father in a shack, collecting money every month from the elders. You're a loser, Jacob, and you'll never be anything more than that."

"Edward!" Bella said, stepping around Jacob. "That's an awful thing to say!"

"It's no worse than what the two of you did to me. All this time, you've made me feel so guilty for everything. Now I find out you've been having sex with your best friend? The best friend you refused to give up even after I asked you? You asked him, Bella. You wanted him. You even asked him to keep your sexual needs met while still with me. You're disgusting. Was having sex that important to you?"

"No, it wasn't just sex! I love him!" A knife stabbed through my heart and I felt actual chest pain. "I'm sorry, Edward, but I love him. But I love you too. I love you so much. I never wanted to hurt you!"

"You should have thought about that when you opened your legs and let him in. You disgust me, Bella. I don't even want you in my sight right now. Here are my keys. Get home, I'll pick the car up later. I'm out of here."

"Edward!" she screamed after me, but I was already gone.

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meep! what will happen now? any guesses?


	15. Becoming Bella

This chapter was really difficult to write. In it, Bella is stuck between a rock and a had place...both literally and figuratively. I hope that it turned out okay. This is more of a filler chapter as we get into further good stuff.

Thanks as always to my beta Meg, the best friend a girl could ever ask for. Also big thanks to leelator, liljules and tjb. You girls make my world go 'round.

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Chapter 15-Becoming Bella

Bella

"Edward!" I watched as he ran off in a blur. "Edward!" I tried again. It didn't work. I slumped my shoulders in defeat.

"Bells, let me take you home," Jacob said, touching my shoulder.

"Paul. Why would you do that?" I screeched, running up to him and slapping him in the face. My hand stung, but my heart hurt even worse. "He wasn't supposed to find out this way! I was going to tell him tonight that I was calling off the wedding. You didn't have to put him through that!"

"It isn't my fault that he can see my thoughts, nor is it my fault that I can see Jacob's. When I saw you, I couldn't help but play through what I'd seen in Jacob's mind." He sneered, rubbing his palm against his cheek. "I like the way you moan when you come, Bella."

"Ugh! Is nothing sacred?" I asked, whirling around to face Jacob, who was biting back a grin. "This isn't funny, Jacob. He just ruined everything!"

"Bella, you're the one who ruined everything when you chose to fuck Jake in the first place," Paul interjected.

"Fuck off, Paul. I'm outta here."

"Bells…" Jake said, taking a step toward me.

"No. I'm gone." With that, I turned on my heel and walked away from one of the men I loved, much like the other man I loved did to me.

I cursed myself the entire time that I drove home from Port Angeles. I tried replaying it, wondering what I could have done differently. What I should have done. Namely being that I shouldn't have slept with Jacob, the other being that it seemed inevitable. I should have told Edward after the first time. He would have been upset, but in lying to him over and over, I had really messed things up big time. I didn't think there was any coming back from this.

When I pulled the Volvo into the driveway, I found Edward there waiting for me. Darkness was beginning to creep in, and I felt a strange sense of foreboding.

"Hey," I said, climbing out of the car.

"Hello, Bella." He didn't say anything else. I walked up to him and handed him his keys. He took them without a word and stuffed them in his pocket.

"Want to talk?" I asked, motioning to the steps. He nodded and led the way. I folded my skirt under me and sat next to him.

"Bella, I have one question. Why?"

"That's the one question I don't have an answer to, because I don't really know. It could be several reasons. You make me feel unwanted and unloved when you pull away from me. You were gone and I was missing you. A part of me wanted to know what it'd be like to be with Jake. A part of me loves him and wanted to explore that option. I was afraid of a lifelong commitment to you. I was horny. Take your pick."

"Bella, I don't want to pick. I want to go back to before, before this ever happened. I want to be the only man in your life. I don't want to compete with Jacob. When we're together, I don't want to wonder if you're thinking of him. I want to know that you're thinking of me.

"I know that the thought of marriage really bothers you. Maybe you need more time. I rushed you, mostly because of Jacob. I've seen your feelings for him growing in the past several months. He's loved you since you were kids, and I can't compete with that. I just want you to know that you're devoted to me and only me. I love you, I want to be with you, but I need to know that you're over him, and that this will never happen again. And truthfully, I don't think I'll be so willing to have you going over to La Push. The trust is gone, Bella. You're going to have to earn it back if you want to be with me."

"Edward, I'm not sure if I want to be with you anymore, quite honestly. There are so many things that aren't right in our relationship and I don't know if we can get past them. You're pretty set in your ways."

"I am, but I would try to change if it would make you happy." I smiled at him.

"I know you would try. But for how long?"

"As long as it takes," he promised. I leaned my head on his shoulder. He would. But did I want him to? I didn't know. What I did know was that I had to stay away from both of them for a little while so I could clear my head.

Suddenly, I had a brilliant idea. "Hold on, I'll be right back," I promised Edward as I jumped up. I ran into the house and found Charlie on the couch, sipping a beer and watching the fishing channel.

"Hey Bells, I didn't hear you come home."

"I just got here. Look, I was wondering…is the offer to take me on vacation with you still available?"

"Of course it is. Why?"

"I've decided that I'm going to go with you. I need to get out of here for awhile. Is that okay?"

"Uh, you realize that we're just going to be going to a hunting and fishing lodge, right?"

"Yeah, that's okay. I can come fishing with you, but I can bring stuff to do, it's not that big of a deal. I just wanna get out of here for a little while, think some stuff over, spend some time with my dad. As long as you're okay with me coming."

"That sounds great. I'm glad you changed your mind. But you're gonna have to hurry and pack, we leave early tomorrow."

"How long are we going to be gone for?"

"Two weeks."

"Okay, I'll get on it now. Thanks, Dad." I went back outside, where Edward was now standing at the bottom of the steps.

"You're leaving?" he asked, the pain evident in his voice.

"Just for a couple of weeks. I need to take some time to myself, to really look inside and see what it is in my life that I want. What, not who. I don't want to base my life on if I want you or Jacob. I want to know what I want out of my life."

"Bella, you don't have to do this, leave like this," he said, coming up to where I stood at the top of the stairs. "You can stay here, I can be around if you need me…"

"No, Edward. I'll be fine. My father will be there. I'll have plenty to do."

"But what do I do?"

"What did you do before me?"

"Nothing," he stated, attempting a half-smile.

"Well, you'll have plenty of time to do nothing. Maybe you should take this time to decide what it is that you want in your life too, Edward. I can't be the only aspect of your life. You need to go back to doing things you loved before me, like playing the piano and beating Jasper at chess."

"I can try," he said, stepping close to me and running his hands down my arms. "I'll miss you."

"I know. I'll miss you too. Be safe, okay? We'll talk when I get back."

"I really wish you wouldn't go. I don't like this. At all."

"I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm going anyway."

"All right. I still love you. Very much."

"I know. I love you." I just wondered if it was enough.

I was loading up my duffel bag when a knock sounded on my door. "Come on in," I called out, figuring that it was my father at the door. "I was wondering if I should bring my boots. Do you think that I'll need them?"

"You're leaving?" Jacob asked, his tone strangely reminding me of Edward's. I spun around to face him.

"Jake! I wasn't expecting you. What are you doing here?"

"I figured I needed to see how you were doing, make sure that you were okay. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought Paul with me. I didn't realize that he would do that. It was wrong."

"I'm not mad at him. It would have happened eventually."

"Were you really going to call off the wedding?" he asked, sitting down on the bed next to my bag.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

I sighed and sat down next to him on the bed. "I may not know many things about what I want in life right now, but I know that being pressured into marriage isn't good for me. And I can't marry Edward knowing that he's not the only man who holds my heart."

"You were going to call it off because of me?"

"No, Jacob. I was going to do it because of me. Not everything is about you."

"I didn't mean it that way, Bells. Don't go putting words in my mouth."

"Don't be an ass then."

"I must get it from hanging out with you so much." He grinned, all argument gone from his face. That was one of the things I loved most about him. He couldn't stay mad at me, and could always make me laugh.

"The reason I'm leaving is to figure out what it is that I want out of my life. What I want. Who I want to be as a person, not who I want to be with. And I'm hoping that when I figure out who I want to be, the person who is right for me will accept me for who I decide to be."

"Well, it sucks that you have to leave to do that. I mean, you could stay here, I could hang out with you."

"I think that kind of defeats the purpose, Jacob."

"True. Well, go find yourself. Let me know what you decide. I love you, Bells, but I'm not gonna wait forever, because unlike the leech, I don't have it."

"Well that's great to know. I hope that if I decide that the Bella I need to be needs some Jacob in her life that I do it soon enough to be sure that you won't have already moved on." I shook my head and stood up, stuffing the boots in my bag.

"Bells, that's not exactly how I meant it."

"Yes it is, Jacob. Don't lie to me. You've been with other girls before me, you didn't wait. And that's fine. I may come home and decide that I don't want either one of you and elope with Mike Newton. Or Embry."

"You're too wild for Embry. He wouldn't know what to do with you." He stepped closely to me and ran his hand under my hair.

"Jacob…" I moaned.

"I just want to give you something to remember when you're thinking about me. I was fucking around on the internet last week and found a sappy love poem that reminded me of you." He leaned into, whispering into my ear,

"If I could have just one wish,  
I would wish to wake up every day  
to the sound of your breath on my neck,  
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,  
the touch of your fingers on my skin,  
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...  
Knowing that I could never find that feeling  
with anyone other than you."

"Who was that?"

"Some chick, I don't remember. I've never heard of her. But the poem reminded me of you, so I wanted you to hear it. I hoped to be able to recite it while we were laying naked in bed, but this seemed like a good time too."

I choked back a sob. "It was a great time. I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too. Come back to me soon, okay? Even if you decide that the person that you want to be isn't someone who wants to hang out with my kind. Just come and tell me, okay?"

"Of course."

"I love you, Isabella Swan."

"I love you too, Jacob Black." He lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me. I clung to him, wanting to change my mind, but knowing that I had to deal with myself before I could decide which man I wanted.

Charlie and I were out of the house just after five in the morning, coffee mugs in our hands, cruiser loaded up with everything we'd need for the two week trip. Since neither Charlie nor I were morning people, the ride was mostly quiet. After about seven hours, we pulled into a lodge on the Columbia River, where Charlie planned on spending two weeks fishing. I figured I could read and write on my laptop.

And think. Lots of thinking.

Charlie seemed to know that that was the reason I had come, and tried to let me just have time to myself. We talked about everything a little, but I figured that he was probably biased because he loved Jacob and hated Edward. Most days I sat outside on the porch of the lodge, doing research on my laptop, going over my experiences in my head, and trying to figure out the kind of person I wanted to be.

Halfway through the week, my mother called my cell, bemoaning over the fact that I was on a trip with Charlie but hadn't gone to see her in months. I let her talk me into a two week vacation to Jacksonville. Charlie and I would head home for one night so I could unpack and repack, then I'd head to Seattle the next morning and fly out to Jacksonville.

By the time that my vacation with Charlie came to a close, I knew what I had to do. An hour away from home, I made a call and asked him to come over so we could talk.

Edward was sitting on our front step when we pulled into the driveway. He leaned in and kissed me on the forehead and I smiled up at him.

"How was your trip?"

"It was good, thanks."

"How about I help your father with the bags and then we can talk?"

"That sounds great." We helped Charlie unload the car and then sat back down on the steps while Charlie put his catches in the freezer. In the silence, I could hear a car pull up near the neighbor's house and then pull away, the birds in the woods behind the house and the deep sounds of Edward's breathing.

Finally, Edward spoke quietly. "You didn't call me to come rushing back into my arms, did you?"

I sighed. "No. I wanted to tell you this to your face. I love you, Edward. I do. Very much. But I don't like the person that I've become since being with you. I used to be a strong person, one that people could depend on. But since being with you, I've turned into this whiny mushball who can't take care of herself. I want to be someone, I want to make a difference, but I feel like I can't do that being with you. I can't be my own person with you. If I stay with you, I'll forever be Edward's Bella, and I've decided that I just want to be Bella's Bella."

"Not Jacob's Bella?"

"I don't know. I like the way he calls me out on my shit. He knows when I'm strong enough, and he knows when I need help but I'm too proud to ask for it. But I don't want to live my life for a man, Edward. I want to live for myself. I want to make a life for myself and be the person I always wanted to be. I'm sorry, Edward, but I don't think that plan can include you."

He hung his head in defeat and I laid my head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry that you feel that way, Bella. I never meant to make you feel that way about yourself. I only wanted to protect you and keep you safe. I see now that you could have done that yourself the whole time. I apologize. But what now? Do you want me to leave? Never speak to you again? Do you want to stay friends? Should I keep you on speed dial? Will I ever see you again?"

"Wow, Edward, slow down on the vamp speed. No, I don't want you to leave. I would be devastated if you never spoke to me again. I want to stay friends and I want to see you, and see your family too. I just don't want to marry you. I love you, but I'm starting to see that the kind of love I have for you isn't the kind that makes lasting marriages."

"What about school?"

"Well, I'm all signed up at the University of Alaska, and that's where I plan on going. I'm not putting my life on hold, I'm going forward."

"Do you still want me to come with you?"

"Do you want to go to Alaska?"

"Sure. There's an abundance of wildlife up there."

"Well then come. But I want you to know Edward, I'm not going to get back with you. So please don't try. We'll be friends, but that's all we'll ever be."

"I can deal with friends, as long as I have you in my life. We can figure the specifics later. For now, I'm just happy that you're home."

"I'm only home for tonight. I'm going to go upstairs and unpack, then repack. Renee wants me to come down to Jacksonville for a couple of weeks before school starts. So I'm leaving tomorrow morning."

"You're leaving again?"

"Yeah, I figure I should spend some time with my mom before I become all caught up in my college life. That, and she insisted. You know how hard it is for me to deny Renee."

"This is true. Well, be safe, and we'll talk about everything related to school when you get back."

"Thanks, Edward. I do love you."

"I love you more. Always." He pressed his lips to my cheek and was gone. I sat in the darkness for several more minutes before going inside and picking up the phone.

_"Hello?"_

"Hey Billy, it's Bella. Is Jake around?"

_"Oh, Bella. No, he's not here. He went out a little while ago and hasn't come back yet. How was the trip?"_

"It was good. Charlie caught a lot of fish, but he complained that I wasn't as interesting a fishing buddy as you are. Next time, you're going."

_"Sounds good to me. Want me to have Jake call when he gets back?"_

"Yeah, that would be great. Talk to you later." I hung up the phone and headed up the stairs to my bedroom, to repack for another trip, to another kind of life I could have had but didn't want. I waited for Jake to either call or come over, but he never did.

I slept fitfully, worrying about Jake and where he was. He had to know that I was back, why hadn't he come or called? Charlie and I were up early the next morning to drive to Sea-Tac. Once eight thirty hit, I tried to call the Black's house but this time, I didn't get an answer.

I was leaving again, and Jacob didn't even know that I had broken it off with Edward.

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Chapter End Notes:

Happy New Year!

My resolutions for this year: finish this story, anger management, write the "Geekob" story that's been floating around in my head and write that Jasper fic too...eep.


	16. You Had Me From Hello?

**i realize that it has taken me a long time to update. i could give you a sob story about 9 inches of snow falling in my town, creating a state of emergency here in south carolina. this caused school to be canceled, resulting in me having to do a nursing class in four weeks. then i got the flu which took me out for another week, so i got to do my class in three weeks instead. good news: still got a B! i am an epic least in school. **

**i can't promise weekly updates like other authors. i can't promise updates every other week, maybe you will get one once a month. i'm not going to apologize. i'm a mom with two kids, a husband who works crazy hours, i'm a nursing student who works part time and has an addiction to facebook. i write for fun and right now i'm having a hard time getting back into this story. i'm not going to give y'all crap just because i feel like i need to get a chapter out. **

**please don't flame. i just want you all to know. **

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Chapter 16

Jacob

Billy had told me that Charlie had called him from the road and told him that he and Bella were on their way home. I was so excited because I had spent the two weeks that she had been gone searching inside myself and I realized that Bella was truly the one for me. I may not have imprinted on her, but legend said that not everyone did. I was okay with not imprinting; I loved Bella far more than I could ever love an imprint.

I spoke to Billy, told him what had happened in the past several weeks. It was slightly embarrassing talking to my father about having sex with his best friend's daughter, but I didn't care anymore. I just wanted to be out in the open with Bella. I knew she would choose me, how could she not?

When Billy came in my room to let me know that they were on their way, I jumped out of bed and hurried around, taking a shower, taking care to dress nicely, stopping at the store to buy flowers and committing another poem that I had found to memory. Then I drove over to her house, expecting to find her there waiting for me.

She was there, but she wasn't waiting for me. I stopped two houses down when I saw Cullen's car out front. She was sitting on the steps with him. She had called him before she had called me.

She had chosen him. Fucking figures.

Not wanting to see the happy reunion, I peeled out of there, tossing the flowers out of my car as I drove. My heart was broken, cracked in two, never to be repaired again.

Don't get mad, a voice in my head said. Get even.

I grinned to myself. My heart may not be able to be repaired, but the pain could be eased. I picked up my cell phone and called Embry.

Bella

I tried to call Jacob every day, sometimes even twice a day, but he was never home. Billy started acting cold and distant toward me but never told me why. I worried the entire time I was in Jacksonville, my mind was distracted as I spent time with my mother and Phil. Mom commented on it several times, but I couldn't answer her. I told her that Edward and I had broken things off, and that I was okay with it. She didn't really believe me.

I hung up the phone when it went unanswered at the Black's house. It was my last day in Jacksonville, it was summer, and it was lunchtime. I'd heard about a sub shop called Angie's that I wanted to try out. My mother offered to come with me, but I declined. I needed some time to myself, so I hopped in her car and hopped on Beach Boulevard and finally found the little hole in the wall restaurant.

The sub was perfection. As I sat in the dining area with my heaven on a roll, I started to think. How could I get in touch with Jacob? I was flying out at ten the next morning, and would arrive in Seattle around four. I could head over to the reservation; see if I could find Jacob myself. I went over what I would say in my head.

Jacob, I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to decide that it's you I want.

You're the one who completes me.

You had me from hello.

"I'm sorry; did you say something to me?" The red-haired girl at the next table asked. I realized I was staring in this random girl's direction as I muttered what I could say to Jake.

"Oh, sorry, no. I was just accidentally thinking out loud." She grinned at me, and then focused on the boy walking to her table.

"Jessi, here's your sweet tea. I want to grab one of those papers, I'll be right back." She grinned up at him then focused back on me.

"I'd stay away from 'you had me from hello'. Unless of course, you're Jerry Maguire."

I giggled, then picked up my trash and stood up. "Thanks for the advice. Have a great day."

"Thanks, you too."

As I walked out of the restaurant wishing that Forks had an Angie's too, I realized that Jessi was right. I should stay away from pathetic clichés. I should just tell him that I was sorry for everything I had put him through and that I wanted to love him the right way. That he was the person I wanted to be with because he could support the Bella I wanted to be, and he'd love me anyway.

Slightly cheered, I headed back to Renee's and enjoyed my last night with my mother. I told her of my plans to go to Alaska for school and about my job in Forks, but I didn't tell her much about Jacob. It wasn't because I didn't want to; it was just too hard to tell my mother that I was suddenly in love with my best friend because I had fucked him like an animal in heat. Really, how do you go about that one?

After an uneventful flight and an equally uneventful car ride home with Charlie, I tossed my suitcase in the house and dashed to my truck, wanting to see Jacob as fast as possible. Shouting out a farewell to Charlie, I put the truck in gear and was already down the road when I shut my door.

I couldn't wait. I spent the car ride practicing, remembering Jessi's warning about staying away from clichés. I wanted to be honest. I wanted to apologize to him for everything I had ever said or done to hurt him, I wanted to tell him that I was stupid for trying to force my relationship with Edward when it was as plain as day that I wanted someone else. I had been selfish, and I planned on groveling. I would beg for him to forgive me and I knew that he would. He was Jacob, and he loved me.

There wasn't anyone at the Black's house, but since it was Saturday evening, I was pretty sure that I knew where Jake was…the beach. I walked through the woods behind Jake's house rather than drive because I couldn't be assured of a parking spot and I didn't want to waste my time dealing with the hassle. I just wanted to be back in Jake's arms.

Finally I broke through the dense vegetation and my feet hit the sand. I looked around and saw a group of people about 100 yards down the beach. Smiling to myself, I started walking over. As I got closer, I could see Embry, Seth and Paul playing football while Emily and Sam were sitting on a blanket watching them.

I stopped in my tracks when I saw Jacob sitting on a blanket with a girl. I watched as he played with her long brown hair and laughed at something she said. He brought his mouth, the mouth that kissed me, the one I had been dreaming about for the past month, to her neck and she smiled and snuggled closer to him.

"No," I whispered. This couldn't be happening. I turned around before he could see me and ran back through the trees to my truck. As I drove home, I cried harder than I ever had before. I had screwed Jake over too many times and he had finally grown some balls and walked away.

Once I got home, I wandered up to my bedroom and crashed face down on my bed. I had fucked up. As I laid there trying to smother myself with my pillow, the things I had done wrong began flashing through my head. It wasn't what I thought it'd be, it was taking Edward back in the first place after he'd left me. I should have trusted Jacob far more than I did. He'd always been truthful with me, treated me like an equal and loved me without abandon.

And I had thrown it all away.

My attempts at smothering myself weren't working. Giving up on that idea, I went downstairs to the kitchen and started pawing around Charlie's liquor cabinet. Finally settling on a full bottle of Jack Daniel's, I snuck out the back door and sat on the edge of the forest as I drank straight from the bottle. I winced as the harsh liquid ran down the back of my throat, and then took another gulp.

"Got any of that to share?" I heard from behind me. I didn't even have to turn around to know who it was.

"Think it would even affect you?"

"Sure it would. Well, at least for a little while, before my body burns it off." Wordlessly I lifted the bottle and as Embry sat down, he took a hefty swig. He handed the bottle back to me and I took another drink before passing it back.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, warmth beginning to spread throughout my body.

"I saw you at the beach today. I wanted to know why you were so upset about seeing Jake there with Brandy. You chose Edward. Why were you even there?"

I nearly choked on my mouthful of whiskey. "I didn't choose Edward. I told Edward that I didn't want to be the same Bella that he wanted me to be."

"You mean you broke it off with him?"

"Yeah, two weeks ago before I went to Jacksonville. I tried to tell Jacob, but he was never around. I guess I know why."

"Bella…"

"What's wrong with me, Embry? Why do people leave me when I need them?" The alcohol flowing in my system had definitely loosened my tongue. "Am I not a good person? Am I just not sexy enough?"

Embry

"What's wrong with me, Embry? Am I not a good person? Am I just not sexy enough?"

Oh shit. I gulped, then took the bottle from her and guzzled some Jack down. She was still looking at me, swaying slightly. "Uh, of course you're a good person. And pretty."

"Then why is he with someone else?" she slurred.

"He got tired of waiting. But Bella, he loves you. There is no doubt of that in my mind. And we both know that you love him."

"I do, Embry. I love him so much. I made so many mistakes with him, the worst being that I ever took Edward back in the first place. I love Jacob. I've loved him since I was little; I've loved him since I came back. I can't live without him anymore. I need him. And I don't know how to fix this. He seems so happy with that other girl, what's her face."

"Brandy."

"Yeah her. Think that he's with her because she's Native American like you guys are?"

"Bella, I highly doubt that."

"Did he imprint on her?"

"Um, no. I wouldn't be here if he did." I took another sip from the bottle before she yanked it back and took a pull. I took the bottle from her and drained the rest of it in one gulp.

"Hey!"

"I think you've had enough. Let's get you back to your house and to your bed before your dad comes looking for you and finds you out here with an empty bottle of Jack Daniels," I said, standing up and immediately feeling a bit woozy. I held my hand out and pulled her up to standing. We started to walk toward the house, but she was staggering around, so I took her hand hoping that would steady her at least a little bit. A quick peek in the house reassured me that Charlie had gone to bed, so I slung her over my shoulder and carried her up the stairs.

I deposited her on her bed, and she bounced off, falling off the edge. I burst into hysterical laughter when I saw her bewildered expression and then she started laughing too.

"Shh! Charlie!" I warned her. She immediately clapped her hand over her mouth, trying to stop the laughter, but a snort snuck through, which set me off again. Finally calming down, I sat on the bed and she climbed up from her spot on the floor.

"Embry, I'm drunk," she slurred, leaning her head on my shoulder.

"Yes, yes you are," I said, leaning against the headboard.

"Didya mean whatchu said when you said that Jake still loves me?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think he's serious about that slutty mcsluttypants?" she asked, lifting her head and looking up at me.

"I don't know. I think he wants to so he can be over you." Honesty was obviously the way to go here. She wouldn't remember it tomorrow anyway.

"I don't want him to be over me," she said, leaning her head back down against me. "Embry, will you stay with me tonight? I really hate sleeping alone."

Shit.

"Please?" she asked, gripping my arm.

I sighed. "Yeah, I'll stay with you." I just hoped that Jacob wouldn't chop my balls off for it. I was kind of attached to them.

I woke up the next morning sweating my nuts off in a room that wasn't mine. Disoriented, I looked around to figure out where I was. It was a room I'd never been in before. What the hell? I looked down at the brown hair that was fanned out over my chest and racked my brain to remember what the fuck had happened and who was currently sleeping on my chest.

Oh shit.

Bella fucking Swan was sleeping on top of me, and I was sleeping in her bed with her. Jacob was going to fucking kill me.

I glanced at the clock and saw that I was about to be late for our morning meeting. I eased Bella's head off me and slid out of her bed. I could hear Charlie puttering around in the hallway, so I made the decision to jump out the window, and then ran like a bat out of hell into the woods. I yanked my shorts off and phased into my wolf counterpart to find that everyone else was already present and accounted for.

There was silence when they found out where I was.

What the FUCK? Jacob yelled in my head. Why in the hell are you at Bella's? You got her drunk? If you hurt her, I will…

I didn't do anything, Jake! Fuck dude, for someone so smitten with Brandy, you sure care a lot about why I was with Bella.

Of course I care. Why are you even there? Where is Cullen?

I don't know. I just ran into her, and we…

You got her drunk? Are you insane?

She was already drinking, I just joined the party.

And stayed the night with her? Sleeping with her in her bed?

Why does it even matter, Jacob? You're with Brandy now.

It…it doesn't. I'm just pissed that you moved in.

Again, you are with someone else. Shouldn't matter.

Right, can we just move on and talk business here? Sam asked, interrupting the verbal war between the two of us. I have Emily waiting for me at home.

We went over some things, nothing important. Meeting was over in less than five minutes. I really wanted to get back to Bella before she woke up. I had a plan for the two of us.

Isn't there some kind of guy code that says that one guy shouldn't mack on his friend's ex? Seth wondered.

That's true, I thought. Sorry Jake. I couldn't help it. She was just…there.

If you hurt her, I will kill you. That's a fucking promise.

Oh I won't hurt her. I can only help, I thought, replaying Jacob's thoughts in my mind, only putting myself in his place.

Embry! I will string you up by your…

But I had already phased back and was pulling on my shorts, effectively getting Jacob out of my head. I jogged across the lawn, noting that Charlie's cruiser was gone. I let myself in the back door and hurried up to Bella's room. She was beginning to stir as I eased back onto the bed with her.

"Bella," I whispered softly in her ear. She opened her eyes and smiled, then realized who I was.

"What the fuck?" she said, sitting straight up. "What are you doing here? Oh, God. My head."

"Calm down, Bella. We got a little drunk last night, and you asked me to stay."

"I asked you…oh sweet baby Jesus. Did anything…did we…is there anything I have to know about last night? Did I…oh no."

I laughed. "No, Bella. There's nothing that you have to worry about. Fortunately for you, it was a PG rated evening. Well, except for the drinking."

"Oh thank heaven," she said, leaning back on her pillow.

"What, you don't want this sexy piece of ass?" I asked, feigning hurt. Her cheeks flamed bright red. "I'm kidding, Bella. Calm down. I wanted to tell you that I have a plan for you to get Jacob back."

"You do?" she screeched, jumping up before crashing back down and holding her head.

"Maybe you should just lay here for a second. Want me to get you some aspirin?"

"No, I want to hear this plan of yours."

"It's kind of out there. But I think that it will work perfectly…"


	17. So Much For Those Nefarious Plans

Hey everyone! Sorry that it's been so long since I updated. Good news: I finished the first part of nursing school, so you can now address me as Bex, LPN. Bad news: I still have four more classes to go until I finish the RN part. I'm on a short break from school right now so I am hoping to bust out the rest of this story before I go back. I realize that it's been almost two years since I started this story, and I want to thank everyone who has stuck with me all this time. Thank you for the reviews, for the recs on blogs and websites, and for the numerous emails and PMs I have received from readers, encouraging me. I love you all.

Thanks as always to mybrandofheroin and ysar.

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Chapter 17: So Much For That Nefarious Plan

Embry

"I have a plan for you to get Jacob back…"

Famous last words. What the fuck was I thinking? I must not value my balls, because I was sure that Jake was going to separate them from my body.

After telling Bella my nefarious plans, I left her house and headed back to the reservation. I went home to take a shower, then poured myself a bowl of cereal and sat on the porch, waiting for the inevitable visit from Jacob.

He didn't disappoint. His Volkswagon pulled up as I drank the leftover milk from my bowl. He got out of the car, sat down and stared at a tree for what felt like ten minutes before I asked him, "Did you come to stare at the foliage or did you want to talk about something specific?"

He turned to me. "What the fuck, Embry? Why Bella? I didn't even know she was around. Last I saw her, she was cozying up to the leech in front of her house. Then she took off, supposedly to Florida, but I figured that just meant she was going off to become a vamp. Now she's back, she's still human, and she's suddenly drinking with you. And sleeping with you? Even you have to admit that's messed up."

Sad panda Jacob had a point. "Look dude, I'm sorry I moved in. But you know, I always felt this…connection with Bella, and when I saw her in the woods last night, she just looked so lonely. Plus, the girl had a bottle of Jack. You know me when it comes to whiskey."

He said nothing, so I pressed on. "Besides, Jake, you're with Brandy now. You wanted to get over Bella. You're doing it, you're moving on. Let her move on too."

"So she's not with the bloodsucker anymore?" he asked, staring at his shoelaces like they held the answer to every question in the universe.

"Nope. They're trying to stay friends, they're still going to go to college in Alaska in the fall but she told me she doesn't want to be the Bella she was turning into when she was with him."

"Do you like her, Embry?" he asked, finally looking up at me.

Oh shit. "I'm enjoying exploring my options," I evaded. He rolled his eyes.

"I don't want her to get hurt. I want her to be happy."

"Even if it's not with you?" I asked.

"I think that ship sailed long ago."

"Not so long," I pointed out.

"Bella and I are over, just like this conversation. I won't interfere, Embry. I just wanted to come and tell you that."

Bullshit he wouldn't, I thought, hiding a grin. "Thanks, dude, I really appreciate that. She's special, ya know?"

"Yeah," he said, blowing out a breath. "She is."

We sat in silence for a little longer before he finally mumbled something about having to get out of here and tore out of my driveway like a bat out of hell. I grinned to myself. This was gonna be fun.

I had to give Jacob credit. Two weeks after I told him about me and Bella and he hadn't snapped, tried to kill me, or fallen for my scheme yet. I didn't know how I was going to break him. Bella was putting on a brave front, but I could tell she was starting to give up hope.

This fact made me want to shake her a little. Did she expect him just to run back to her? She had chosen the bloodsucker too many times to count and yeah, it was bound to have an effect on him. Finally, over a bottle of vodka I had stolen out of my mother's liquor cabinet, I told her this.

She looked at me with bloodshot eyes, tears threatening to fall. "Don't you think I know this? I've fucked up too many times to count. I just want him back, dammit."

"It isn't that easy, Bella. And I don't know how much longer we should do this," I said honestly. "He's my best friend and I feel bad for doing this because it's hurting him even more."

"Please, Embry," she begged, tears now running down her face. "Just give me a little more time."

I sighed as I took another pull from the bottle of Smirnoff. "Fine. Tomorrow is supposed to be really nice out, so a bunch of us are going to First Beach to play some football, barbecue, et cetera. Come with me as my date. Jake is going to be there, but I'm pretty sure Brandy will be there too. Are you okay with that?"

She took a deep breath. "I guess so. I should probably be nice to her, and it would be really great to see Emily again. It's been a…really long time." She took the bottle from me and put it to her lips, gulping the clear liquid down.

"Settle down there, lush," I said, taking the bottle back. She leaned her head on my shoulder.

"Do you think I even have a chance?" she hiccupped. I leaned my head against hers.

"I think so. He still loves you, Bell. He's just hurt. You said you loved him, and then you kept going back to your boyfriend, who just so happened to be his mortal enemy. I really think he'll come around, but I'm not sure if you and I 'being together' is really good for the whole coming around thing. He's pissed at both of us for not saying anything to him before getting together. I'm not saying it's your fault, not all of it. But that's kind of why I want to end this. I hate hurting him."

"I do too," she blubbered. Note to self: keep Bella away from vodka on the next drinking night. She becomes a tearful drunk.

"Okay then. Tomorrow we'll go for gold, and then conveniently we will break up next week. Deal?"

"Deal," she agreed, wiping the tears off her face. "Now, give me more vodka."

Laughing, I handed her the bottle and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. "You and me, Bella, we're two of a kind."

"Two of a fucked up kind," she replied, grinning over at me.

Early the next afternoon, Bella's truck came thundering into my driveway. I yelled to my mom that I was heading to the beach and then hopped in the passenger seat of Bella's truck.

"'Sup, B?" I greeted, kissing her on the cheek.

"Nothing," she muttered with a wince. "Massive hangover. Don't let me drink vodka ever again, okay?"

I laughed as I took in the oversized sunglasses and her pale cheeks. "I won't. Let's stop at the store before we go. I'll buy you something greasy to sop up all the alcohol."

Thirty minutes later we were pulling into the parking lot near the beach. I saw most of the pack was already there, spreading out blankets and setting up a grill. I grabbed the bags of food we had bought at the store and then pulled Bella behind me as I made our way down to where my friends were.

"Hey guys," Emily said, beaming at us. "Bella! It's been so long!" She enveloped Bella into a hug, and murmured something in her ear too low for me to catch. Bella gave Emily a smile in return and offered to help with the food. I went over to help the rest of the guys setting up the grill (it was like a bad joke: how many werewolves does it take to set up a charcoal grill?) and waited for the inevitable arrival of Jake and Brandy.

I didn't wait long. Jake came into view before Brandy did, and I could see his scowl from where I was standing, tossing the football with Jared. He nodded toward Emily and Bella, and I couldn't help but notice the falling of Bella's face when he stalked by without a word. Brandy walked down the embankment a minute later and walked over to where the girls were gathered at the grill. Bella's face was tense as she was introduced to Brandy and made small talk. She went to sit down on our blanket and I tossed the ball to Seth, telling him to take over. I walked over to her, and plopped down on the blanket. She grinned at me and handed me a can of orange soda.

I popped the lid and chugged half of it down before looking over at her. "You doing okay, B?"

"Yeah, I'm just not really good at making small talk with someone whose boyfriend I want to kidnap and do very naughty things with."

"Oh really," I said, squinting up at her against the sun. "What kind of naughty things?"

"If I told you, I would have to kill you. Let's just say that the goodies in my drawer are no longer scratching that itch, if you know what I mean."

I sputtered on the sip of orange soda I had just taken, and suddenly she was behind me, pounding on my back. "Sweet baby Jesus, Bella! You can't just say that shit to a guy when he's unsuspecting!"

"Sorry?" she tried, as she attempted to cover her grin.

"That's hot. Seriously though, if you ever need that itch scratched, let me know. I'd be more than willing to offer my services," I leered.

She pushed my shoulder, and rolled her eyes when I didn't move. "Freakishly strong werewolf," she muttered.

"Aw, come on. It's not my fault you're a pathetically weak excuse for a human."

"Hey Embry, we're going to play some football. Let's go!" Seth called. "You're with me and Jared. Skins, bitches!" I pulled my tee shirt over my head and tossed it at Bella, then leaned down and kissed her cheek.

"Cheer me on, babe," I called out over my shoulder. "I'll be sure to try and score a touchdown."

She blushed as she gave me the finger. I turned around and jogged toward the rest of the group. It was me, Jared, and Seth against Paul, Jacob, and Quil. We stepped up to the line and I saw Jacob's level gaze settle on me. Oh shit.

Jared snapped the ball, and Seth and I took off running. I turned and caught the ball when I heard Jared yell, and just as it fell into my hands, I was tackled from the side, landing hard on the ground. I looked up as Jacob leapt to his feet.

"Nice tackle, dude. Next time, can you try not to bust open my internal organs?"

He stalked back to his team without saying a word. Heh, this was gonna be fun.

The game was tied and by the smells coming from the grill that Sam was manning, it was almost time to eat. On the final play, Jared handed me the ball. I burst past Jacob and ran like a fat kid to a cake into the makeshift end zone. I chucked the ball down and walked over to where Bella was setting the assorted chips and salads onto a table. I grabbed her waist, dipped her back and kissed her soundly on the mouth with everything I had. The pack cheered behind me, but when I lifted Bella back up, I saw the stormy look on Jacob's face.

Yeah, I was going to die.

Bella's face was bright red, but she smiled up at me and congratulated me on the win before handing me a plate so I could pile up on burgers, hot dogs, and pasta salad. And chips. And maybe some chocolate cake too.

Afternoon turned to evening, and as the sky darkened, the group started to clean up and get ready to go. I went to where Bella was putting the lids on the leftovers and when she didn't say anything, I looked in the same direction as she was. Jacob and Brandy were sitting on the sand, kissing as if they were the only two people there. I looked back at Bella and saw her quickly wipe a tear from her cheek.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked quietly. She nodded and I called out to everyone that I was taking my woman home. Bella gave Emily and Sam hugs before waving half-heartedly at the rest of the pack, completely ignoring the two people in the sand. We headed up the embankment and she handed me the keys.

"Will you drive me home?" she asked quietly. I pulled her body close to mine and gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

"Sure I will. Don't get yourself too upset, Bella. I think this afternoon was a success, actually. Trust me."

She just gave me a look and climbed into the truck. The ride back to her house was silent, and she went inside with just a kiss on the cheek and a simple "thanks." I ran my hands through my hair as I sat on the front step.

What the fuck was I doing?

Bella

I walked into my house, surprised to find it dark. Switching on the light as I walked into the kitchen, I found a note on the fridge from my father telling me that one of his deputies had called out and so he was going to be working the night shift. Crumpling the note, I tossed it in the trash. Sure, most evenings Charlie and I just hung in the living room and silently watched television, but it would have been nice to not be alone.

I grabbed a can of Pepsi and a sleeve of Oreos before plopping down on the couch to flip through the channels with the remote. Finally settling on some stupid crime series, I munched on the cookies while I tried desperately not to think about Jacob.

What the fuck was I doing?

This whole ruse with Embry wasn't working, if anything it was upsetting Jacob even more than he already was. I saw his face when Embry tipped me back and kissed me after scoring the winning touchdown. He had been so angry. He hadn't spoken to me at all during the entire cookout. Emily told me to just be patient, that he was coming around, but I was pretty sure the lip lock I had shared with Embry erased all of that.

Guzzling down the rest of my soda, I turned the television off and went upstairs. I got myself ready for bed, putting on the shirt that had come home with me the night of Jacob's cooking debut, after the food fight and subsequent sex. Underneath the covers, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to imagine the times we had been together. I remembered what his fingers felt like when they ghosted over my skin and how his lips tasted like cherries.

My hand snaked down my shirt as I imagined his were doing it, pulling it up gently so I could pretend they were his fingers pinching my nipples softly, making them harden instantly. I ran my fingers around the stiff peaks, thinking of how he would run his tongue over them before pulling them into his mouth.

I traced down my skin to the elastic of my boy-shorts, remembering how he would always hesitate briefly, always silently asking for permission. Just like all the other times, I moaned to allow his entrance. As my fingers made their way under my panties, I fantasized that they were his fingers tracing over my already slick folds, that it was his fingers, his mouth flicking against my clit, rubbing the bundle of nerves as a thin sheen of sweat came over my body and my breathing quickened.

"Jacob," I breathed as the fingers that I wished were not my own slid inside my hot, wet center. My thumb brushed against my clit and I began pumping faster until my release came, sending me tumbling down with it.

"Am I interrupting something?" I heard from the window, and I sat up, gasping when I saw Jake in my room, leaning against the window frame.

I pushed a strand of hair out of my face, trying to catch my breath as I simply replied, "No."

He laughed and stepped into the room. "I think I was. Tell me, Bella, does your boyfriend know that when you're alone, you're calling out my name and not his?"

I huffed and stood up, adjusting my shirt as I did so. Jacob's eyes were focused on my legs and I stepped away from the bed to get his attention.

"What are you doing here, Jacob?" I asked, not attempting to hide the fact that I was obviously involved in some self-love before his rude appearance.

"Not interrupting a round of sweet lovemaking between you and Embry," he smirked.

"Shouldn't you be balls deep in Brandy about now?" I spat, crossing my arms over my chest, feeling the tee shirt rise on my legs with the movement.

"Later," he said with an air of dismissal as he took a step toward me.

"What do you want, Jacob?" I took an involuntary step back and hit my back against the wall. He stepped up to me and put his hands against the wall on either side of my head. My breath quickened at the feel of his warm breath against my neck.

"Do you know what it did to me to see you with Embry today? To see him touching you the way that I want to? To see his mouth on yours, when I know what your lips taste like and think about them every goddamn day? And seeing you smile up at him and laugh the way you used to with me? It fucking killed me, Bella. It took everything I had in me to not grab you around the waist and throw you over my shoulder and take off running somewhere where I could feel your body against mine." His hand reached down to stroke my arm and I shivered at his touch.

"You didn't seem to mind it when you were sticking your tongue down Brandy's fucking throat," I protested, and his hand stopped stroking and found its way back up by my head.

"You can't blame that shit on me, Bells. You were there, all flirty and making eyes at fucking Embry of all people. It was enough to make me sick."

"Or make you jealous," I taunted.

"Jealous? Please," he mocked as his fingertips traced over my forearm and up my bicep. "Does your skin break out into goose bumps when he touches you, like it does for me?"

He leaned down and brought his mouth to the place where my neck meets my collarbone. "Does he know that your nipples harden every time I kiss you here, and when I drag my tongue over your collarbone like this," he did so and my back arched, pressing my hips against his. "That you do that?"

I squeaked in response as his hand moved to the apex of my thighs. "Has he heard the sound you let out when I cup you like this? Or the moan you let out every time I move my hand under those panties of yours?"

The unplanned moan that slipped out from my lips had him smirking in response. I felt my panties being pushed down. "Does he know that when you're kissed right here behind your knees that you'll lift your leg without even meaning to?" As he did it, I couldn't help but have the response that he knew I would. "Has he gotten a taste of your sweet juices, Bella?"

I shook my head. "Answer me, Bella."

"No, Jacob. He hasn't." His tongue lightly traced along my slit, already wet and waiting for him. I whimpered at the sensation of his mouth on me as he nipped at my clit. Too soon, he stood back up, dropping his pants around his ankles and positioning himself at my entrance.

"Has he filled your tight pussy with his cock, Bella?"

"No, Jacob. Only you," I replied, unable to breathe or think as he slid into me. "Oh, God, Jacob…"

He roughly pushed me against the wall. "This is why I'm not jealous," he said, looking into my eyes. "Because I know that no one can make you scream their name like I make you scream mine." He plunged into me again, and I dug my nails into the skin on his back. I kissed his shoulders, his neck, his face, anything I could get my lips on as he thrust into me over and over and chanted my name. He pulled my hair back and as I tilted my head to follow, his mouth found the hollow of my throat. I hummed with pleasure, feeling the ball of tension slowly starting to leave my stomach and as I came around his cock, I screamed his name. He followed a second later, groaning as he did so.

We stood there, chests heaving. He brought his forehead to rest on mine, eyes closed. "Bella," he whispered, running the tips of his fingers over the leg that was wrapped around his waist. I didn't say anything, for the life of me I couldn't think of anything that would make this any better or any easier for either one of us.

It dawned on me: this time it was me on the other side. I was the one helping the person in a relationship to cheat. I was "the other woman," and I hated the feeling. I wanted to tell Jacob to stay. I wanted to tell him I loved him and that I never wanted him to leave me ever again. I wanted to tell him all the things he had been telling me for the past several months.

He slowly eased out of me, and I found myself wanting as soon as he did. He pulled his pants up and handed me my panties, not looking me in the eye.

"Jacob," I started, taking the black shorts out of his hand.

"I should go," he said, still not looking at me. "I'm sorry, Bells. It's just…I should go." With that, he was out my window in a flash. I ran to the frame in an attempt to catch him, but he was running across the lawn and into the night before I could even call his name.

With my panties still in hand, I flopped on the bed.

What the fuck had I done?

* * *

make sure you follow me on twitter! I'm beckiey8. I tweet randomly about fanfic, life, Glee (it's my new obsession), Mark Salling (sweet babeh jeebus, have you seen that man?), and nursing school. I also get drunk and randomly tweet followers. Make sure to me so i follow you back :)


	18. What Had I Done?

should have another chapter up next week, we're coming to the end.

***news! i'm now a beta at Sparkly Red Pen! come to us with all your betaing needs!

i do not own twilight. seriously. if i did, do you think i'd be writing fan-fic?

* * *

Chapter 18: What Had I Done?

Bella

Rain pounded against the windows, waking me from my fitful slumber. As I laid there listening to the sound of the water hitting the glass, I asked myself the same question that had been plaguing me throughout the night, keeping me from falling into a deep sleep.

What had I done?

Part of me was ridiculously happy. I had felt Jacob's body against mine, enjoyed his kisses on my body and the feel of him inside me. Unfortunately, a bigger part of me couldn't absolve myself of the guilt, because I had mind-blowingly, amazingly hot sex with someone's boyfriend. Out there was a girl sleeping happily in the arms of the man I loved – a man she thought would always be true to her. He had sex with me, and then went back to her.

If Jacob had ever wanted me to know what it felt like to be him, he sure as hell succeeded.

I felt dirty. I felt used, and I felt just wrong. It made me really angry, because I hated feeling this way. I wanted Jacob for myself. I didn't want to be something he kept on the down low, sneaking in every time he needed an itch scratched. I wanted to be the woman he was proud to introduce as his other half to people he knew, to his friends and family.

I was now Jake's dirty little secret, much like he had been mine.

My phone rang from its place on the nightstand, and I answered it glumly.

"Sup, B?" Embry's voice rang out cheerfully.

"Nothing," I replied, not bothering to hide my gloom.

"Wow, you sound awesome. Listen, Emily wanted me to bring you over to her house this morning. We're all getting together for breakfast. How soon can you be ready?"

"Em, I don't really feel like…"

"Come on, B, Jake will be there," he said in a sing-song voice. Oh shit. Then I definitely did not want to attend.

"Really, Embry, I don't think that's such a good…"

"Bella, tell you what. Shut the fuck up, get out of bed, and get ready. I'll be there in a half hour to pick you up."

"Embry, there's something I need to tell you," I tried.

"So tell me in the car. Seriously. I'll be there in a bit." He hung up on me and I was left with my phone in my hand, staring at it as if I could reach through the thing and strangle the man-child on the other end. I forced myself to throw my blankets off and stumbled into the bathroom to take a shower.

I looked in the mirror as I pulled Jacob's shirt over my head. I noticed bruises on my thighs in the shape of Jacob's hands, and two small marks on my breasts that hadn't been there before. As I met my gaze in the reflection, I was startled to see the empty look in my eyes. I hated that expression, it reminded me of the weak woman I had been when Edward left.

I wasn't a weak woman anymore. I wasn't Edward's Bella, I wasn't Jacob's Bella. I didn't need a man to make me happy. I could get over this, I could move on if Jacob had moved on. I loved him, but I could go on. My life didn't have to end.

Good inner pep-talk, I commended myself as I started the water.

Twenty minutes later, I was brushing out my wet hair when I heard Embry calling my name from downstairs. I pulled my hair back into a pony tail and checked myself out in the mirror. I had played with my makeup a little, and had maybe put on a jean skirt and a shirt that I knew made me look good. And so what if maybe I left an extra button open? It wasn't because Jake was going to be there. I was just beginning to maybe care a little bit more about how I looked.

Right. It was totally because Jake was going to be there, most likely with his perfect little Quileute girlfriend. If I was going to be subjected to witnessing Jacob all over his newest fling after he fucked me like I was a random whore, I was going to look good, damn it.

I couldn't really figure out my own logic, but whatever. I was hot.

"Holy hell, Bells!" Embry said, his mouth falling open as I walked down the stairs and grabbed the keys from the table inside the entryway.

"What?" I asked, feigning innocence as I stuffed my phone in the front pocket of my skirt.

"Hot damn!" he exclaimed, looking me over once, and then twice.

"Call, my eyes are up here," I retorted, putting my hand on my hip. I was rewarded with a brief flash of pink settling on his features, but too soon it was gone and replaced with a lecherous grin.

"You have eyes?" he asked, and I quickly reached out and tweaked his nipple. He laughed, and I couldn't help but giggle back in response. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me out the front door, leading me to my truck and taking my keys from my hand before I even had a chance to fight him.

"You ready for this?" he asked, throwing the car in reverse and swinging out of the driveway. As he shifted into first and spun the tires against the wet ground, I caught a flash of brown out of the corner of my eye. I looked in the direction that it had come from, but there was nothing there. Dismissing it, I nodded.

"Let's do this shit."

I am Bella's Bella.

Embry

Rain pounded against the windows, waking me from my fitful slumber. As I laid there listening to the sound of the water hitting the glass, I asked myself the same question that had been plaguing me throughout the night, keeping me from falling into a deep sleep.

What had I done?

I had screwed over my best friend, even though in the beginning I was simply trying to get him to see that Bella was over Edward and ready to move on. Jacob had fought his relationship with Bella far too much, yet he still stayed with Brandy. I had been sure he'd drop Brandy as soon as he saw Bells with me, but he was so fucking stubborn, and so I had continued with the plan.

And now I was starting to fall for Bella Swan.

Fuck my life.

We were going to conveniently break up this…whatever we had, but I was really enjoying myself. Bella was actually pretty fun to be around, when she wasn't being all mopey and shit. She was an awesome drinking partner and she made me laugh. Yesterday, when I had kissed her, she had been shocked at first, but then she kissed me back, and I realized that I wanted her too.

Unfortunately, I couldn't have her. She wasn't mine to have.

Groaning, I rolled over and grabbed my phone from the pocket of my jeans that had been unceremoniously dropped on the floor last night when I finally got home from Bella's. When I picked it up, I saw a text from Sam (wait, when did he get a phone, much less text? Weird…) that said Emily wanted us over for breakfast this morning.

Shrugging, I texted back to let him know that Bella and I would be there, and then scrolled through my contacts to find Bella's name. I hesitated for a minute before I pressed on the button and it started ringing.

"Hello?" she answered in a dull voice.

"Sup, B?" I forced, trying to be the happy-go-lucky friend.

"Nothing," she replied, sounding really sad and out of it.

"Wow, you sound awesome," I said, never one to butter up a woman. The sound of a snort came from the other end of the conversation and I grinned. "Listen, Emily wanted me to bring you over to her house this morning. We're all getting together for breakfast. How soon can you be ready?"

"Em, I don't really feel like…"

"Come on, B, Jake will be there," I pleaded in a sing-song voice. Seriously, did I want to spend time with this chick so bad that I was resorting to using my best friend who she happened to be in love with even though she was (fake) dating me?

Something was seriously fucked with my brain.

"Really, Embry, I don't think that's such a good…" she tried again to say no, but by this point, I'd had it. I was taking Bella to that breakfast, dammit, even if it was kicking, screaming, and preferably half-dressed.

"Bella, tell you what. Shut the fuck up, get out of bed, and get ready. I'll be there in a half hour to pick you up."

"Embry, there's something I need to tell you," she started, but I kind of had a feeling that I didn't want to hear it, so I continued.

"So tell me in the car. Seriously. I'll be there in a bit." Without waiting for her to respond, I hung up and tossed the phone on my television stand. I hopped out of bed and practically skipped to the bathroom so I could shower and get ready.

It wasn't because I was happy that I was going to see Bella, and that maybe Bella would see Jacob and Brandy together and give up and decide that she had enjoyed this time with me more than she thought she would and suddenly profess…well, not her undying love for me, but perhaps her urgent need to get into my pants. It wasn't that I enjoyed seeing the jealousy on Jacob's face because I had something that he wanted and couldn't have…

I was just really excited about Emily's muffins.

Hey, if my mind wanted to believe that I was just excited about some sugary breakfast item, I figured I was going to let it.

Unfortunately, all thoughts of food went out the window when, a half hour later, my mom was dropping me off at Bella's on her way to work. I let myself in, knowing the chief left the door unlocked. I called up to her and then…then she was coming down the stairs. All I could see was leg, hardly covered by a tiny little jean skirt, and a white button up shirt. Her eyes were all smoky and shit and her hair was pulled up, displaying her long neck that I suddenly had an urge to kiss lightly. When she turned to grab her keys, I noticed her shirt gape and I got a good view of a lacy red bra.

I was pretty sure that all my blood had suddenly raced to my nether region and I was staring at her chest, hoping for another view of that sexy lace when I heard her chuckle lightly.

"Call, my eyes are up here." I quickly moved my eyes from her chest to her eyes, and felt my face warming. Shocked, I started an inner monologue that mainly consisted of "pull yourself together, man," and my blush morphed into a wolfy grin when I got myself back.

"You have eyes?" I asked innocently, and she gawked for a second before grinning and grabbing my nipple. I couldn't help but laugh, and her giggles burst out. Still smiling, I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her out the door to her truck. I pulled the keys out of her hand before she even realized what I had done, and opened the passenger side door for her. She rolled her eyes but stepped into the truck and buckled up while I got in and started the engine.

"You ready for this?" I asked, throwing the car in reverse and swinging out of the driveway. I had always loved the power of this truck, and I was really enjoying getting the chance to drive it. I quickly grabbed the gearshift and slammed it into first, hitting the throttle and hearing the tires spin on the wet asphalt. I glanced over at her and she was nodding a little, almost to herself.

"Let's do this shit," she said bravely, and I grinned at her.

Let's do this indeed.

Jacob

Rain pounded against the windows, waking me from my fitful slumber. As I laid there listening to the sound of the water hitting the glass, I asked myself the same question that had been plaguing me throughout the night, keeping me from falling into a deep sleep.

What had I done?

I turned to my side and saw Brandy sleeping peacefully beside me. Her black hair was spread out on the pillow, and as I looked at her, I realized that while she was beautiful, she was a great girl, and she was fun to be around (plus, she was always willing to give it up), she wasn't the girl who I wanted to be waking up next to. I squinted my eyes, and suddenly the black hair turned brown, her tan skin lightened, and her bottom lip became pouty.

Shaking my head, I ran my hand over my face and rubbed my eyes.

Last night, I fucked my best friend's girl while my own girl waited for me to come over after I had given her some piss-poor excuse of having to run patrols before settling in for the night. Truthfully, I had needed a run. I focused on the beat of my paws on the ground, trying to avoid thinking of how beautiful Bella looked in her red bikini, her hair blowing gently in the wind, her brown eyes peeking over those big sunglasses. I couldn't let myself think about how she smiled at Embry, when she should have been smiling at me like that.

Without realizing it, I had ended up in the woods outside Bella's house. I could smell her arousal, and I was about to leave when I realized that she was alone.

I'm a guy, okay? That shit is hot. I climbed up to her window and let myself in, just as she sighed my name as she got off.

It was like I was possessed, I didn't know what I was doing when I backed her up against that wall and told her that it was killing me to see her with my best friend. I didn't know how it went from me telling her I was jealous to me being balls deep in her, saying her name over and over before emptying in her.

Yet here I was, in bed with the woman who I had been seeing for several weeks, who had told me she was falling for me, who cooked me breakfast in her tiny kitchen and smiled up at me like the sun shone out of my asshole.

If Bella had ever wanted me to know what it felt like to be her, she sure as hell succeeded.

I felt dirty. I felt used, and I felt just fucking wrong. It made me really angry, because I hated feeling this way, hated knowing that I had inadvertently hurt Brandy without a second thought. She didn't know it, and she had been asleep by the time I had let myself into the little house she was renting not far from Emily's. I had taken a shower, not wanting to go to bed with my girlfriend smelling like the girl that I couldn't get out of my head.

I stood there in the shower with my head against the cool tile, trying not to think about the look in Bella's eyes, the feel of her skin, and how incredible it felt to be inside her again, how I fit perfectly inside her, and how our bodies moved in perfect synchronization. I turned the knob of the shower roughly. Obviously a cold shower wasn't helping. I got out, dried off and wiped the fogged up bathroom mirror before grabbing my toothbrush and spreading toothpaste on it. Looking up to see my reflection in the mirror, I was startled to see the miserable expression on my face.

Startled, because it was how Bella looked when she told me she was going to be with Edward. It was the "I love you but…" face.

Fuck.

Fast forward to now, when I was laying in the bed of the woman who had put all her trust in me, and I had fucked it up. For what? Revenge? Jealous rage?

I heard my phone give the beep of a new text message, and I dove for it to make sure that it wasn't Bella. Brandy stirred behind me as I flipped it open to find a text message from…Sam? What the fuck?

_Emily is making breakfast and wants everyone here. _

Aw, damn. I was really hoping to avoid seeing Embry. I couldn't figure out if I wanted to apologize for macking on his girl, or punch him in the face for macking on mine.

Not that Bella was my girl or anything.

Brandy's hand touched my shoulder and I jumped before turning around. She was grinning over at me.

"Who was that?"

"Sam," I answered. "Emily invited us over for breakfast. Want to go?"

"Oh, I wish I could, but I have to go into the bakery today." She did part time bookkeeping for the bakery in Forks, and worked crazy hours.

"That sucks," I said. "Maybe I should just go home…"

"No, you go. Emily wants you there, and I'll be at work for most of the day. Have fun with your friends. I love you," she said, and I just sat there like an idiot. She stretched as she stood up from the bed, and I couldn't even enjoy the tiny pair of underwear that peeked out from under the long tee shirt she was wearing, because I was thinking of a different set of panties, a black pair, that had been hiding under my shirt just last night...on someone else's body.

Seriously. Fuck my life.

"Jacob?" she asked, turning to me. "Are you all right? I didn't mean to say…"

"No, no, it's okay," I stuttered, forcing a smile at her.

"Want to join me in the shower?" she asked, raising her brow as she started to walk out of the bedroom, knowing that I would say yes.

"Uh, I have to go. You know, home to get some clothes and shit. Um, yeah." I stood up and adjusted the sweats I had slept in and grabbed my shirt and shoes. "So, I'll see you later?"

Her eyes widened and a confused expression came over her face. "Yes, but…"

"I'll call you later," I said, kissing her on the cheek as I practically ran out of the bedroom and the house. I pulled my sneakers on and started jogging to my house, then realized it wasn't enough and went into the woods to phase so I could get a better run.

Just like last night, I found myself at Bella's. I phased back to my human form and pulled on my clothes. I started walking out of the woods when I noticed Embry's mom dropping him off outside Bella's house. He walked up to the front door and just walked in.

Motherfucker.

Feeling a little stalker-ish, á la Edward Cullen, I stood by the porch within hearing range but out of sight. I heard Bella thundering down the stairs, and Embry's quick wheeze.

"Holy hell, Bells!" Embry's voice carried over.

"What?" I heard Bella ask.

"Hot damn!" What was going on? I wondered. I peeked over the edge of the porch and saw what had Embry bumbling like an idiot.

Bella had unearthed some new clothes, and she was looking fucking fine.

"Call, my eyes are up here," she retorted, and rage built up inside me. What was he thinking, staring at her like that?

"You have eyes?" he asked. Fury was threatening to spill over and I was about to take out the fucker when I heard the two of them laughing. I ducked down when he pulled her out of the house, arm wrapped around her as if she was his possession. He grabbed the keys out of her hand and helped her into the cab of the truck. And she just let him!

I couldn't deal with this shit. Since Embry was here, that probably meant they were going out instead of going to Emily's. I hastily phased and left, unsure of why I had gone there in the first place.

Bella

I distinctly remembered that I had told Embry I needed to tell him something, but when we were driving down the road and I started to, he completely changed the subject and prattled on for the entire ride about some random video game that he and Jared were playing online. I had tried to hold interest in whatever the hell he was talking about (I got lost when he started talking about druids and mages) and finally ended up just nodding and saying "really" and "that's awesome," but something seemed off and I couldn't put my finger on it. We finally pulled into Sam and Emily's driveway and after putting the truck in park, Embry hurried over to my door to help me out. I looked at him curiously, wondering what was going on. It was really strange between us today. Like, he was being almost…chivalrous. It was something I had come to expect from Edward, and sometimes Jake, but Embry always treated me like I was one of the guys.

He acted as if it was completely normal for him to act this way and ignored my questioning glance. He opened the front door for me and I stepped into the kitchen, taking a deep breath of the cinnamon smell.

"Bella!" Emily cried, and I looked into the living room to see Jacob's head snap up from whatever they were watching in the living room. His eyes were filled with surprise before they took on the empty "Sam look" that I despised. I smiled over at Emily and returned her hug before following her over to the stove to help her with the rest of breakfast. Embry just grinned over at me before going into the living room to sit on the couch with Jared and Sam.

Ten minutes later, Emily was calling the boys into the kitchen and putting cinnamon buns the size of my head on the table. I opened the fridge and started looking for the ketchup because apparently Seth could only eat scrambled eggs with ketchup on them. I bent down to look on the lowest shelf and I heard a whistle from behind me.

"Holy shit, Bells! Nice handprints! Did Embry get rough with you last night?" Paul taunted. I stood up quickly and felt my face heat up as I glanced over at Jacob, whose eyes had widened at the sight of the bruises on my legs.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Paul. I got these when I bumped my bookcase last night on my way to the bathroom," I lied, moving my focus from Jacob to Paul. He smirked.

"Sure, B. You keep tellin' yourself that. Good job, man," Paul said, holding up his hand to give Embry five.

When I finally looked at Embry, his expression was impossible to read. He knew that he didn't put those bruises there, but did he know who did? And if he did (which was probably the case), would he give it away? He shook his head slightly and held his hand up so Paul could give him the mother of all fives. I winced at the sound, and pulled the now easily visible ketchup off the shelf before setting it in front of Seth. I snuck another look at Jacob and he looked apologetic. I wanted to say something to him, but I couldn't. I turned before he could avert his gaze, and handed Embry a plate, pretending to not notice his pleading eyes.

No one noticed anything was amiss other than the three of us, and I stiffly sat next to Embry as I picked at my cinnamon bun and sausage. I didn't really pay much attention to the conversation around me, ignored the glances from Jacob and Embry, and excused myself to start cleaning before I ended up making a fool out of myself by blurting something inappropriate out. You know, like "Embry and I have set up this whole relationship thing up to make Jake jealous and it worked-last night he fucked the shit out of me and that's how I got these bruises" or something along those lines.

The boys finished their food and brought their dishes out to me before heading back into the living room. Embry leveled me a "we'll talk later" glare before leaving me alone in the kitchen. I scrubbed the pan viciously, taking my frustrations out on the leftover grease.

"Bells," I heard whispered softly behind me. I turned quickly, and found Jacob just inches away from me.

"Jake," I sighed.

"Are you okay? Do they…do they hurt?"

I ran my hand absentmindedly over the bruise on my thigh. "No, they don't. I didn't even notice them until earlier, right as I was getting into the shower…" But mentioning the shower made me think of showering with him at his house, and my face flushed.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, leaning his forehead to mine, and I sighed softly at the contact.

"It was worth it," I murmured back. He closed his eyes and pulled away from me, his softness disappeared and the anger began to return.

"Was it? Was it really?" He argued, and walked out of the house into the rain, leaving me alone in the kitchen with a dripping sponge in my hand.


	19. I'll See You Soon, Okay?

the final chapter is with meg, my brilliant beta. big thank you to my prereader for last chap, this chap and the final chap, liljules. i love you hard, bb.

i'm now a beta at Sparkly Red Pen! come to us with all your betaing needs!

i do not own twilight. i promise.

* * *

Chapter 19

Bella

After Jacob stormed out, I tossed the sponge into the sink without a second thought and ran out into the rain after him.

"Jacob!" I cried, but he kept walking, seemly oblivious to the rain. Before I knew what I was doing, I was sprinting after him. I noticed a pair of shoes strewn on the ground, several feet later was his shirt. I ran harder, faster and finally caught him.

"Jake, wait, I can…"

He spun around, startling me with his sudden stop. I wasn't prepared, so I ran right into him.

"You can what, Bella? You can fix this? You take it all back so it never even happened? You can take all the guilt that I'm feeling from cheating on my girlfriend away? She told me that she loved me today, Bells. That she loves me, and I couldn't say it back, because I felt so ashamed because I went to her house after fucking you. I couldn't say it, because I'm still so fucked up from everything you've done to me that I don't know if I'll ever be able to love anyone else ever again."

"No, it's not like that," I whispered.

"Oh, then can you take away the guilt that I'm feeling from fucking my best friend's girlfriend away? Because not only did I cheat on my girl, I cheated with my best friend's fucking girlfriend. I can't even look at him, because I'm not sure if I should beg for his forgiveness or if I should punch him in the face for knowing this would happen. I don't know how to treat you, either. Do I pretend like this never happened, that you and I never had anything at all? That you never existed?"

"You could do that?" I asked, my heart breaking.

"Fuck," he cursed, running his hand through his wet hair. He turned as if he was going to run again, and then stopped himself.

"No, Bella. I can't. I can't get you out of my head. You're fucking everywhere. When I close my eyes, I see your face. When I kiss Brandy, it's your lips I want to kiss. When I'm in the shower, I remember what it felt like to taste the water dripping from your skin. I can't even fucking be in my kitchen without wishing you were there."

He stepped up to me, and softly brought his hand to my face. "You are in my every thought, all day, every day. I just…wish it would stop, so I can move on." With that, he stepped away and started to jog away again.

"Jacob!" I bellowed, standing firm in my place. He turned, about twenty-five feet away from me, shaking as if he was going to phase. I wondered if it was like this when Sam accidentally hurt Emily.

"What more is there to say, Bella?" he hollered back.

"Did you really mean it when you said you can't get me out of your head?"

"Does it matter?"

"Jacob!"

"Bella! Why the fuck does it matter?"

"Because I want to know if that means you still love me as much as I love you!" I shrieked at him, throwing my hands up in the air in defeat. His trembling body stopped moving, I wondered briefly if he was breathing.

"What do you mean, you love me?" he asked, almost too softly for me to hear him.

"I love you; I think I've loved you since forever. Since we were little and you brought me dandelions. Since you flashed that smile at me. Since you made me whole again. Since you kissed me. Take your pick, Jacob. I did. And I picked you."

"Bells…" he whispered, his voice carrying on the wind. I ran to him and threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and tangling my hands in his rain-soaked hair as I brought my mouth to meet his.

His mouth was motionless for a moment, before he started kissing me back. I ran the tip of my tongue over his bottom lip and he willingly opened his mouth to allow me access. His tongue danced against mine as he moaned my name against my lips. He pulled me flush against him, and lifted me into his arms. I pulled away and kissed along his jaw line, stroking my tongue down his neck, following the trail of raindrops against his warm skin.

He tugged my hair, and as I leaned back with the force, he brought his mouth to mine again. I gasped as he nipped at my lip, and then sighed as he soothed the stab of pain when he flicked his tongue against it. Our tongues met again and I began to wonder why the rain wasn't cooling the fire burning within me.

"I love you," I murmured softly against his lips. "It was always you…"

He suddenly pulled himself away, and I had to catch myself to keep from falling as his hands fell from my waist.

"I'm sorry, Bells, I can't…I can't do this," he stated roughly, before turning away and phasing, leaving me covered in shreds of wet sweatpants, my tears mixing with the rain.

Jacob

I ran as fast as I could away from Bella, ignoring the urge to go back to comfort her, reminding myself that she had never come back to comfort me, not once during our "relationship" or whatever it was. I didn't know what to say to her, if I returned her feelings (though I was sure I did), or if I wanted to express those feelings if I did return them. Would I just end up hurt again? What would happen when she left in six weeks to go to college in Alaska? That fucking leech would still be around, always there, even if he wasn't now. What would happen then? Would she realize that he was better for her, since I would still be here?

With Brandy, things were safe. I knew she wasn't going anywhere, and even if I didn't love her yet, that didn't mean I wouldn't, right? I mean I could get over Bella and move on to someone else…or could I? I hadn't been lying when I said I couldn't get her out of my head. She was always fucking there.

How long had I waited for Bella to tell me that she had chosen me, that I was the one she was destined to be with? Practically all my life, if I was being honest with myself. I was pathetic, always waiting in the wings just hoping for my chance to shine.

Now I had it, and I walked away.

She was my best friend's girlfriend. She shouldn't be telling me that she loved me, and I shouldn't be kissing her like that. While I had loved Bella since I was young, I had known Embry all my life. He was my best friend, my brother, and I hated that I was hurting him, even if he didn't know it.

_Jacob_, I heard Embry's voice say in my head. I tried to ignore it._ Jacob, you get your scrawny ass to my house now. _

_Don't you think you fucking owe me this?_

I met him at his house, and phased back when I noticed him sitting on his porch, seemingly oblivious to the rain. He stood up as I approached him, and before I could even react, he was punching me in the face. I felt my cheekbone break with the force of the hit.

"I deserved that," I said, rubbing my face.

"You deserve more than that, but I think you get the idea."

"Look, Em…"

"No, you look, Jacob. There's a lot you don't know about what's going on between me and Bella, but regardless of that, you fucked my girlfriend last night, while your girlfriend was waiting for you at her house. Not only that, but to add insult to injury, you couldn't keep your goddamn hands to yourself, and you kissed her while I was sitting in the house, waiting for the two of you to come and watch the stupid 'Dances with Wolves' movie Emily was making us watch."

"Embry, I can explain…"

"Explain? Fuck off dude. Let me explain something to you. That first night? When Bella and I were drinking and I stayed at her house? Nothing happened. She had gone to the beach as soon as she got back from her mom's house in Jacksonville, so she could tell you that she had broken up with Edward. She had been trying to call you for weeks, but you wouldn't pick up your phone because you were too far up Brandy's ass, trying to get over Bella."

"But you…"

"Yeah, I introduced you, because I knew she was easy and you'd get laid, not because I wanted you to have a fucking relationship with her. She's one of those love 'em and leave 'em girls," Embry sneered, and even though I knew I wasn't in love with her, that was still my girlfriend he was talking about. I lunged for him, but he dodged out of the way.

"She had gone to the beach," he continued loudly, as if I hadn't moved at all, as if he hadn't just insulted the woman that I was dating. "And she saw you with her, and her heart was broken. I noticed her even though you didn't, and I went chasing after her, found her in the woods with a bottle of Jack she had stolen from Charlie. She told me what had happened, and then I told her I had a plan, that if she pretended to date me, it would make you crazy with jealousy and you'd go back to her."

"Fan-fucking-tastic idea, bro. Your brilliant plan worked. Are you happy?"

"No," he admitted, all the anger dissipating from his face and his shoulders slumping in defeat, leaving one very broken man standing in front of me. "I'm fucking miserable."

"What? Why? All your scheming worked, and I was so filled with jealousy that I fucked up my life when I screwed Bella instead of just staying away like I had been trying to. Why would that make you miserable?"

"Because I started having feelings for her too, asshat!" He exploded, and then turned away from me. I couldn't stop my jaw from dropping.

"You…Bella…"

He turned back to me, the fire back in his eyes. "Is that so hard for you to believe? That someone else besides you and Cullen could actually see her for who she is? She's fucking awesome, okay? She makes me laugh, and she makes me feel good about myself. She's beautiful and fun to be around, especially when she's drinking…as long as it isn't vodka. Shit, man, I like her, but she's doesn't know it, she can't see it, because she can't see anyone past you!"

"Embry, I…" I stopped, unsure of what to say. Should I apologize? Should I try for that one-armed man hug in an attempt to comfort him? Should I punch him in the face? What the fuck was I supposed to do here?

He sighed and sat down hard on the steps that led to his front door. "Look man, we were going to be ending this whole little farce of a relationship this week anyway. I told her that I was tired of seeing you hurting, because you sit around and mope all the time. You've changed, Jake, and not for the better. I'm done with it. If you want her, tell her. If you've decided that it's truly over between you two, let her go, dude. She deserves better than this, deserves to be treated like a fucking queen, because that's what she is. She's changed too, but she's changed for the better. She's trying to be a better person, trying to get her life on track and stop being dependent on whoever she's with. If that's what you're looking for, then fucking go for it. If not, just be done."

"I don't know what I want," I admitted.

"Then maybe you should take some time alone to figure that out. Just leave her the hell alone until you do, it messes with her head."

"And she doesn't mess with mine?" I shot back, feeling defensive.

"I'm not saying she doesn't," Embry said, standing up and starting to walk to the woods. "Good luck, dude. Let me know what you decide." With that, he stepped into the dense forest and was gone. I sat down hard on the wooden step.

Fuck.

I really didn't know what to do. I knew that I should go to Brandy's and tell her what had happened with Bella, and either beg her to forgive me or end things with her. Regardless of what I decided to do with Bella, I at least owed Brandy an explanation and an apology.

Thirty minutes later, I was facing a tear stricken Brandy, who had just punted my family jewels with such force that it would have made most NFL kickers jealous. As I fell to my knees from the force of the wallop against my nut sack, trying to overcome the urge to throw up cinnamon bun chunks, I realized that I really didn't like her, and that Embry was right. She was definitely a "love 'em and leave 'em" girl.

I choked back the stray tear of pain and anguish and stood back up. As I did so, I said in a voice slightly higher-pitched than normal, "is that all you've got?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" she asked, with a glint of insanity in her eye. When she went for my love spuds again, I dove behind the couch.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay! I just…I don't really know what I was thinking. I was trying to get over her, and I thought you might help with that…" A table lamp sailed dangerously close to my head.

"Are you insane?" I yelled, and a stiletto breezed past my bicep.

"Get out!" she screamed. "I hate you! I never want to see you ever again!"

"Wow, you went from loving me this morning to hating me this afternoon? That was fast," I pointed out. She screeched, and as a large vase came sailing in my direction, I decided it was time to get the hell out of there before I ended up missing a nipple or something.

"You're a piece of shit, Jacob Black!" She screamed at my retreating form as I escaped through the kitchen door. "I faked it!"

"Bullshit," I called back over my shoulder, and laughed to myself as she screeched in frustration. I felt oddly free. I was back to being my own man, free to make my own decisions, and to scratch my balls without fear of repercussion.

As I jogged away from her house in the direction of my own, I began to think about what Embry had said. Did I want to be done with Bella? Did I want her back in my life, to finally be that piece of me that I felt had been missing all along?

The relationship between us was fucked up from the start. When I was young, I would wait all year for the two-week vacation that Billy, Rebecca, Rachel, and I would take with Charlie and Bella, just so I could see her. When she threw that big hissy fit about not coming up to Washington anymore, my prepubescent heart broke at the thought of never seeing her again.

When she moved back, I thought we'd be able to pick back up to how it had been, but she had been sucked into the leech's life, and I had been dragged into it without a second thought to my well-being. I had been firmly placed in the "friend zone" and I dealt with it as best I could until I finally made her realize she loved me as much as I loved her.

Perhaps I could have gone about it differently, but what was done was done.

"I want to know if that means you still love me as much as I love you!" Her words echoed in my head repeatedly.

Did I? Was it too late, or did she get to me just in time? Was there a chance for the two of us finally to live happily ever after?

As I noticed my house in the distance, I sped up. I needed to go talk to her, and I had to do it right now. Running through the rain to the garage, I grabbed the keys to my car and hopped in, slamming the door behind me as I started the engine.

I saw Billy roll out onto the porch and wave his arms, but I didn't stop to see why he was trying to get my attention. I had to get to Bella, I would see what it was he wanted later. I drove to Sam and Emily's, but her truck wasn't there. I reached in my pocket to pull out my cell phone so I could call her and find out where she was, but I came up empty before I remembered I had taken it out of my pocket at Sam and Emily's, where it was most likely sitting on the end table next to the couch.

I checked my gas level, and figured I could drive around for a little while, so I turned onto 110 to see if she had gone back to Forks. After a few miles, I noticed a red truck on the side of the road and pulled up behind it when I realized it was Bella's, and the hood was propped up. My heart in my throat, I yanked my door open and raced to the vehicle.

She wasn't inside.

"Mother fucker!" I heard from under the hood, and breathed a sigh of relief as I approached the front of the truck.

I peeked over the hood to see Bella leaning over the grill, strands of her hair sticking to her face, her white shirt plastered against her skin, giving me a nice view of the lacy bra underneath.

"Bells?" I asked, leaning against the fender. She jumped and banged her head on the metal.

"Jake? What are you doing here? Did your dad…" she trailed off, rubbing her head.

"My dad? Oh, did you call?"

"Yeah, I tried you first, then I tried Embry but he didn't answer," she replied, brushing the wet hair away from her eyes.

"Embry? Come on, Bella. You know that cars and Em don't mix. The last time he tried to help me do an oil change I ended up needing a new fuel pump and alternator."

She laughed for a second and then sobered, a sad look in her eye. "I didn't know what else to do."

"Let me see what's wrong," I said, not wanting to comment on the reason why she was so upset. I leaned over the hood and checked the levels of coolant. It was bone dry.

"Hey Bells, I think you've probably got a leak, you don't have any coolant left. I can get it back to my garage, see if I can fix it but it might take a day or so."

Her face fell. "I guess that's okay," she said glumly. "Is there any way you could take me home first? I'm soaked and it's really cold."

"Sure, Bells. Let's go."

The ride was silent, and once we got to her house she gave me an uneasy smile and let herself out. I watched as she opened the front door and closed it behind her.

"Fuck," I said to myself, and decided I needed to go after her, to explain. I was knocking on the front door a second later, and she was letting me inside, wiping tears from her face.

"Bella," I whispered, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. "I'm sorry. I know I'm jerking you around and everything, but I've spent the past three weeks pissed as hell because I thought that the woman I loved was with my best friend. I talked to Embry today, and he explained everything, what happened when you came back from Florida and what you saw. He enlightened me regarding your lie of a relationship with the sole purpose of getting me jealous. It worked, Bella, but I'm not really sure if I'm ready to commit to anything."

"Do you think you'll ever…you know, be ready?"

I expelled a deep breath. "I think so, but I don't know. Look, I ended things with Brandy, I told her what happened, and my balls are still aching from the beating they went through. Just, can you give me a little time to figure stuff out? Do you mind waiting a little longer?"

She bit her lip, thinking. "I'm leaving for Alaska in a couple of weeks, Jacob. Regardless of what you decide, I'm finally taking the steps to care for myself, and part of that requires that I go to college. I figure that you'll want to take that into consideration. I love you, I want to be with you, but I also want to become self-reliant again. There's no one who understands me like you do, Jake, and I hope you can accept that."

"I can. I mean, I'll be around. I'm not going anywhere, and I'll definitely be here to support you however you need it. But as far as a relationship or something between us, Bells, I just don't know right yet."

"I can respect that," she replied. "I'm going to go and take a shower. You should go to Sam and Emily's to get your phone, Emily told me you left it there when I tried to call you."

"I will. I'll see you soon, okay?"

She nodded and walked me to the door, watching me walk through the rain to my car. She lifted her hand and waved as I pulled out of the driveway and away from her, escaping the only way I knew how: by running away.


	20. From Rags to Riches

This is the end of the line, folks. After two years of writing this story, it is over. In that time, I've lost a co-author, gained a beta that became my very best friend, and found all of you wonderful readers! I love each and every one of you. Thank you for the reviews, the PMs, the tweets, the Skype dates...thank you all for your friendship. I love y'all so much.

This chapter is a little confusing at first. I mean for this to happen. Bear with me.

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Chapter 20

Bella

Four years later

I walked along the streets of Portland, enjoying the heat from the late afternoon sun against my shoulders. I found the building I'd set out for, jogged up the steps and continued inside.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Smith!" the secretary called as I walked up. "Mr. Santos is waiting for you. Do you want me to walk in with you?"

"No thank you, Maggy, I'll go by myself," I answered with a smile as I breezed into the office where my publisher was supposed to be waiting.

"Bianca," I heard from behind me. I turned to find Mike Santos walking up to where I was and handing me a latte before embracing me. "How have you been? Writing furiously, I hope."

"Definitely, Mike. I think I'm developing carpal tunnel," I laughed, wriggling my fingers at him as he let me inside his office.

"Don't hurt yourself," he replied with a grin. "I can't have my most prolific and talented writer out of commission."

"It could never happen," I promised. "The story is just coming out so well."

"People are definitely looking forward to the next installment of the Dusk series. They can't wait to find out if Becca chooses Arden or Jason. Any hints you are willing to divulge?"

"You know if I told you, I'd have to kill you. Besides, isn't the surprise the best part?"

"Of course it is," he agreed. "But when will I have it on my desk?"

"It would be a lot faster if you would stop calling me in here," I pointed out.

He grinned sheepishly. "I was just hoping we could set a tentative date for release."

"I should be done with it in the next couple of weeks. Once I'm done, it can go to Shelly for editing. Maybe it can be released in time for Christmas?"

"Fabulous idea," he said with a nod. "I think it can be done. And you'll be able to do a book tour?"

"Definitely not. You know my rules."

"Bianca," he started, but was interrupted by a knock at the door. He called for the disrupter to enter, and Mary Butters, the director for the film adaptation, stepped in. I rose and gave her a quick hug and sat down.

"I just wanted to let you know that we'll be having a couple of casting calls for the parts in the movie this week. Per your request, we'll be doing one here, one in Los Angeles, and one in New York. The one here is tomorrow. Would like to attend?"

"Of course. Can you email me the details? I'm really looking forward to it, and I'm pleased that you and the producers are humoring my request to be there. These are my characters, and I believe that I know them best. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a dinner date I have to make." With that, I stood, kissed Mike's cheek and let myself out of the office. I walked back to where my Mercedes was parked and took off toward the north, where my dinner date was waiting.

Pulling up to the sprawling home that backed up to the woods, I stepped out of the car and let myself in.

"Hello?" I called. Esme peeked out from the kitchen and came out to give me a hug and kiss my cheek.

"Bella, darling. How did your meeting go?" she asked, wrapping her arm around my waist and pulling me into the kitchen.

"It was fine," I answered. "Casting call here in Portland is tomorrow, and Mike was being a pain in the ass about the next book again, but I really don't want to rush it. This book is the most important of them all, you know?"

"I know. I can't imagine what it's like for Becca," she said with a grin.

"Did I hear my little sister's voice?" Emmett's voice boomed from somewhere upstairs.

"Bella's here?" Rosalie asked.

"Bella's here?" Jasper said from his and Alice's room.

"Bella's here!" Edward called as he stepped in the kitchen. I ran into his outstretched arms and he spun me around before setting me down gently on the bar stool. "How did your meeting go?"

"Mike's a tool, I'm not writing fast enough, and I need to avoid carpal tunnel at all costs."

"You won't get carpal tunnel, and this book is going to be so highly sold that you're going to take a bath in hundred dollar bills one night after drinking a bottle of champagne in celebration of the glowing reviews that you will receive," Alice stated as she breezed into the kitchen and kissed me on the cheek.

"Sweet," I said, taking an olive from the tray Esme sat in front of me and stuffing it in my mouth. "I've always wanted to bathe in money."

"Can I join?" Emmett asked as he strolled in with Rose by his side. She rolled her eyes and smacked his head. "Jesus, woman. I was just teasing. You know I only want to get drunk and bathe with you in thousands of dollars in cash."

"You can't get drunk," I pointed out helpfully.

"Bella, you have to ruin everything," Jasper said, picking me up off the stool and giving me a hug. It was funny that in the past four years, he and I had grown the closest. I would never have expected Jasper to become my best friend, but the two of us had so much in common and we were very alike in mannerisms. We both majored in English at the University of Washington and he was the one who encouraged me to write my story as a fictional novel.

I never thought it would be anything special, but the Cullens never let me do anything halfway. Per chance, one of Carlisle's colleagues was married to a head honcho at a publishing company. Carlisle gave him a copy of my finished project, and it was a bona fide hit. Granted, my vampire didn't sparkle, my wolf was actually a werewolf instead of a shapeshifter, and it wasn't in Forks. It was funny how my non-fiction life that I had written in my sophomore year of college was being regarded as one of the best young adult fictions that the literary world had seen.

I left Forks at the end of July four years ago and moved to Washington into a home the Cullens bought near campus. There I began my college career, majoring in English Lit. I never heard from Jacob, and assumed he had made his choice and that it wasn't me. I didn't go back to Edward, though I'm sure most of the Cullens thought I would. As time progressed, I found that we were much happier as friends. He was no longer the "sullen Cullen," as Emmett and I had dubbed him. He was happy, even though he still hadn't found anyone to share his life with.

Alice foresaw my book being accepted by the publishing company which, she reminded me, could potentially put our lives in danger. So with the help of one J. Jenks, an associate of Jasper's, I changed my identity from Isabella Marie Swan to Bianca Danielle Smith. After the name change, I finally let Alice do that drastic makeover that she had been begging me to agree to for so many years. Gone was the brown-haired, brown-eyed Bella. In was Bianca Smith, the blonde-haired, blue-eyed woman who had been orphaned as a child and taken in by a doctor and his wife before writing her first story about a girl who was in love with a vampire and a werewolf while she was in college.

It was demanding being a first time author with a novel on the New York Times bestseller list. I started taking most of my classes online so I could do the things my agent Julie told me to. However, I made sure to specify that I was not available for TV interviews and did not attend events where my picture would be taken and spread around to various news outlets. It frustrated Julie to no end, but I knew the risk involved and was not willing to budge. So, she finally accepted my decision, and decided to use it to her advantage by keeping my identity somewhat of a mystery. I have to say it was a brilliant move, because the audience only seemed to be more intrigued when they had only a pen name to identify me by.

The Cullens were very pleased with my success as an author. For a while, I hadn't told Charlie and Renee of my identity change, for fear that somehow Aro would find them and read their thoughts. But after Alice convinced me that she was always checking in on both of my parents and that she would see any potential threat before it materialized, I went ahead and fessed up to both of them. Although they were understandably shocked to have a renowned author for a daughter, they were both very proud and happy for me. Of course, Renee being Renee, she bugged me to move to the East Coast at every chance she could. Charlie never pressured me to do the same, after I left; he was offered a job in Florida near Mom and Phil as a sheriff with a crazy lucrative salary. Needless to say, I spent as much time as I could spare tanning in Charlie's backyard.

Esme finished cooking my meal, and the family came to sit and talk with me while I ate. I had finally gotten comfortable with this after years of hating them watching me eat. Jasper liked to sit next to me and ask me what each thing tasted like, as it had been so long since he had eaten real food. Emmett had brought home venison for Esme to cook so we could eat the same things one night, and had brought in a cup of cooling deer blood while I ate.

I vomited in his lap, and that was the last time he did that.

After dessert, Jasper took the last couple of chapters I had written up to his study and gave me some constructive criticism. Once he had finished (damn his lightning fast vamp speed), I headed out to the car and drove to my condo in downtown Portland to write some more. Around three in the morning, I forced myself to go to bed as the casting call in less than six hours.

I strolled into the building where auditions were being held, my laptop case hanging from one shoulder and my other hand holding a grande mocha latte with extra sugar. My alarm had mysteriously shut off during the night and I woke up late, causing me simply to do the ponytail-jeans-tank top-contacts routine before running out the door. I did my makeup on the way to the studio, and stepped out of my car looking fifteen times better than I did getting in.

Mary and Piper, one of the producers, led me inside. Auditions were a long and tedious process, and I found myself extremely bored by the time lunch came. I still had six hours to go, and finally I started writing on my computer, waiting for the right person to come in.

At ten minutes after six, Piper called in the last person. I didn't even look up from my computer as they came in, too focused on the dialogue that "Jason" and "Becca" were having. I could hear Jacob's voice so vividly in my mind, it was almost as if he was there with me.

"Welcome," Piper said, unable to hide the bored tone in her voice. "State your name and which part you'd like to audition for please."

"My name is Jacob Black, and I'd like to audition for the part of Jason Pleck."

My eyes whipped up from the screen of my laptop to the man in front of me. There he was, standing tall and proud. His russet skin gleamed under his white tee shirt, and his dark blue jeans rode low on his hips, hugging the angles of his body that I used to know so well. I looked up to his face, and his dark eyes were focused on me, a small half-grin gracing his beautiful face.

"Mr. Black, do you have any acting experience?"

"I have some," he said. "My agent should have forwarded you my resume?" Mary looked through her papers, found it, read it over, nodded and handed it to me. My eyes greedily skimmed the chapter. He was living in Vancouver, and had been in several small-budget films, and had a supporting role in a blockbuster that I had heard of but never seen.

Hmm. So this is where he had disappeared to.

"Mr. Black, I'm Mary Butters, the director of the movie, this is Piper Perino, the producer. And this is Beverly, Ms. Smith's agent." This was the role I was playing, as I didn't want my true identity coming out to just anyone.

"I'm pleased to meet all of you," he said with a nod.

"If you could, please read the dialogue from page 178 of the script," Piper directed. "Mary will recite Becca's lines while you do Jason's." He readily agreed and started reciting. I sat there, transfixed over what I was seeing. Jacob. He was there. And he knew, knew it was me underneath the disguise of blond hair, tan skin and blue eyes.

"That was good, Mr. Black," Piper said, after he and Mary had finished. "We'll let you know as soon as-"

"He's perfect. He's Jason," I interjected. "I want him."

We sat in awkward silence for a moment before Piper gave me a look of death and pasted on a smile aimed toward Jacob.

"Mr. Black, we'll be getting in touch." Jacob nodded and grabbed his things before walking out the door. "Bianca, that was quite unprofessional, I'm not really sure if he's the best for…"

"I apologize. You're right—that was uncalled for. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to step outside for a minute." With that, I hurried out the same door Jake had used. As I burst out into the parking lot, I looked wildly around for a glimpse of him.

"Are you looking for someone specific, Ms. Smith?" I heard from behind me. Spinning around, I saw Jake leaning against the building.

"I was. I thought I saw someone I used to know."

"Well, isn't that something? I had the very same thing happen to me today as well. It's funny how the mind plays tricks on you when you're not expecting it. I know this one time when I was on break from filming, I was back in La Push at my friend Sam's house, helping him watch his twin boys, when I saw a book sitting on his end table. His wife, Emily, was reading it, and I read the back of the book, curious to see what it was, because Em isn't a really big reader, so when she finds books, they're generally pretty interesting. It was your book, Ms. Smith. Your 'fictional' novel."

"They say that some of the best fictions are based off of an author's real life experiences, Mr. Black," I said, staring him in the eye.

He pushed himself off the wall and stood in front of me, tucking a stray hair behind my ear. I couldn't help but shiver at his touch. "Well, Bianca … can I call you Bianca?" I nodded. "I would love to hear more about these experiences you had that spurred the writing of this series. Do you have plans for dinner tonight?"

"Nothing that I can't get out of," I returned. "Let's meet at Bluehour at eight-thirty."

He whistled. "Pretty fancy place for a small town girl."

"Small town girls can easily turn into big city women if they have a reason to," I retorted, stepping away from him and walking toward my car. I started it up and eased into reverse. As I put it into first gear, I looked over to where he had been standing, to where he was still standing with his trademark smirk plastered on his face.

At eight-forty, I was pulling my car up to the valet service and cursing Portland traffic. I walked as quickly as my four-inch heels would allow, and the hostess pointed me to the table where Jacob was seated. Adjusting my little black dress discreetly, I strode over to him. He rose as I approached the table, and waited for me to sit down.

"I apologize for being late," I started. "There was an accident about a half-mile down the road."

"'s fine," he said easily, handing me a menu. "I've learned that a smart man will wait as long as necessary for a beautiful woman."

I blushed, and the waiter saved me from having to say anything in response. Jacob and I agreed on a bottle of Shiraz and looked over our menus. When the waiter came back with the wine, we tasted it, approved, and gave our orders for our meals.

Once that was done, I looked over at my dinner companion as I took a sip of wine. "So, Mr. Black, how did you get into acting?"

"Let's see," he started, leaning back in his chair. "When I was seventeen, I left home for awhile, just to think about my life and how I wanted things to be. I went back, knowing what I wanted, but found out it wasn't there anymore. It was as if what I wanted had simply disappeared off the face of the earth. With my tail between my legs, both literally and figuratively, I left and went to Vancouver. I started working as a construction worker, but one day, I was given the card of a modeling agency, because I mean, really. Have you seen me?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, continue."

"I did some modeling work, and then the company that I worked for was approached about a movie. I auditioned and landed the role, and the rest is history. I've been in the film industry for about two years now. But enough about me. You're the famous author of the Dawn series. Tell me how you got here."

"When I was eighteen, I had my heart ripped out and stomped on by the man I loved, the man that I had called my best friend. We had gone back and forth, never seeming to get it just right. I left my home with a broken heart and started college at the University of Washington. I was supposed to go to the University of Alaska, but changed my mind at the last minute. I moved in with family, graduated a semester early, wrote a book, and luckily, it sold. My life seems boring in comparison to yours."

"What made you decide to change schools?"

"It was the man that broke my heart. He knew that I would be going to school there, and he had left me there, alone and hurt, even though he promised he'd never do that to me. After he left without a word, I realized that I needed to break the ties so I could move on. I've often wondered if he looked for me."

"He would have been stupid not to," he said, taking a long sip of his wine. "And your story?"

"I was once stuck between two men. Jason and Arden are based on those men, though the mythical creatures are just something I made up, because things like that don't exist."

"Right," he said. Our food arrived, and we ate in an uncomfortable silence. When the waiter came to take our dishes and asked if we wanted dessert, we just shook our heads and asked for the check. I tried to pay, but Jacob insisted that he would pay, as I had just gotten him a job. He walked me out to the valet and waited with me as they brought my car around. He awkwardly kissed my cheek and watched as I drove away from the restaurant.

I couldn't help the tears from falling as I drove back home. I let myself into the house and threw myself onto the couch, sobbing. It took awhile, but I finally got a hold of myself and decided that a nice, hot shower could make it all better. A hot shower and the promise of a half-gallon of ice cream sitting in my freezer.

I undressed as I walked, turning the knob of the shower and letting the bathroom steam from the heat. Standing under the flow of the water, I felt every worry slip away. Jacob was here, he was back in my life and he knew that he had made a mistake by running away. I knew I had made a mistake by changing my plans and never telling him.

But what could I do about it? Nothing.

I washed my hair and closed my eyes as I rinsed it. When I opened my eyes, Jacob was standing in front of my open shower door, his arms crossed over the tee shirt he had been wearing earlier. I started to cover myself up, realized that it was nothing he hadn't seen before and just put my hands on my hips.

"What…Why…How did you get in here?"

"Ms. Smith, it isn't wise to leave your door unlocked in such a large city. There are some big, bad wolves out there," he said, fire in his eyes.

"There are some big, bad wolves in here, too," I mumbled, picking up the bottle of conditioner and squeezing some in my hand. I tried not to let my hands shake as I ran it through my hair, pretending to ignore him. I rinsed my hair again and looked over at him.

"I'm sorry, was there something that you wanted, Mr. Black?"

"Fuck," he swore under his breath. "How long are we going to be playing this game, Bella? This is fucking killing me."

"I think you have me confused with someone else."

"No, I know I've got the right woman. Finally. Took me over four years to find you after you fucking left me, Bella!"

"You left me first!" I shouted.

"You told me that you'd be around!"

"I also told you I was leaving in a couple of weeks!"

"Yeah, to Alaska. Where I went in search of you, but you were gone. And funny enough, so was Charlie."

"He took a job in Florida," I said, crossing my arms. "There was nothing for him in Forks anymore."

"Yeah, especially when his only daughter decided to tell the world she was an orphan," he spat back.

"You don't get to judge me!" I screamed at him. "You broke my heart, I just wanted to love you, to be your other half, to spend my life with you, and you ran away without a second glance!"

"I had been telling you I loved you for over a year, Bella. You couldn't accept it, how do you figure you have the right to judge me for taking some time to realize I wanted to love you the same way?"

"Wanted to?" I shot back.

"Wanted to, want to, what's the fucking difference?" With that, he stepped into the shower, fully clothed, and brought his mouth to mine. His tongue ran over mine, our lips recalling the special dance they shared so long ago. I wound my hands in his hair, and closed my eyes under the spray of the water, just reveling in the feel of his mouth against mine for the first time in over four years.

Rosalie told me the reason why things didn't work between any of the other men that I had tried to date was because no one could compare to Jacob in my mind. I had been complaining to Rose about my inability to get into a real relationship, and I was blaming Edward. Normally I could count on Rose to help with Edward bashing, but this time she stopped me.

"Bella, your issue isn't with the perpetual virgin this time," she had said, not unkind. "You're still hung up on the one that got away. Edward would get back with you in a heartbeat if you ever showed the slightest interest. But he isn't the right one for you and when the right one ran, you ran in the other direction. You need to get over him, B. He's gone, and he's not coming back."

I kind of wanted to say "in your face" and do the "I told you so" dance to Rose at that moment.

Briefly wondering why I was thinking of Rosalie while Jacob's hands were on my bare ass, pulling me to him, I ran my hands over his now soaked tee shirt and pulled the hem over his head before tracing my fingers over the hard muscles in his chest. I moaned, my head falling back as his hands cupped my bare breasts, pinching the nipples and rolling them around with his fingertips.

He brought his mouth to the sensitive part of my neck, and my back arched against him. My hands furiously worked at the button of his pants. I was half-crazed with need. I had to feel him inside me again. He helped me to push them down, and pushed me against the tiled wall of the shower.

"Jacob, Jacob wait. Is this … I mean, we haven't been together in four years. Is this … safe? You're clean?"

He grinned down at me as he situated himself at my entrance. "It's good, Bells. We're good to go. You too?"

I nodded, unable to form a coherent train of thought thanks to the feeling of the tip of his cock against my entrance. He grabbed a handful of my wet hair and slid into me. I gasped at the sensation of him filling me so completely. It was as if we had never been apart. Our bodies knew the dance, completing the steps before we even knew we wanted to make them. My hands ran over his back, making their way down his spine. His left hand stayed tangled in my hair while his right hand held up my right thigh so he could thrust deeper inside me. My back arched so I could press closer to him and my right leg wound around his waist. The sounds that came from the back of my throat were almost inhuman, but he knew somehow that the whimpers coming out of my mouth meant I wanted it harder, faster. I felt my inevitable orgasm approaching quickly.

His left hand dropped from my hair to where our bodies met, and as he pinched my clit, I felt the familiar feeling of jumping off a cliff. My body clenched and shivered around him as he thrust into me three more times before calling out my name and collapsing against me, pinning me against the wall as we both struggled to catch our breath.

I felt his lips moving against my collarbone, but couldn't comprehend anything he could have been saying due to the rush of adrenaline still roaring in my ears. I shivered as I realized the water was turning cold, and without a word, Jacob turned off the water, wrapped the two of us in an oversized towel and carried me into the bedroom.

He laid me down in the bed, and grabbed the duvet to pull it over us as he joined me. His arms wrapped around my body, and I suddenly realized something.

"Jacob, your body…it isn't hot anymore."

"Bite your tongue, woman! My body is still as smoking hot as ever," he argued, a smile crossing his features before he shrugged and looked away. "I stopped phasing after you left. The Cullens were gone, so the immediate threat was gone. Some of them still phase, just in case, but I didn't want it in the first place, so I got out at the first opportunity. I love my family, I love my community, but I love you more. I wanted to make something of myself, to show you that you weren't making a bad choice being with me. I know the Cullens have more money than God…"

"You know I don't care about that," I began to argue.

"And I don't have that much money, but I've saved hard and worked tons of jobs so I could provide for you. Imagine my surprise though when I realized you don't need me to provide for you because you just happen to be this world famous author who is part Cullen. But what I don't understand is why you were never turned."

"Well, first of all, the Cullens aren't the Cullens anymore. They've taken a new name, something they had to do when they disobeyed the Volturi and let me stay human. I couldn't do it Jake … I still always held out a chance for us, no matter how small that chance was. I've been lying to myself for a long time, saying that it wasn't you, that it was just me. But it was you this whole time. Fuck. I hate it when Rosalie is right."

"Hot blond vamp?"

"Yes, hot blond vamp. She told me that I couldn't have relationships with anyone because you had gone running, and I was afraid to get over you on the off chance you would come back. However, she was wrong when she said that you wouldn't come back."

He settled his hand on my cheek. "Even hot vamps don't understand pack loyalty, wolf girl." He leaned down to kiss me, slowly and sweetly. "I'm sorry, Bells. I fucked up. I was scared and ran from the one thing I wanted most in this world because I was afraid that as soon as I had you, I would lose you for good once you saw the huge differences between Edward and me.

"I'm not that scared little boy anymore, Bella. I got over those insecurities, and I have started to make something of myself. I'm through with running away. I promise I'll be here for you in whatever way you need me. We were best friends before we were anything else, and if that's all we were meant to be, I'll be the sexiest man-of-honor when you finally marry someone else.

"I'm kind of hoping it doesn't come to that though. I'm hoping you and I will finally be able to make this thing between us work and that I'll be standing there waiting for you at the altar. Please, Bells. Please, just give me this one last chance to make you happy. To be the man you deserve."

"Jacob, I …" I stopped midsentence, wondering if I had just heard the door open. Jacob sat up. Apparently, he heard it as well. The door to my bedroom slammed open, and Edward stood there, his normally perfectly coiffed hair in disarray, his eyes wide and his chest heaving.

"Oh," he said, taking in the sight of Jacob and me naked in my bed.

"Edward…"

"Well, this brings back memories that I didn't particularly want to relive," he said drily. I chucked a pillow at him.

"Jacob and I were, um, reunited today," I tried to explain.

"You have got to be fucking shitting me," Jacob started. "He's still around?"

"Yes. Wait. No. I mean, yes, he's here, but no, it's not like you think. We're not together. We haven't been since I saw you last. He and his family live here. They've supported me throughout everything. Edward is one of my very best friends."

"It's good to see you again, Jacob," Edward said politely. I suddenly realized that I was naked, and wrapped the sheet around my chest.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" I asked, ready to be done with this whole embarrassing situation.

"Alice said she saw you at home in the shower, and then you just disappeared. I wasn't sure if the bathtub had finally done you in," he joked.

I crossed my arms over my chest and leveled him with a look of hate. "That was one time, Edward. One time."

"How long were you out? Three days?"

"Okay, so you see that I'm fine…"

"I think you're more than fine, Bells," Jake interjected with a leer in my direction.

"I'm fine," I glared at Jacob pointedly. "So, yeah. You can go."

"How long are you in town, Jacob? I'm sure my family would enjoy seeing a familiar face. We don't see our friends now that we've changed our identities."

"I don't know how long I'll be here. I was, you know, kind of in the middle of convincing her to let me stay as long as possible."

"Oh. Oh! Well, I'm sorry that I, erm, rudely interrupted. I hope to see you soon, Jacob. Bella, dinner at our house tomorrow?"

"Sounds good, Edward. Goodbye," I stated, raising an eyebrow when he didn't move. He finally took the hint and left, shutting the door downstairs as he did.

"Really? He's still cockblocking me after all this time?"

"Shut up, Jacob. He didn't know you were back."

"So, before Eddie came in here, you were going to give me an answer. What do you think, Bells? Can I get a do-over?" Jacob asked, hope and anticipation shining in his eyes.

One year later

I walked slowly out of the room and into another. Music playing softly from somewhere above me helped to time my strides, to give me something to concentrate on other than my nerves, or the amount of people who were watching me. Vaguely I wondered if I would trip, but I knew that the man beside me could catch me if I did so.

I finally looked up from the aisle and into the eyes of the man waiting for me at the end of my march. As his trademark smile lit up his face, it was everything I could do not to go racing up to him, my father in tow.

"Easy, Bells," Charlie whispered, his hand on my arm. "You've waited this long. You can wait just a few minutes." Who knew that time could go so slowly?

Finally, the music swelled and my father was placing my hand in the hand of the man I was going to pledge my life to.

"Who gives this woman to this man?" I looked up with a glare to where my brother was officiating over the service. How could he have such a dirty tone during my freaking wedding? I was going to throw him in a pyre the next chance I got.

"Her mother and I do," Charlie replied, and I looked back to see my mother nodding her head, tears streaming down her face. I looked back at the man holding my hand, and returned his smile, happy to finally be at that point, after everything that had happened.

Tearing my eyes from those of my soon-to-be husband, I met the eyes of the best man. He had been there for me through thick and thin, let me break his heart over and over, and still agreed to stand up as I stood at the altar, getting ready to marry the man who wasn't him.

He winked at me, and my brother started speaking. Finally, he shut up, and it was time for the vows that the two of us had picked, after weeks of searching.

He put the ring on my finger, and Emmett smiled down at both of us before announcing us as man and wife and telling Jacob to kiss his bride. As Jake brought his lips to mine to the sounds of our friends and family cheering and clapping, I thought to myself, _this right here, is my happily ever after._


End file.
